giddy

Right now I am feeling like I have the motivation to get the house nice. Sometimes something just comes over me, and I think it was our day shopping trip yesterday. I got to go into the antique mall and look at all their pretty presentations and furniture. Everything is always so beautifully set up. After literally all day shopping, my hips and feet killed so needless to say I was really tired and feel like I rested well last night. Today, clothes are on the agenda, sheets, and of course putting all the gifts away in their proper spots. Maybe even cleaning out some toys that are unnecessary.  Santa gave me a bunch of kitchen accessories, like metal spatulas, whisks, silicon spatulas, and when I went shopping yesterday I got some hand towels half priced. I am getting extremely giddy about our possible kitchen redo. Although it is just merely "talk" for now, I am feeling horribly selfish and wanting it asap! We are waiting on bids from contractors and the biggest question is the upcoming year of farming. I felt like God has given us both peace for a kitchen redo-, at least sometime, and if it's not within this year or two, at least we can plan exactly what we want and save if needed. (But I want it soon!)

For my birthday we don't have anything planned because my nephew as a tournament and I don't really want to go shopping again, so I'm not sure what we'll do. My dream birthday would be a clean house and be able to work on some quilting projects or things that I don't normally take time to do. I also requested spaghetti and garlic toast for supper so I am excited about that! Lots of work ahead of me and would like to do some crafts with the kids... so better go!

Merry Christmas

Christmas Is Here!

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment.  It was a relief to be able to leave the house but because I had to wait until Peter got home from work, I got a late start to finishing my Christmas shopping. It was really nice to be able to shop for a little bit on my own. I had to finish up buying for my parents and some stocking stuffers for Peter. Macy's had a huge one day sale, and there were so many nice dishes I wanted! The sale is done now, but 40% off these pink  Martha Stewart dessert plates.I thought about buying them for myself, but thought that might be bad so I put them back. Then I tried to think of who I could buy them for, but I already had gotten gifts! If only I had bought them for a shower or future present. Oh well. Anyway, I went to my appointment and the hygienist kindly told me I have to take better care of my teeth. I wasn't offended... I know what I have to do.  When I'm at home, I forget to brush in the morning after I eat. Then I end up going the whole day without brushing. So, my new years resolution is to take better care of my teeth.

I got home around 5:45 and my oldest sister came over to help me with some things. When I came home she was working on that, and Peter had done the dishes, and cleaned out the fridge! It is so nice to have help when we really need it.  Now today, I think we will roll out the rest of our cookies and hopefully that will be fun for the kids, and I just have a few other things on my list.  So far I'm doing well with my Week of Random Acts of Kindness. Some of the things are out of my comfort level, but then it feels so good after i'm done. Here's to hoping/praying the day goes well today.... we're celebrating our family Christmas tonight.

Our home, December 20th, 2011.

building up the church

 I can tell this week that the baby is really growing. I have been more tired than normal and still experiencing quite a lot of kicks....mostly lower which tells me baby is still breech.  I just don't know what to expect! I am a little worried that I'll have to deliver via C-Section but if that's what's best, I've got to be trusting. Plus, not everything is going to go my way.  Monday afternoon we went to make homemade root beer. I didn't really help; just went along for support and a photo op.  Tuesday night we went to a basketball game, which doesn't happen too often.

Wednesday I hosted my Girls Night Out group. I can admit that I was not excited for all the work of hosting so I tried to downplay a lot of things.... I didn't care as much about housework, but enough to show that it can be neat... I made food that was incredibly easy. I opted to buy bread instead of make it.... that saved loads of time and energy washing dishes, and I even took a nap that day, which I wouldn't ever dream of doing. Even Peter noticed my lack of motivation and energy... I didn't even get the Netflix movie sent out--at all this week. All I had to do was throw it in our mail box. I didn't even have to put on a stamp!  Or better yet... I could have handed it to Peter to bring to the mailbox. Ha. Anyway, I was beyond blessed after I had been griping to God and to Peter about being hospitable and how it was just another thing to have to do this week (because I was so physically drained).  I had tons of fun.  We had lots of things to talk about, it was so nice to just catch up with everyone, and when I went to serve dessert and clear plates, they said "We're doing dishes for you this year". And that was that. I nearly choked. I sputtered in disbelief, literately.   It just really showed me how much God blesses us when we do what He asks of us. Not a coincident, Nancy Leigh DeMoss was talking about our role in hospitality pretty much the whole week. I got to listen to some of it but not as much as I would have liked to, Again, it made me ashamed of my griping.  I got to share the devotion that Peter and I are going through each night (Night Light, by James Dobson) and a few asked to see the book. I also started a home journal within the last year, and though it is NOT intended for compliment ( just a record for events or guests that walk through the door) I was overwhelmed with nice notes everyone had written. There was especially one who had written about the devotion I had talked about and how she'd love to grow closer to God with her husband.  Like I said... a blessing.

Then today we went to my nieces 13rh birthday party at the bowling alley.  It is really a good chance to be able to see my brother who just lives in TR. We especially don't make the time to go and see them and I wish we did more of that. They visit a lot more than we do. Anyway, so we went to church in TR too, and I took these pictures. Every single time I go there I am moved to the point of almost weeping tears of joy. The music is so powerful and I just enjoy everyone's heart for Christ. I am glad I can attend two very challenging churches, meaning they give examples of how you can apply the message to your life, which is key! Epiphany Station on facebook.

