My devotion time

One of my prayers at night is that I am given wisdom in each situation I'm in. Especially homeschooling, but in all the battles I face each day. How do I get through them?

Proverbs 16:16 “How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver!”

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. - Jeremiah 29:13

And each day, I most certainly do.  But do I apply it?  Not always. I feel like God is pressing all kinds of things at me... and most are repetitious. But I am not always focused. 

I not only have gotten some good things from Psalms, Proverbs, and devotionals, but from the kids' bible stories too!  Sonlight does a really good job making connections between their books and selections. So it is not by chance that both a bible passage we read today and a story of a missionary were about the importance of prayer. Today we talked about Ahab and how the prophet Elijah had warned him that there would be famine in the land. Ahab paid no attention to him, but after awhile he saw that indeed there was no rain. So he searched for him for three years, never to find him. God sent Elijah back to tell Ahab there would be rain. (The full passage is in 1 Kings 17 & 18) Story short... Elijah went up to the mountain top to pray for rain. 

⁴¹ And Elijah said to Ahab, “Go up, eat and drink, for there is a sound of the rushing of rain.” ⁴² So Ahab went up to eat and to drink. And Elijah went up to the top of Mount Carmel. And he bowed himself down on the earth and put his face between his knees. ⁴³ And he said to his servant, “Go up now, look toward the sea.” And he went up and looked and said, “There is nothing.” And he said, “Go again,” seven times. ⁴⁴ And at the seventh time he said, “Behold, a little cloud like a man's hand is rising from the sea.” And he said, “Go up, say to Ahab, ‘Prepare your chariot and go down, lest the rain stop you.’” ⁴⁵ And in a little while the heavens grew black with clouds and wind, and there was a great rain. And Ahab rode and went to Jezreel. ⁴⁶ And the hand of the Lord was on Elijah, and he gathered up his garment and ran before Ahab to the entrance of Jezreel.

So, an "Aha" moment. Again. 
Prayer.
Seven times he prayed!

I'm so quick to pray once, and then be disappointed that my prayer wasn't answered.  The other story we read was about this man who prayed for several years for missionaries to come and deliver the gospel to his and other children.. the only problem was they lived far away in the jungle, and it was not in the missionaries territories. They would travel 80-100 miles one way to plead with the missionaries. After years of praying, it finally happened. They didn't give up.

I was reading my devotional the other day called A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.  The title was "Praying With Confidence" and the scripture was 1 John 5:14

This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.

 This is also the same verse that was spoken in church this last week. In the devotional she talked about taking scriptures from the Bible and turning them into powerful prayers. Using Gods word as a guide gave her a new sense of confidence and direction when she didn't know what to say. If you think about it, praying scriptures should give us confidence because we are praying Gods will when we are praying Gods word! Hebrews 4:12 says that Gods word is alive & active. We can ask God to show us verses that we can pray each day so that we can see His word come alive in our circumstances and become active in our lives.  What verses has God been showing you?

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lords glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.                       2 Corinthians 3:18

You armed me with strength for battle. Psalm 18:39

fear

Today is Saturday and I have sadly woken up very late. Peter is curling in Hallock, MN this morning and had to get up earlier and so he got up with the kids and fed them breakfast and let me sleep. Though I very much enjoy getting to sleep in, it is always a little weird to start off so late. Last night I had a dream about delivering the baby.  There were so many women delivering......and I was trying to deliver at 36 weeks. In my dream I couldn't understand why I wasn't having many contractions. That's kind of how I feel now. There are sooo many babies being born and I have to still wait another month. I don't think I would really love a birthday right after Maddy's just because I'd want them to be able to enjoy their own birthday parties, etc. but it would be so nice to go early.

Since the beginning I have had such anxiety about the baby. That it's not healthy...has down syndrome, has this or that... etc. I really did try to ignore it and even asked for prayer in my bible study group.  However, a couple weeks ago in church we had quiet time and the subject to ask God was "Is there a trial you are facing now or in the future that you need wisdom on?"  and I sat there for a little bit as usual thinking, hmm, I wonder what it could be?  and then the word "baby" popped in my mind.  I immediately sunk in my seat with filled with disappointment.  I honestly said in my mind "what do you mean Lord!!" I still sat quiet in hope that I'd get more information and I don't know if it was me thinking what the possibilities could be... such as the pregnancy has been a trial  (the hardest by far) and the upcoming month will continue to be hard. Then when I brought it up to my bible study group, they reminded me that it could mean an extra baby could be a trial. One of the girls has three kids and she said it was really hard for her to go to three kids. So, maybe I am being naive and not considering that it is going to be different...... a trial. Especially going into the busy season of planting, harvesting and lots of summer activities and etc. It always seems to be something.

Then yesterday I read my bible study in James 1:2; It says:  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

The bible study book went on to explain how in Luke 10:30 it says he "fell into the hands of robbers", and how left alone, that's just what trials are: ROBBERS. TAKERS.  Another thing I underlined was: Trials don't get to steal from followers of Christ unless we hand over the goods.

