good

I had such a good weekend. I left Thursday morning and arrived in Bemidji about 3pm. We stopped to shop, get a few groceries, and eat before we started our quilting weekend. When I say "we" I mean my mother in law. It was really a much needed get away. Though I felt really sad to leave the kids behind and especially Peter (he was REALLY SAD! You should have seen his face!) We are hardly ever apart. I know we need breaks from each other but I was sad that it wasn't us on our getaway, which is hopefully soon. Our annual trip to Fargo will be fun and we've picked out a few dates with my mother in law that might work.  I am also not used to sewing all day so I wondered how that might go. The time went really quickly and we of course took breaks to each dinners, snack, and have coffee breaks. Even a nap.

I think the funnest part of it all was just getting away from any and all negativity. I don't remember one thing about the trip that was negative. I could be myself and everyone accepted me. That was the best feeling ever. I finished my quilt the first day I was there and then worked on the backing the next morning. I love that when you send in your quilt, you don't have to worry about putting the batting and the backing on. They do it for you--that is the toughest part for me. It always seems to bunch up.  I also made two pillows (and would have been more had I bought enough material) and a table runner. I also have a coffee table runner I plan to make soon that seems really easy. After quilting with the girls I feel confident about doing work on my own and making another quilt.

I came back to a new marriage devotional Peter had bought for us, a phenomenal church service and exceptional church fellowship. Peter was overly helpful and we had so many good talks. I felt like I was extremely excited to see and talk with the girls as well. I anticipated last night that Satan would try to tear down my high and I was right. This time though, I felt like I had the full armor of God.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 I was ready this time!  Fully knowing Satan would use anything he could,  I was ready.  I've written down a verse and will memorize today to help:

You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

random

This is going to be very random, but the last few days I have been feeling much better than I ever have. On Monday however, I ended up eating way too much and had an upset stomach the first part of the night making it impossible to sleep. That is really my only complaint.

I had a really good bible study (s) this week; one being Beth Moore and I can't even tell you how may things I underlined and felt that God was really talking just to me. How much encouragement means - I could totally relate to that. Another thing was just having hope and realizing that Gods ways are always going to be right, and who are we to question him when we know nothing about it! So that was also very humbling. Job 38:1-2, and Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 were both very powerful to me. I've memorized "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit rots the bones" and now I am onto "Where there are many words, there is much folly". I can't exactly find it in proverbs but that is what i'm memorizing. It is so true and i've remembered it especially with my talks with Peter.  

I'm trying very hard not to take naps during nap time, mostly because I tend to get very groggy and it seems hard to take just a 20 minute nap. I end up sleeping really hard and that makes it impossible to get through a hard sleep cycle in that amount of time. So, I've MADE myself get up and do some organizing. It is completely overwhelming to think of all the organizing I'd have to do before I am satisfied, but.... one section at a time. Yesterday I went through the living room and brought most of the toys back upstairs (where they belong!), and set out baskets of things that belonged in Kates room and our room.  Today I worked on the magazine situation. This summer I bought actual magazine holders so I put all the magazines that seemed to be floating around or resting in places they didn't belong. Then I cleaned under the coffee table-- all the old albums that just need to be put upstairs. I went through the rest of the photos I'd ordered awhile ago and put them in the kids' albums, along with changing out some of the really old photos in frames. I then went to the Hoosier cabinet we have and emptied out drawers, mail, etc. I threw away a lot of stuff (forced myself) and now just to put them in proper places. That always seems to be the biggest chore. I can't decide which place next I'll do. It should probably be the kitchen but I fear that'd take months!