Anyway, baby was kicking up a storm before bed so I couldn't quite fall asleep. Plus, every time I've had kind of a "oooh....." moment with God, I feel like he nudges me to blog about it.  My ooh moment today was being challenged in church. Pastor Jeff talked about practical ways we GIVE. Tis the season..... but most of us think of what material gifts we can give. And just because we have a giving heart to bless others, which God loves, he also loves when we can give in ways that build up people. Spending less on things we might not need (like 20 gifts for the kids who already have bins and bins of toys) but maybe giving a gift to someone who needs it.  Anyway, my drawback in sharing of course is my fear that people might be annoyed of boasting or thinking I am trying to build up or glorify myself. Wrong! I was encouraged by tonight's reading (which i re-read 1 Corinthians 13-15) and it just talked about building up the church. Building up the church. The church is us.

On the other hand, the one who prophesies speaks to people for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation. 14: 3

I think it might have been the commentary I read but basically it said if we do not share, we cannot challenge or encourage other believers. So, I hope you feel challenged, too, to do random acts of kindness, with Jesus in mind. This isn't much but even today when I was standing in line, I challenged myself to just do something nice for someone... who could I help? so I let this man go ahead of me in line, and I did it with such joy in my heart. It just felt so good. And honestly, he was shocked. Isn't that sad? We need to do more nice things.  My goal this week? One act of kindness per day for 5 days. I've already got a whole page of ideas!

blessings

this morning my time with Jesus was sweet.  I went to my triad last night and admitted my failings of reading regularly and also my discouragements. I'm feeling discouraged in sharing the music that God puts on my heart in church as I know some think it might bring glory to the person who is singing, and not to God, which I can understand.

It is fairly hard for me to write a post about this because in so many ways I feel like I am not qualified to sing. There have been more than half of my experiences singing in church or weddings, etc, that I've come off the stage and cried because of how badly I thought I did. It really is a true story. If there is anyone less proud, it is me. There was even one time I was singing in our worship team (right in the sanctuary) that I felt Satan say as plain as day "What are you doing up here.... you can't sing." and I was blown away. Every time I say to myself I'm just not going to sing anymore, I keep getting invitations that are hard to turn down. No matter how much I feel I am not good enough or worry that when I do sing, people might think Why on earth is she up there... does she think she can sing?, I feel like I still get opportunities and that God might still want me to pursue it, just even for the sharing part of it. No, I don't have a super good voice like Kari Jobe, and no, I am definitely not proud, but sometimes we have to do what God calls us to do, especially when he puts a love in our hearts for it.

"What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church."

1 Corinthians 14: 26

Another verse (15-17, Chapter 14) talks about how we all have gifts, but what good are they if they are in our minds and no one can say "Amen" to our thanksgiving? We may be giving thanks, but the other person is not edified. That is the whole point of having spiritual gifts! So that others might be blessed!!

Anyway, that was just an encouragement to me. I want to share this with my triad group because we need to share when we are encouraged so that others might be encouraged too! It just really filled a void for me this morning... that even when I am not faithful in my readings to God, he is always so faithful to me in answering my concerns about my services here on earth.  Such a blessing this morning, truly.

crochet

I really wish I could just whip up a hat. But crocheting really is tough to learn! I am getting the hang of it, though.... so that is the main thing. My ultimate goal is to make a newborn hat for the baby.... and I plan to make it blue. Not because I think/know that it is a boy.... I just think it would be fun to have something blue made. We have so many girl things.... plus, maybe I can talk one of my church friends to knit me a baby girl hat if we have a girl! I am pretty sure that it will take me the whole 4+ months to make a boy hat.  I tried starting a hat the other day, and it went pretty good... I just have this certain pattern I want to go by and I am not sure what it means... so for now I need to practice my chains and get good at those. I decided to make a scarf with this piece. It is about 5x the size of this photo now.

 Here I am, at 20 weeks. Half way done. I know I have no right to complain and am extremely grateful (I really am) that I am carrying a child.... but I am also very excited to have my body back. It hasn't been much fun to sit or even relax lately, and I have a long ways to go, Lord willing. That is my hope anyway... I'd much rather keep the baby inside an uncomfortable belly than in an incubator. I am experiencing different things with this pregnancy, including a very, very itchy chest! It is so weird to me. Plus, having an older child means listening to funny comments. Kate asked me if I had a baby in my butt (har har) and also commented on my polka-dot face.  Neither really bothered me too much because I know with some extra work I can get back to my old self after the baby is born.

And here are the thankful journals we made at church Saturday afternoon. It has been fun already to write in them. I am also using it as a new prayer/church notebook for notes on sermons and other thoughts.  The one I have now is too personal to bring everywhere.  That is all for now... I got to take a 2 hour nap today and i am still tired. Hopefully I can sleep well tonight!

Baby shoot

I didn't have much time at about 35 minutes but I think we got what we needed! 

I took over 100 but these are the favorites so far... not done editing.

I would have loved to do more.

its a..........