So true.

So, I felt slightly encouraged by what I read, as if God was trying to tell me that Satan is just trying to Rob me of my joy in pregnancy.  It could still be a trial with the babies health. It could. But for now I just don't want Satan to give me this fear.  Please pray for me!

up again

I'm up again, but I am pretty sure caffeine is the culprit! I guess I just can't have coffee after lunch. I can't say that I am upset though; this is rather nice. If I can't spend an ample amount of time in the morning by myself, then night time will have to do for now. This morning I didn't get to do my devotions because we were getting ready to leave for our girls shopping day (plus jack, my nephew). It was really fun, and I think the kids did so well. I am so proud of them. I got some good deals, too. We went to 3 gently used clothing stores (my kind of shopping!) and got to splurge on a coffee. It was so worth the late night, though. Next time, though, I will remember to get decaf.

Tonight as I finished reading through Luke, something non-instructive stood out to me. Usually when I read, God instructs and convicts me through His word. This time, it was really just a "oh yeah" kind of moment. Something that is so simple, yet I'm still so much in awe over it:

Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, "If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us." But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, "Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong." Then he said to Jesus, "Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."

                                                                             Luke 23 (39-43)
I guess I am just in awe over God's grace and mercy for us, and his ability to forgive so quickly if we just truly in our hearts believe.

• He respected God (Do you not even fear God).

• He knew his own sin (under the same condemnation . . . we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds).

• He knew Jesus (this Man has done nothing wrong).

• He called out to Jesus (he said to Jesus).

• He called out to Jesus as Lord (he said to Jesus, "Lord . . .").

• He believed Jesus was who Jesus said He was (remember me when You come into Your kingdom).

• He believed the promise of everlasting life from Jesus
• 
  
  
  
  And that's it. That's the start of a great relationship with Christ. Tonight as I study God's word I am feeling so blessed and refreshed. I really felt like I was supposed to share all of this--a few days ago I was reading Luke 21... and it made me feel like His coming is going to be soon. This is very real, and I want to be ready!
  
  
  
  
  Song I'm meditating on this week:  God of This City 

thankful

Open my eyes so that I may see wonderful things in your law 

I guess right now I am just so thankful that God even still bothers with me. I am a sinner and often do not love Him the way I should or even give Him the time he deserves.

I am seriously crying right now. God is so good to me.

Today was another rainy day. Kate was in our room at 6 a.m. Being she was scared, we let her sleep with us and all she did was toss and turn so I went with her to her room and we fell asleep. Thank goodness she has a full-size bed. I slept until 8:30. Kate woke up at 9. I decided since it was raining I should keep introducing the potty to Maddy. Previously this week she had made a couple "dribbles" in the potty, which definitely was success in our books! So, we continued today -- she peed in her underwear once, and after that she kind of was pouting to not go on the potty. At that moment I remembered really to pray to God over her potty chair that Satan would flee, not causing fear or any anxiety, and wisdom for me to make the right decisions. We pretty much went the whole day peeing several times in the potty.  Wow, i am speechless. I am so thankful. We of course, made a huge deal about it and she got lots of candy. Most of the time it was her idea to go. She'd grab my hand and bring me to the potty that she had already went in, and she got a candy from the parade. I was so proud.

We went the whole day being fairly busy and really not stopping except to finally shower at 3:30. We found out we were having supper guests so I tried to hurry to make a rhubarb/strawberry coffee cake. Man, was that good!  I felt bad for Peter not being able to have it. I tried to only eat a small piece. Even Jed, his cousin, liked it, who told me right away he does not like rhubarb :)  When they all left, I could tell that Maddy had to go to the bathroom and Kate was bugging us in the bathroom so Maddy wanted to get out. She stopped, and had diarrhea all over the carpet in the dining room. I was already discouraged at this point but we didn't make a big deal about it and I used a cleaning product from Don Aslett that is a miracle potion! I am looking at it now and it is completely gone.

The girls went to bed and I really felt like God had something for me in my "To Live Is Christ" bible study book that I have been reading when I feel prompted. Sure enough, just what I needed to hear. The key reading was Philippians 4: 1-23. Beth talked about the 5 thieves of contentment: 1. Pettiness (how women tend to get their feelings hurt about petty things) 2. Anxiety ( using prayer in verse 6 to battle anxiety, with specific requests and details in our prayers) 3. Destructive Thoughts  (meditating on negative, destructive thoughts, and how Paul gave us a wonderful checklist on what thoughts we should be meditating on , vs 8) 4. Resistance to learn (how we learn to be content by the trials we face and how we should ask to have teachable hearts through these trials) 5. Independence (Relying on God to give us strength)  Before I started the study, I wrote in my journal just really asking God for strength and peace. I feel like a lot of times when I ask God for certain things, such as self control over food, the very next day it is extremely bad. I know it's because Satan (the thief) is there to tempt me.  I need to be asking God for STRENGTH!!!