Tomorrow I leave for a couple days to quilt with my mother in law. I am excited to go, yet of course sad because I will miss the kids and Peter. I don't want this to be my only chance for a get-away; I do hope to get to go shopping with some of my friends one day, just for a day, so I hope Peter is willing to watch the kids every now and then. It will be nice to spend some time with my mother in law, too, since I hardly even see her these days. I'm hoping to pretty much finish my quilt and work on some pillows. Please pray for good sleep for me... I always have trouble at home, in my own home, so I can't imagine how it will go somewhere else. Also pray for baby. I feel like Satan has been trying to scare me that something is wrong with the baby. Just because I haven't loved the pregnancy and I think if something were to happen God would tell me...."be thankful in every situation".  I just shouldn't take for granted a pregnancy. That is all... hoping for a nice, relaxing weekend.

a little help

We ended up having a really nice time at the pumpkin patch on Saturday. I really thought I had missed my chance bringing the kids there and felt even worse when I wasn't able to go with Kate and her class. But, it was finally something to look forward to, and even better, we got to spend the day with some friends from church. 

a picture of me and peter out in the corn maze. Below are some other favorites from the day. The rest I am saving for another time... once I can get caught up on editing.

Yesterday as I talked to a friend from church and as she prayed over me I felt hope again, finally, that I can overcome these pregnancy blues i'm in. It's not something that I can do alone, but with the prayers of others and myself asking to change my heart and attitude, it might be something that I can totally get out of. I think also, just being in Gods word and totally surrounding myself with scripture and bible studies (hoping i can keep up with them!) will also benefit me. I realized I am overwhelmed with material, as I just started a new book, "Not a Fan" and now starting a new series in our church bible study "Lies Young Woman Believe", the Beth Moore series, and the triad readings we do each week. I am really hoping I can find someone to come and clean once a week or twice a month (reasonably priced) to take some of that burden off me so I can focus more on my kids and my bible studies. If you know of anyone... let me know! also just being able to be recharged once in a while with time by myself or help with cleaning or a break from making supper totally helps. Yesterday Kelsey my sister came over and spent time with the kids and I napped while Peter was grilling supper. I can't even thank them enough.

craft time

love.

done

The night before beets ended I spent 45 minutes on the kitchen  before bed. From 9pm-9:45 I scrubbed dishes, loaded dishes, cleaned counter-tops, cleared the kitchen table, swept floors, and straightened up.  When it was finished, it felt so good to see a clean kitchen. It really gave me hope. I had also been working on the mountains of clothes that had accumulated  -most are still not put away and now i have two big basket fulls again that piled up.  Peter came home at 6pm yesterday and he offered to help make supper. I cannot even tell you how much that brought my spirits up. I began to hug him and make sure he knew how helpful it was and how much he can contribute to helping me feel better in my 'situation'. Yesterday I was really planning to go on the elliptical for only 15 minutes, but I made the mistake of sitting down and then eventually taking a mere 1.5 hour nap. I was still groggy when the kids got up and I really didn't snap out of it until 6:30. at 9, I was practically falling asleep again while reading the book "Not A Fan".   So far, so good. I only got to 30 pages but so far it had a lot of really good examples that if I were in a conversation with someone who was seeking God, i'd be able to tell them the difference between someone that is just a 'fan' of god, and not a follower. 

We went to bed around 10 and I fell asleep fairly quickly which doesn't happen very much. I slept through the night except the time Maddy woke up at 5.  At least it was only once this night. Over the last week (teething I think) she's been getting up once or twice a night crying. This happened when she got her other molar, and eventually after more than a week and a half, I had to just let her cry a night because she just wanted to snuggle for a little while. It sure felt good though, even if i was tired.