No, we didn't find out, but everything with baby turned out good today. I went into the ultrasound room preparing myself for something wrong with the heart, lungs, etc.  They did actually look at the heart for quite a while, trying to take pictures, but turns out baby was just in a bad position. The ultrasound took a whole hour and then another 45 minutes just to see Dr. Brown. We quickly ate and I stopped at Joannes for 10 minutes and went home. Before that, though,  my good friend Melissa had her baby a few weeks early (in the wrong town!) and so she asked me if I could take some photos of little Silas. It worked out perfectly because my appointment wasn't until 10am and we got there around 9:05. It wasn't the ideal amount of time at all-- in fact I know I could have gotten a bunch of different shots but I captured what she wanted and went on my way. I even got some of big sis and little brother. Aw, a combo I would love some day.  (heart)

mini photo shoots

love my family

A lot has happened in this last few days. We went to Fargo on Thursday after school and Peter let me look at a couple stores by myself. (wow!) We were on the hunt specifically for bunk beds, a recliner, and track lighting for the living room.  We picked out bunk beds, the recliner I think we'll do, and track lighting is still a big "if" for us. We just can't seem to find one we like. If I like it, Peter doesn't, or it's too short, etc. The trip with the kids seemed very long, and it was really hard to be able to look at things with them. I mostly felt bad that they had to shop all day but most everything we did, they found something fun with it. For instance, the bunk bed shopping was really fun for them because they got to run around and try out all the beds and pretend they were sleeping, etc. They were just too wild and it was hard to remind them that it was a store and not our home! We visited Peter's aunt and so they got to play at least an hour there with all of her toys, and when we looked at recliners, they had a kid play area there and they seemed to have lots of fun.  I tried to remember to sanitize after each public visit. They also got lots of treats and kate even got some pop. We swam at the hotel yesterday morning and they both got to sleep in the same bed. I think Maddy kept Kate up though, so they were really tired yesterday.  As we unpacked our stuff last night, we somehow forgot our temperpedic pillows and my body pillow :( I hope we can get them back... when we called no one had brought it up yet. 

Peter had some things to return in the mall yesterday and so I took the girls so he could shop a little by himself, and we happened to find Santa, so we brought them there. Last year we failed to bring them so I thought it was a good idea to bring them, even if it was only the 2nd of December!

Today we plan to finish decorating the outside of the house for Christmas (garland, some lights, window boxes) I am really excited to get that done. Plus the house is kind of messy so it will be good to get that cleaned up a bit. Everyone seemed extra tired today since the kids slept til 8:30-8:45 and Peter is still sleeping now at 9am. I am glad for him. He is such a generous and loving guy. I feel like I am so undeserving.  Even though I do feel like at times I do a lot for him, he does show me in appreciation in his own way.  When we went through Grand Forks on our way to Fargo, he gave me some spending money for things I'd want to buy-- I actually teared up and started to cry. He let me shop for 45 minutes by myself, and honestly-- all day yesterday he kept telling me how stunning and beautiful I was.  Doesn't that seem like a dream?!  I wuv him!

already here

Right now it is a little past 12am and I cannot sleep. Even though my body is aching and uncomfortable and my eyes are burning from tiredness, I am wide awake. Today has been a restful day, no doubt, yet I can't seem to shut off my wandering, stressed mind. Tonight we put up our tree, and though it was fun, it really wasn't. I realized what an impatient mother I am and have started praying that I can be more laid back. Decorating the tree was not enjoyable. Because I love things perfect, I could not string my beads and lights perfectly around the tree as I'd hoped; meanwhile, the kids were recklessly getting into all kinds of ornaments, breaking tops off, and making a mess. Kate was excited.... she wanted to decorate the tree. I don't blame her. I was, very much so, ripping out the last two strands of hair on my head just to get the girls to listen and be patient. I finally just sat down on my chase and silently cried. When Kate noticed, she said "Why are you sad?" and I just shrugged. I shrugged because there was no reason for my mood and grumpiness and it was silly to be upset that I'm a moron and can't light up a tree! She then said with a big smile, "When I am sad, music helps me feel better!"

It was easier and more enjoyable from then on but my prayer tonight for sure was to just enjoy our activities. So what if it's a mess. So what if it didn't go as planned. Part of everyone's problem these days is having high expectations.  Decorating was supposed to be fun, and I ruined part of it by letting my cramps and controlling mood get in the way. I need to find some scripture that will help remind me of this when I am in certain situations.

So, I can't sleep because I am thinking about all that happened tonight/today, all the things I have to do this week, and last but not least, blogging it.  Usually when I can't sleep, writing helps calm me down and it's like it erases from my mind for the night. Tomorrow I am hoping I can be laid back, get work done but also do fun things with the kids and just plain ol' enjoy our day. Isn't that what really matters? Yikes, I've got a lot to work on!

success

Today was a very successful day, but I am oh so tired. My body is aching right now because I have been on my feet all day, especially the afternoon. This morning I left early for my scheduled ultrasound appointment. I ended up in the waiting room for a half hour before I was seen but surprisingly after that, it went very quickly. I got to see the baby! I saw the little head... baby was moving alot and it appears that for the first time ever, I have a breech baby. I am fully aware that it changes probably often, but that explains why I have such low movement. The tech told me that the foot was right by the cervix.  I am hoping that is why I am having such cramps. 

