Monday, November 28, 2011

already here

Right now it is a little past 12am and I cannot sleep. Even though my body is aching and uncomfortable and my eyes are burning from tiredness, I am wide awake. Today has been a restful day, no doubt, yet I can't seem to shut off my wandering, stressed mind. Tonight we put up our tree, and though it was fun, it really wasn't. I realized what an impatient mother I am and have started praying that I can be more laid back. Decorating the tree was not enjoyable. Because I love things perfect, I could not string my beads and lights perfectly around the tree as I'd hoped; meanwhile, the kids were recklessly getting into all kinds of ornaments, breaking tops off, and making a mess. Kate was excited.... she wanted to decorate the tree. I don't blame her. I was, very much so, ripping out the last two strands of hair on my head just to get the girls to listen and be patient. I finally just sat down on my chase and silently cried. When Kate noticed, she said "Why are you sad?" and I just shrugged. I shrugged because there was no reason for my mood and grumpiness and it was silly to be upset that I'm a moron and can't light up a tree! She then said with a big smile, "When I am sad, music helps me feel better!"

It was easier and more enjoyable from then on but my prayer tonight for sure was to just enjoy our activities. So what if it's a mess. So what if it didn't go as planned. Part of everyone's problem these days is having high expectations.  Decorating was supposed to be fun, and I ruined part of it by letting my cramps and controlling mood get in the way. I need to find some scripture that will help remind me of this when I am in certain situations.

So, I can't sleep because I am thinking about all that happened tonight/today, all the things I have to do this week, and last but not least, blogging it.  Usually when I can't sleep, writing helps calm me down and it's like it erases from my mind for the night. Tomorrow I am hoping I can be laid back, get work done but also do fun things with the kids and just plain ol' enjoy our day. Isn't that what really matters? Yikes, I've got a lot to work on!

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