This morning I slept til 8 which felt so nice. I tried to clean the kitchen a little bit while making oatmeal for me and the girls when I found something very disgusting. A good thing, though. I had asked my mother in law how to get rid of fruit flies, and she said put some dish soap in a bowl with water and some vinegar.  So, i had put a few different bowls up around the kitchen and yes, it would catch maybe 5-10 in each bowl. Well, I put one up on the shelf where I hang my pots and pans, and I checked it this morning.... there must have been 30 or so in there! Disgusting. But, now there are 30 less flying around. Yup, it is really embarrassing for me to admit that we had that many fruit flies in the house, but its true. The kitchen was not kept up and it got really bad. There are still a lot in the kitchen but I am working on catching them. My main problem is , once I get the kitchen cleaned up, then I want to bake. Like yesterday, it was spotless and then i wanted to make banana and blueberry bread.  Well, no! I stopped myself because that's how i get behind. We don't need it right now. So, unfortunately instead, last night peter wanted to make pudding, but we didn't have any, so what do I make. Cupcakes with chocolate frosting. Ok, they were excellent, but now there's a mess i've got to deal with. :) It will get done. Mind over matter.   I suppose I better go now.. It felt nice to share what's been going on the past couple days.  Beets. Are. Done, and it feels really good.  I am praying they can finish quickly what they need to before next weekend so I can go to a quilting retreat. Its the only time I think I'd finally finish kate's quilt... mainly b/c i would be forced to work on it and not have any interruptions! Plus, it would be nice to interact with adults.   More later!

song of the week

First of all I'd like to share the song that's been on my heart this week. I think it is crucial for me to explain why this song is important to me. Through these last 8-9 weeks, I have been discouraged by the pregnancy and just being sick all the time with morning sickness along with sickness in our family for a few weeks and just not being able to be my true self. My mood is off, I am more emotional, more tired, -just not myself. So, I was feeling sorry for myself. I remember one specific time coming home from bible study and crying to Peter how I felt and he said "God made you strong to get through things like this by yourself so you can continue to serve others." And it's true. No matter what season I am in, I'm still called to serve. All I needed was some encouragement and I opened my eyes and found ways to serve. And how? The power of the holy spirit.

I have been praying lately that I would just somehow get out of this funk I'm in and like the song, be awakened. I just am tired of focusing on myself. Here are some of the lyrics. Just really all so true what I'm going through:

In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

[Verse 2:]
Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

[Chorus:]
For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

[Verse 3:]
In Your presence
In Your power
Awakening

oh boy. So powerful. So, then at church my pastor's sermon was about the holy spirit and basically just being awakened. He talked about Zacchaeus the tax collector, and how he was a pretty mean and greedy man, with a love for money in his heart.  It took the holy spirit to awaken his soul to change his ways.  I don't really know what God is up to, but I'm liking it. Even though it is truly truly hard for me to mourn over kids that really are suffering and DYING because of starvation... if it takes that to open my eyes -- I mean, it's a reality. I can choose to accept that it's really happening or I can turn my head and move on with life. That's a choice that a lot of people have to make each day. But if we choose to let it affect us, maybe the outcome will change? I let myself fall to the ground, sobbing to God on my knees asking him WHY... help these poor kids!! please. It is completely humbling and I don't do it often, sadly, to get on my knees in desperation. In complete surrender. I am willing to give my last cent so that one child can eat instead of waiting every 48 hours like these kids! It wasn't her day to eat. Can you even imagine? Oh my word, I can't. I really can't.  Use me Lord.   

shabby chic

It has been so fun to see my shabby chic party all over pinterest (in fact I get a ton of traffic from pinterest on my blog) and then now to see it on other wedding sites is so much fun.  More later.

tea for 1

so anyway, this is what my facebook has looked like for 2 weeks now. They keep saying it is going to go "live" soon and it never does. That kind of stinks. Only those who have added this 'timeline' application can see other profiles who have done this... I really like it because then it doesn't show all the places I've visited and commented on. I really dislike when people go to my profile to snoop.