I went to Target after and got a few gifts boughten and some cute wrapping paper along with some groceries. Vanilla Almond milk landed in  my cart unfortunately... I feel like I should try it again especially with my oatmeal. I unloaded groceries, got the kids to bed, and right away started on supper. It took all day.  Also made french bread and rolls for our brunch we're having tomorrow. I tried to clean as much as possible and when the kids went to bed, i was on the couch! I am feeling the effects of a pregnant body, that is for sure. It was so lovely to see Peter's reaction to the food I made him for supper. He kept shaking his head in amazement. It really was worth it.
I'll write more later but I also wanted to express my gratitude for such a good day. I am really looking forward to spending the weekend with my family!

short

well I guess i have to update this blog! I can't recall the last time I wrote in here. I had peter take a picture of me the other day but sadly it was cold and getting late and it didn't turn out how I'd hoped. I feel like my belly looks much bigger than this pose but it will have to do. I'm working on my 18th week this week... and i've had lots of cramps. I feel awful. I mostly just feel so delicate. What if I do too much? What if I lift something too heavy? It has been worrisome but I do still feel movement so that is a good sign.

At this point that's all I've really got. My eyes are starting to drop so I should try to take a power nap. I heard Maddy squeak and occasionally hear kate so not sure naps are in order today..for any of us!

first snowfall

Today...friends, was a good day. Since Sunday had been another great day, I should have known Monday would be a day of discouragement. Nothing really went wrong, my spirit just seemed down. I felt worthless again, much like my feelings a month ago. It was just one of those days that I had to really just shake it off. It finally got better once I brought Maddy to ECFE and dropped Kate off at a friends house, and got to see other moms. I was happy that Maddy got to go to 'school' and do some fun stuff with just me. Usually it is all about Kate, so it was really nice to have a night with her. I also got to talk to Kate's teachers and they had nothing but great things to say about her, and told me lots of neat details, like who she plays with, what she likes to do... etc. All things that Kate doesn't normally share. I do hear a lot about a friend that she plays with, so i can put two and two together most days. When I got home, I listened/watched a Beth Moore dvd while exercising on my elliptical. That felt so good!

Today I got to spend more time with Maddy and cleaned the house off and on throughout the morning. It was so pretty to see the snow falling outside while I had an actual clean living room, clean dining room, and candles lit in the house. I finished my meal plan for the week on Monday night so I was prepared for the meals today and worked ahead for supper. By the way, supper was a hit. Not with the kids, of course, but with Peter! He raved over both meals, which made me feel so good because earlier I had prayed that I'd be able to bless and encourage him. If you hadn't read before, one of his love languages is making meals for him (service) and so this was even encouraging to me that I could do a good job. When he got home from work, we had some coffee, a snack, and played outside. Following supper we roasted marshmallows and had homemade hot cocoa. What a day.

already monday

This weekend was fun but it went so fast. I feel like the baby is really going through some major growth spurt because it has surely made me very tired lately, much more tired than I'm used to. Before I really tried to fight taking naps in the afternoons because it was my only chance to get a few extra things done, but this week I really couldn't do it. This morning, the kids are sleeping in and I am still very tired so I am afraid naps will be pretty much non existent. They've been napping so well lately, too. Maybe it's just the weather!

On saturday we stuck around the house most of the day, and after naps headed to my mother in laws to visit Chelsie who was around for the weekend. The girls were asking to go there all day. We ate supper and hung out, and then when we got home we got to have date night! It was so needed. We've really been working hard at being helpful to one another, showing love to eachother in ways that the other needs it; for me its being helpful around the house, for him it is making him food/snacks and being loving, like giving him a hug. Sunday was fun and convicting, our usual eggs and bacon lunch was spectacular (it's what i crave these days) naps, straighten up the house for 10 minutes, harvest banquet at our church, and home again to more discussion with Peter. He also did the dishes for me! It is almost too good to be true. I am loving our new look on being a servant for each other and this morning before work he attempted to write me a love note before leaving.... until I ruined it by waking up. He is really trying.... I hope God blesses him.

I slept great until about 5 when my dream awoke me. I had a dream about a mouse crawling in my chair under the blankets. So naturally when I woke up, I really did think there was a mouse in the bed. So i was shuffling covers, which woke up Peter, which made me wide awake, which made me aware of my cold, which kept me up because I had to blow my nose every 5 seconds, which also kept Peter up. I felt so bad. It seems when we pray for a good nights sleep, it never happens, which then makes me wonder if it is Satan trying to mess that up so that we will be upset with God. So when Peter got up to go to the bathroom I put my hand on his side of the bed and prayed over it, also reciting "greater is he who lives in me, than he who lives in the world".  All better.  Well i must go. It is 8:30 and the kids are still sleeping so I am pondering waking them up! Have a good day!

discipline

we're almost done with the bedroom. We didn't work on it yesterday because we both were exhausted, but all we have left are the shelves in our closets to dust and hoping to throw out some clutter. By the time nap time comes, all my motivation seems to slip out the door and I end up on the couch either taking a short snooze or trying to catch up on projects on the computer/photos, or any readings i've started. Most of that ends up with falling asleep from seriously drowsy eyes-book/computer on my lap.

