Monday, October 17, 2011

song of the week

First of all I'd like to share the song that's been on my heart this week. I think it is crucial for me to explain why this song is important to me. Through these last 8-9 weeks, I have been discouraged by the pregnancy and just being sick all the time with morning sickness along with sickness in our family for a few weeks and just not being able to be my true self. My mood is off, I am more emotional, more tired, -just not myself. So, I was feeling sorry for myself. I remember one specific time coming home from bible study and crying to Peter how I felt and he said "God made you strong to get through things like this by yourself so you can continue to serve others." And it's true. No matter what season I am in, I'm still called to serve. All I needed was some encouragement and I opened my eyes and found ways to serve. And how? The power of the holy spirit.

I have been praying lately that I would just somehow get out of this funk I'm in and like the song, be awakened. I just am tired of focusing on myself. Here are some of the lyrics. Just really all so true what I'm going through:

In our hearts Lord
In this nation

[Verse 2:]
Holy Spirit
We Desire

For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

[Verse 3:]
In Your presence
In Your power
oh boy. So powerful. So, then at church my pastor's sermon was about the holy spirit and basically just being awakened. He talked about Zacchaeus the tax collector, and how he was a pretty mean and greedy man, with a love for money in his heart.  It took the holy spirit to awaken his soul to change his ways.  I don't really know what God is up to, but I'm liking it. Even though it is truly truly hard for me to mourn over kids that really are suffering and DYING because of starvation... if it takes that to open my eyes -- I mean, it's a reality. I can choose to accept that it's really happening or I can turn my head and move on with life. That's a choice that a lot of people have to make each day. But if we choose to let it affect us, maybe the outcome will change? I let myself fall to the ground, sobbing to God on my knees asking him WHY... help these poor kids!! please. It is completely humbling and I don't do it often, sadly, to get on my knees in desperation. In complete surrender. I am willing to give my last cent so that one child can eat instead of waiting every 48 hours like these kids! It wasn't her day to eat. Can you even imagine? Oh my word, I can't. I really can't.  Use me Lord.   

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