So that is when I opened up my study and realized the exact thing I was going to be reading about was Philippians 4:4-7: "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Yup. Just for me. Even though I have read that verse probably a hundred times. It was what I needed to hear tonight.  Now about strength: vs 19:  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Again, a verse read multiple times. Just what I needed tonight. I need to really ask over and over and over for strength. No matter what I'm struggling with. All I have to do is ask.  So encouraging. And why is it that I am always so amazed that God speaks to me through bible studies and his Word at the exact time I need it?  I don't know, but I am thankful !

discouraged

Many lessons have been learned in the last week I would say. What a week!  God is showing and confirming things to me each time I ask... without going into much detail about my last triad meeting, (we are training to disciple others) I left discouraged. I left wondering why God has put me in certain situations or places, or with certain people. A few days later I got a card in the mail (encouragement) confirming what I thought God was telling me.  That probably doesn't make sense to you but I'd rather not explain too much.

On the way to bemidji this weekend, we were listening to some podcasts by Chip on KFNW. In our Triad meetings, everyone is reading through certain books of the bible, only multiple times. For example, last week we went through James... and in one week, we are to read 20-24 chapters... so in James, since there's only about 5 chapters, we read through the book of James at least 4-5 times. It was a real blessing because then certain things pop up each time you read it, and I began to understand it more.  It just so happened that our podcast was on the first chapter of James....it was on discouragement. We didn't get to listen to a lot of it because we were in and out of the car (we had just arrived in bemidji) but one of the question asked was: "what makes you most discouraged?"  and i remember telling peter how discouraged I get when I know people are mad at me.  The next day I am shopping and my loving husband gives me some spending money. I had forgotten it in the car and asked him to bring it in for me -- within 5 minutes I lost it.  It pretty much wrecked my whole day... I let that wreck my whole day.  I was so discouraged... not so much about the money (though i know it is just a 'thing' and is replaceable, i was still sad that it was gone)- I was really just feeding myself lies of "you're worthless", "you can't do anything right", "you always let people down", "someone's always mad at you", etc.  The whole day.. then i began to think: "you're so fat, ugly, no one likes you" etc.  As we went to go eat, Kate started complaining that her stomach hurt.  and I really believed her, she did not look good at all. You could just tell that it was an upset stomach and I really had thoughts that she was getting the flu (others in our extended family had just been sick with the flu) so both peter and I were just in dissapointing moods. I finally just told my mother in law what had happened, with tears coming down my face, and i felt like I had let all those lies come rushing out of my body. I could tell she felt badly and just being able to tell another christian what was bothering me was helpful. Out of no where, kate said "I feel better!" which to me is a miracle after the way she looked. I really felt like i was under attack at that point... and after hearing many stores of how Satan can physically make people ill -- one of his most unknown ways of getting to people is through discouragement. It's like a mask... he uses it so that we can't rebuke him because we don't know what the cause is. It is so important to know the difference between having a bad day, or Satans attacks.

One thing I got out of my James readings this last week were two things:  Is my life revolving around things that can change? If so, my life will look like I'm riding the rocky seas.. up and down, up and down. What can I control? I can't control that I lost that money. Our thoughts on that were, maybe it was for someone who really needed it. If so, I am more than happy to be apart of Gods plan. My hope is that I can look through situations in Gods eyes... if I have problems/situations and keep focusing on it, that's going to be my perspective in life. (vs 9-12) I need to look at Gods perspective and have a willful dependency on God because circumstances change!!

Another thing I took from it was making sure I am asking in faith. Faith means that I have confidence that Gods promises are true and that I trust Him. If I am double minded like James says, that means I am still asking God to give me an answer to something... but then when he tells me, then I say "uh, well that's not what I wanted to hear" and basically ignore what He's said. From now on when I ask... I need to ask for supernatural wisdom and understanding how to do what God wants me to do in a situation... and then learn to do whatever God's wisdom is.  It's like writing your name on a check  and cashing it in. Once you sign it.... you need to follow through. Before you ask, you cannot in the back of your mind have a thought that you might not follow through with it... God already knows this! For example if I asked (which this is just an example) "God, what am I supposed to do in this situation?"  and God says "Move to another state"... I need to trust that it's the right decision. Hopefully that makes sense... another example was my hopelessness with Kate being potty trained. I kept asking for wisdom on what to do... and felt like he was telling me to be patient, but I really thought, no way... I can't. Time will not heal her... she is afraid of the potty!

Today really has been a longgg longgg day. Bedtime was definitely a sigh of relief. It seems like after a trip like this, it takes a while for the girls to get back to normal. I thought I ate good today and exercised well, so overall I am pleased. So far my new years resolution is going well... I am baking alot, exercising and eating good, - the craft thing is on hold but once in a while I get to do a little something.  That's all for now.... reading and bedtime for this girl.