I've also decided today it is important to wash some windows in the next couple days. I haven't showered yet today and probably won't get to, but I am hoping that I can get past the energy flop to go outside with the kids and do a few windows while they play outside. We also planned to pick the remaining leaves that are on the ground or still on the trees. But for right now, I am quite content in resting to build up any motivation I have for the rest of the day. This morning we had fun going through Abram and Sarai and their big move. We did a couple of activities and the kids enjoyed that. I also planned to decorate some cookies with them, nothing fancy, just sprinkles. It's for their fun, not mine.  It is really important to have some fun activities and some type of structure otherwise the days seem awfully long. I keep thinking about this verse in proverbs: " A servant pampered from youth will turn out to be insolent.". (disrespectful) I feel like the Lord has shown me the same with children. So many parents pamper their children, don't want to see them sad because they have to do work, or it's easier to just let the kids do what they want instead of arguing (guilty of the last one!) .  Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.  Cleaning up is discipline. My kids need to know that they need to clean up their mess, and this goes for when they are at others' homes too.  I remember having lots of play dates and none of the parents except maybe one or two would help clean up the toys. Having 8 or more kids can produce a ton of mess and that is not fun at all for a mom who has to clean it up by herself. It is just respectful, so I want my kids to be respectful and know their jobs.  So, that is what we're working on this week. hardcore. And if they lie to me that they've cleaned up, they get disciplined.

What else is God showing me this week..... he is showing me that my home needs to be a place of tranquility for my husband. Who wants to come home to a chaotic house? Not me.  I want my husband to want to come home, so I need to make sure that it is that way.  How, i'm not sure, since it seems the kids get super wound up that their dad is home and start crying about little things and what not. That is something we'll be working on. Well, I am planning to do some reading in my book before the kids get up and then I suppose we'll go outside... though I am so nice and warm on my heating pad right now!

{star student}

Kate was the star student today. She talked about it all week. I brought in a photo of her, and one of the whole family so that she could post it on the star student bulletin board. She got to bring a favorite toy (she brought a book) , a favorite snack, and she got to be a special girl today. Today was a super productive day though I still tried as much as I could to enjoy Maddy. We worked on some fun stuff,  played upstairs, and just plain hung out. It always is really fun to just enjoy one of the kids. During nap time I worked on some projects for the harvest banquet at our church on Sunday and met my goal. It made me feel good that I could actually start and complete something without giving up because of zero energy.

Tonight though, I plan to get to bed early to catch up on sleep. This morning I brought kate to school and when I got back, Peter was about to leave for work and I got to enjoy another 45 minutes to myself. Maddy slept in really late and I was worried so I checked on her. She was just sound asleep.  I did some reading in my new bible study series at church "Lies Women Believe" and it has been really comforting to me at this time. I just love how God shows up and shows how much he cares. Just the other day I was telling Peter how discouraged I was about going to my triad because it seems like such a struggle to find a day that works for everyone. Then when I get to bible study, one of the girls explained how God had been reminding her of how many memories she had growing up in the church. She was happy until she realized that she was stripping her kids of these same memories they could be having.  They haven't been going to church in a long while.  This triad is worth it. Look how much growth is happening! God encouraged me immediately and I was no longer dissapointed. Anyway, I have some triad reading to do so I better do that and then Peter and I will do our marriage devotion and OFF. TO . BED.  I'm so tired!!

a room a day

oh nuts. I have a cold again. My nose is usually plugged and now I am starting to have an itchy throat. Depending on the severity of the plugged nose, I might take that over coughing. Coughing was so miserable the two whole months i had it. It just never seemed to give in and every time I coughed, I felt my whole body ache and I'd especially get cramps. I was so grateful for last night because I was positive I'd have to sleep on the couch, but I fell asleep fairly quickly and didn't cough too much. I am pretty sure having 3 pillows to prop my head up helped.

Today was my 15 week appointment. I mostly feel pregnant every day but sometimes when I look in the mirror I really have to take a second look. I feel the strains of pregnancy but not many kicks for  reminders. Today I felt a whole lot more. It's usually at night, (like right now :) ) but today while in G.F., I felt some too. Today had its ups and downs but overall it was pretty fun. My appointment went well, I got a flu shot, I got some maternity clothing (though I got three things, I think I will take them back to get a larger size so that I can grow into them, depending on how baggy it is. They fit perfect now with a little room to grow but I'd like them to fit 'til the end of my pregnancy.......wish I would have thought of that then!)  I got a shirt, another pair of pants, and some black pants for church. To this day I own two maternity jeans, two maternity shirts, and one dress pants.  I probably don't need much more but it is nice to have some variety, especially during the holiday get-to-togethers.  I really can't wear anything snug... I get cramps.

I also purchased a bunch of things for our harvest banquet on sunday and plan to do a project for that. We'll see how much time I get. I picked up a few different cards I plan to use for Christmas cards (I like to see how they turn out before I order 200!), got some things dry-cleaned, and got lots of groceries. Tomorrow I visit with two friends (at different times) and then have my bible study at night.  We had the girls pick up their toys tonight~ extra well~ and I did the dishes/made supper while Peter brought the girls outside. After the girls went to bed, we worked on our bedroom. Honestly, we dusted furniture, washed walls, and took everything dusty out of the room. This will most likely be a 3 day project (or 4 or 5) but we felt it was especially necessary because we've been sleeping very poorly lately. Tomorrow we will take all furniture and vacuum behind furniture and under beds, curtains are in the wash now, tomorrow bedding (which is done every 1-2 weeks anyway) and sometime maybe tomorrow or the next we will take everything off shelves and dust and put back. This means we'll get to throw out a bunch of stuff (hopefully)  Yesterday I threw out a ton of magazines. I tried not to look at them because I just knew i'd think "oh, I'll read that soon" and I never do. I did keep one though...   so, tomorrow, or thursday I really need to throw or sell some of the shoes/purses i have in my closet and it will be nice to have the clothes more organized. I bought two more tubs for the storage of clothing for both maddy and I, and those will hopefully go upstairs sometime this week.  Ah, motivation. I love it, but it is sure tiring. Washing walls really made me realize that it doesn't take very long. I might just do a room a day.

leggings

who knew i would sort of like leggings. I don't love them because I am still getting used to them, but I am warming up to the idea. It is mostly because I get very crampy wearing maternity jeans or any jeans that jar into my stomach. Leggings are just more comfortable -- IF i have good boots or flats to wear with them. I really am trying to drink more water but I just never remember. I have an appointment on Tuesday so I am going to make my dr. give me an in-office ultra-sound. I only get cramps when I sit. So, that means I can't sit at the table, car, or sit on the floor with my kids (without getting cramps). The nurses told me to avoid that position. How in the world can I do that?! Praying everything is okay.

Today was a fun day, especially in the morning. I got a few deals while shopping in a nearby town. It mostly just felt good to get out. I'm definitely looking forward to the extra hour of sleep tonight. Hoping my girls will enjoy it too.

got it.

I think we caught the culprit. I hope.  It all started after nap. I went into the kitchen and STILL saw a bunch of fruit flies buzzing around. what in the world. I really took a huge sigh and decided it was time. Time to start cleaning out the kitchen and finding this decaying fruit or vegetable that is causing these flies to reproduce. So i began with the pot rack. I took everything off the top and cleaned it and sprayed vinegar on it. Then I started spraying the flies with the mixture and one by one they'd fall off the ceiling, I think dead. Maybe they flew away, I don't know. It's not like it was an overwhelming amount. These suckers were hiding! That is why it was so shocking to me each time a bowl of dead flies would appear; hundreds of dead flies. where are they coming from?!

Peter got home around 5pm or maybe even after and asked if we could go outside. I then asked him if I could stay inside to try to get rid of this fly issue. So I cleaned most of the counter-tops, the table, the cabinet doors, and got rid of a lot of junk.  I was going to go into the garage for something and noticed a whole bunch of flies in that room. what in the world, again!!!?? This door is always closed, how are they getting there?  So, after killing them both with water and a fly swatter, I left and later returned with a basket of clothes.  MORE.  oh. my. word.   Peter told me to not worry about it and save my energy for something else.  Easy for him! This is a failure for me. Fail! We are dirty slobs, I think.   I went downstairs to put the clothes in and turned the corner............... and low and behold, a dirty, rotten sack of potatoes and tons of fruit flies feeding on it!  I yelled for Peter... actually I sprinted upstairs and yelled for him and impatiently asked him to come down right away. He had just started a book for the girls and said he needed to finish.  I was excited yet extremely grossed out and couldn't believe he was willing to wait another second to get rid of the flies.   So, poor Peter ended up cleaning out the bag and sanitizing everything around it.

I hope this is the end. It really needs to be. I just need to focus on getting back to the way it was before pregnancy and keeping it that way. I feel now that since Peter has watched the girls, he's taken more responsibility and is helpful. Last night in our devotional specifically on marriage that we've been doing, the main point was that actions speak louder than words. He can tell me a hundred times that he loves me but somehow the things he does for me speaks much louder! 

good

I had such a good weekend. I left Thursday morning and arrived in Bemidji about 3pm. We stopped to shop, get a few groceries, and eat before we started our quilting weekend. When I say "we" I mean my mother in law. It was really a much needed get away. Though I felt really sad to leave the kids behind and especially Peter (he was REALLY SAD! You should have seen his face!) We are hardly ever apart. I know we need breaks from each other but I was sad that it wasn't us on our getaway, which is hopefully soon. Our annual trip to Fargo will be fun and we've picked out a few dates with my mother in law that might work.  I am also not used to sewing all day so I wondered how that might go. The time went really quickly and we of course took breaks to each dinners, snack, and have coffee breaks. Even a nap.

I think the funnest part of it all was just getting away from any and all negativity. I don't remember one thing about the trip that was negative. I could be myself and everyone accepted me. That was the best feeling ever. I finished my quilt the first day I was there and then worked on the backing the next morning. I love that when you send in your quilt, you don't have to worry about putting the batting and the backing on. They do it for you--that is the toughest part for me. It always seems to bunch up.  I also made two pillows (and would have been more had I bought enough material) and a table runner. I also have a coffee table runner I plan to make soon that seems really easy. After quilting with the girls I feel confident about doing work on my own and making another quilt.

I came back to a new marriage devotional Peter had bought for us, a phenomenal church service and exceptional church fellowship. Peter was overly helpful and we had so many good talks. I felt like I was extremely excited to see and talk with the girls as well. I anticipated last night that Satan would try to tear down my high and I was right. This time though, I felt like I had the full armor of God.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 I was ready this time!  Fully knowing Satan would use anything he could,  I was ready.  I've written down a verse and will memorize today to help:

You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

random

This is going to be very random, but the last few days I have been feeling much better than I ever have. On Monday however, I ended up eating way too much and had an upset stomach the first part of the night making it impossible to sleep. That is really my only complaint.

I had a really good bible study (s) this week; one being Beth Moore and I can't even tell you how may things I underlined and felt that God was really talking just to me. How much encouragement means - I could totally relate to that. Another thing was just having hope and realizing that Gods ways are always going to be right, and who are we to question him when we know nothing about it! So that was also very humbling. Job 38:1-2, and Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 were both very powerful to me. I've memorized "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit rots the bones" and now I am onto "Where there are many words, there is much folly". I can't exactly find it in proverbs but that is what i'm memorizing. It is so true and i've remembered it especially with my talks with Peter.  

I'm trying very hard not to take naps during nap time, mostly because I tend to get very groggy and it seems hard to take just a 20 minute nap. I end up sleeping really hard and that makes it impossible to get through a hard sleep cycle in that amount of time. So, I've MADE myself get up and do some organizing. It is completely overwhelming to think of all the organizing I'd have to do before I am satisfied, but.... one section at a time. Yesterday I went through the living room and brought most of the toys back upstairs (where they belong!), and set out baskets of things that belonged in Kates room and our room.  Today I worked on the magazine situation. This summer I bought actual magazine holders so I put all the magazines that seemed to be floating around or resting in places they didn't belong. Then I cleaned under the coffee table-- all the old albums that just need to be put upstairs. I went through the rest of the photos I'd ordered awhile ago and put them in the kids' albums, along with changing out some of the really old photos in frames. I then went to the Hoosier cabinet we have and emptied out drawers, mail, etc. I threw away a lot of stuff (forced myself) and now just to put them in proper places. That always seems to be the biggest chore. I can't decide which place next I'll do. It should probably be the kitchen but I fear that'd take months!

Tomorrow I leave for a couple days to quilt with my mother in law. I am excited to go, yet of course sad because I will miss the kids and Peter. I don't want this to be my only chance for a get-away; I do hope to get to go shopping with some of my friends one day, just for a day, so I hope Peter is willing to watch the kids every now and then. It will be nice to spend some time with my mother in law, too, since I hardly even see her these days. I'm hoping to pretty much finish my quilt and work on some pillows. Please pray for good sleep for me... I always have trouble at home, in my own home, so I can't imagine how it will go somewhere else. Also pray for baby. I feel like Satan has been trying to scare me that something is wrong with the baby. Just because I haven't loved the pregnancy and I think if something were to happen God would tell me...."be thankful in every situation".  I just shouldn't take for granted a pregnancy. That is all... hoping for a nice, relaxing weekend.

a little help

We ended up having a really nice time at the pumpkin patch on Saturday. I really thought I had missed my chance bringing the kids there and felt even worse when I wasn't able to go with Kate and her class. But, it was finally something to look forward to, and even better, we got to spend the day with some friends from church. 

a picture of me and peter out in the corn maze. Below are some other favorites from the day. The rest I am saving for another time... once I can get caught up on editing.

Yesterday as I talked to a friend from church and as she prayed over me I felt hope again, finally, that I can overcome these pregnancy blues i'm in. It's not something that I can do alone, but with the prayers of others and myself asking to change my heart and attitude, it might be something that I can totally get out of. I think also, just being in Gods word and totally surrounding myself with scripture and bible studies (hoping i can keep up with them!) will also benefit me. I realized I am overwhelmed with material, as I just started a new book, "Not a Fan" and now starting a new series in our church bible study "Lies Young Woman Believe", the Beth Moore series, and the triad readings we do each week. I am really hoping I can find someone to come and clean once a week or twice a month (reasonably priced) to take some of that burden off me so I can focus more on my kids and my bible studies. If you know of anyone... let me know! also just being able to be recharged once in a while with time by myself or help with cleaning or a break from making supper totally helps. Yesterday Kelsey my sister came over and spent time with the kids and I napped while Peter was grilling supper. I can't even thank them enough.

craft time

love.

done

The night before beets ended I spent 45 minutes on the kitchen  before bed. From 9pm-9:45 I scrubbed dishes, loaded dishes, cleaned counter-tops, cleared the kitchen table, swept floors, and straightened up.  When it was finished, it felt so good to see a clean kitchen. It really gave me hope. I had also been working on the mountains of clothes that had accumulated  -most are still not put away and now i have two big basket fulls again that piled up.  Peter came home at 6pm yesterday and he offered to help make supper. I cannot even tell you how much that brought my spirits up. I began to hug him and make sure he knew how helpful it was and how much he can contribute to helping me feel better in my 'situation'. Yesterday I was really planning to go on the elliptical for only 15 minutes, but I made the mistake of sitting down and then eventually taking a mere 1.5 hour nap. I was still groggy when the kids got up and I really didn't snap out of it until 6:30. at 9, I was practically falling asleep again while reading the book "Not A Fan".   So far, so good. I only got to 30 pages but so far it had a lot of really good examples that if I were in a conversation with someone who was seeking God, i'd be able to tell them the difference between someone that is just a 'fan' of god, and not a follower. 

We went to bed around 10 and I fell asleep fairly quickly which doesn't happen very much. I slept through the night except the time Maddy woke up at 5.  At least it was only once this night. Over the last week (teething I think) she's been getting up once or twice a night crying. This happened when she got her other molar, and eventually after more than a week and a half, I had to just let her cry a night because she just wanted to snuggle for a little while. It sure felt good though, even if i was tired.

This morning I slept til 8 which felt so nice. I tried to clean the kitchen a little bit while making oatmeal for me and the girls when I found something very disgusting. A good thing, though. I had asked my mother in law how to get rid of fruit flies, and she said put some dish soap in a bowl with water and some vinegar.  So, i had put a few different bowls up around the kitchen and yes, it would catch maybe 5-10 in each bowl. Well, I put one up on the shelf where I hang my pots and pans, and I checked it this morning.... there must have been 30 or so in there! Disgusting. But, now there are 30 less flying around. Yup, it is really embarrassing for me to admit that we had that many fruit flies in the house, but its true. The kitchen was not kept up and it got really bad. There are still a lot in the kitchen but I am working on catching them. My main problem is , once I get the kitchen cleaned up, then I want to bake. Like yesterday, it was spotless and then i wanted to make banana and blueberry bread.  Well, no! I stopped myself because that's how i get behind. We don't need it right now. So, unfortunately instead, last night peter wanted to make pudding, but we didn't have any, so what do I make. Cupcakes with chocolate frosting. Ok, they were excellent, but now there's a mess i've got to deal with. :) It will get done. Mind over matter.   I suppose I better go now.. It felt nice to share what's been going on the past couple days.  Beets. Are. Done, and it feels really good.  I am praying they can finish quickly what they need to before next weekend so I can go to a quilting retreat. Its the only time I think I'd finally finish kate's quilt... mainly b/c i would be forced to work on it and not have any interruptions! Plus, it would be nice to interact with adults.   More later!

song of the week

First of all I'd like to share the song that's been on my heart this week. I think it is crucial for me to explain why this song is important to me. Through these last 8-9 weeks, I have been discouraged by the pregnancy and just being sick all the time with morning sickness along with sickness in our family for a few weeks and just not being able to be my true self. My mood is off, I am more emotional, more tired, -just not myself. So, I was feeling sorry for myself. I remember one specific time coming home from bible study and crying to Peter how I felt and he said "God made you strong to get through things like this by yourself so you can continue to serve others." And it's true. No matter what season I am in, I'm still called to serve. All I needed was some encouragement and I opened my eyes and found ways to serve. And how? The power of the holy spirit.

I have been praying lately that I would just somehow get out of this funk I'm in and like the song, be awakened. I just am tired of focusing on myself. Here are some of the lyrics. Just really all so true what I'm going through:

In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

[Verse 2:]
Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

[Chorus:]
For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

[Verse 3:]
In Your presence
In Your power
Awakening

oh boy. So powerful. So, then at church my pastor's sermon was about the holy spirit and basically just being awakened. He talked about Zacchaeus the tax collector, and how he was a pretty mean and greedy man, with a love for money in his heart.  It took the holy spirit to awaken his soul to change his ways.  I don't really know what God is up to, but I'm liking it. Even though it is truly truly hard for me to mourn over kids that really are suffering and DYING because of starvation... if it takes that to open my eyes -- I mean, it's a reality. I can choose to accept that it's really happening or I can turn my head and move on with life. That's a choice that a lot of people have to make each day. But if we choose to let it affect us, maybe the outcome will change? I let myself fall to the ground, sobbing to God on my knees asking him WHY... help these poor kids!! please. It is completely humbling and I don't do it often, sadly, to get on my knees in desperation. In complete surrender. I am willing to give my last cent so that one child can eat instead of waiting every 48 hours like these kids! It wasn't her day to eat. Can you even imagine? Oh my word, I can't. I really can't.  Use me Lord.   

shabby chic

It has been so fun to see my shabby chic party all over pinterest (in fact I get a ton of traffic from pinterest on my blog) and then now to see it on other wedding sites is so much fun.  More later.

tea for 1

so anyway, this is what my facebook has looked like for 2 weeks now. They keep saying it is going to go "live" soon and it never does. That kind of stinks. Only those who have added this 'timeline' application can see other profiles who have done this... I really like it because then it doesn't show all the places I've visited and commented on. I really dislike when people go to my profile to snoop.

Morning sickness again tonight.  But that's okay. I got to visit Peter in the field and brought him some supper. I made buns last minute and i've already had 2 just now.  I'm hungry.  I also have lots of dishes to do and Sunday school material to go over and beth moore bible study and bible readings and cards to make (singing in a wedding tomorrow) and clothes in the wash.. yikes! I am being quite lazy and wasting time on the computer. No wonder I am behind! I have no one to blame but myself. I just don't have energy.  Otherwise today went well. The girls are beginning to claw each other which, I am a bit worried about. They've got scratch marks on a few places and I just wonder where they got this lashing out at each other. I think it is mostly Maddy. She seems to be a lot like me. One example is her love for breads/grains (heart).

 oh yes, and it is friday night and i am going to be doing dishes. That is actually okay. I've got to get them done and it is best to do them when the kids are asleep.  Peter informed me if things go smoothly, we have roughly 5  (FIVE FIVE FIVE FIVE!!!!!!!!) days left of beets. I'm not excited.

My 'pregnancy' tea is whistling so I guess I'll go and enjoy that! Wish me luck on my songs tomorrow. 

PS, do you love, like me, when your all the dishes in your dishwasher comes out dirty because the little soap dispenser door didn't open?  and you really needed those dishes to be clean?  me too!