Morning sickness again tonight.  But that's okay. I got to visit Peter in the field and brought him some supper. I made buns last minute and i've already had 2 just now.  I'm hungry.  I also have lots of dishes to do and Sunday school material to go over and beth moore bible study and bible readings and cards to make (singing in a wedding tomorrow) and clothes in the wash.. yikes! I am being quite lazy and wasting time on the computer. No wonder I am behind! I have no one to blame but myself. I just don't have energy.  Otherwise today went well. The girls are beginning to claw each other which, I am a bit worried about. They've got scratch marks on a few places and I just wonder where they got this lashing out at each other. I think it is mostly Maddy. She seems to be a lot like me. One example is her love for breads/grains (heart).

 oh yes, and it is friday night and i am going to be doing dishes. That is actually okay. I've got to get them done and it is best to do them when the kids are asleep.  Peter informed me if things go smoothly, we have roughly 5  (FIVE FIVE FIVE FIVE!!!!!!!!) days left of beets. I'm not excited.

My 'pregnancy' tea is whistling so I guess I'll go and enjoy that! Wish me luck on my songs tomorrow. 

PS, do you love, like me, when your all the dishes in your dishwasher comes out dirty because the little soap dispenser door didn't open?  and you really needed those dishes to be clean?  me too!

Proverbs 17:22

oh dear, i am incredibly tired.  I am also sad to say that the last two evenings my morning sickness has returned. I really thought I was over it. So, I'm not sure what's happening, i felt so good the last week and now all of a sudden it's back. Thankful though, it's only at night. Today happened to be my first pre-natal appointment. I can't help but think it's a boy. Even if i'm wrong, I will have so much fun with another precious girl. This time around I can make newborn headbands and other girly things. I am really excited to capture all the fun newborn pictures that I never took with my other two girls (different camera).

This time around, I went into the office with fear. Fear that something was wrong with the baby. I was just waiting for my doctor to tell me some bad news.. (not that he could even find anything this soon).. but as he searched for the heartbeat, amazingly he broke out into a huge smile, as if my baby's heart beat were the only one he's heard in weeks. This is coming from one of the busiest doctors at the hospital. He then said, 'where's your phone, let's record this for daddy'. I couldn't figure out how to record so I ended up calling him and he got to hear the heartbeat.  Not that this means anything at all, but out of all the times I heard the heartbeat, I have not cried once.... but this time.  I think it was mostly just feeling guilty of complaining to God how awful I feel, how I hate gaining pregnancy weight, how I hate being pregnant all together. And then I hear the heartbeat. It was really like a slap in the face.  I just began to see how purely beautiful it is to have a living child being knit in my womb! It was really a wake-up call.  These days I am really just praying that God can change my heart to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy. I've also been trying to memorize more scripture-- the one i'm working on this week is Proverbs 17:22: A cheerful heart is good medicine, a crushed spirit dries up the bones.  So true.

better day?

 I was just going through some of my blog posts very quickly and saw this one.
I can't believe at 3 she could do this!   That was part of our "school" trial we did last year. We slept well last night, thankfully. Maddy got up at 7, which isn't too early but we went to bed late because it was finally movie night! I am really praying that we can get through the next couple of weeks. It's going to be awfully lonely for me and the kids and now that Maddy has (or we think she has) HFM (Hand foot and mouth) i'm praying Kate doesn't get it so she can continue to go to school. We can't bring them to church tomorrow, although Peter said he's willing to stay home so that I can go. So far no one else has symptoms. Also, yesterday was huge... I cleaned the kitchen! I mopped the floors and did all of the dishes. It looks finally normal. We're trying to figure out what we can do with the cabinets because we just don't want to redo the whole kitchen, but we want to make smart changes so that we can enjoy it and make use of the space. So, we need to be praying more about that. Yesterday was really a long day all-around.. i'm praying for a better day today.

Gratitude

I'm really having a tough mid-morning/afternoon, so instead of thinking about that, I want to think of all the things I'm thankful for. I know it is Satan attacking me because I just got back from a good bible study.  What a jerk.

#1. Even if we have all been sick for weeks, and possibly a new sickness arriving, they are healthy. They are not malnourished and they are clean. So, thank you God that we have our health. (Take that Satan!)

#2. I am thankful for a bountiful crop. Im truly thankful. We went into this year with rain and crummy attitudes, and in the end, God always provides what we need. I'm thankful that God is convicting us each year to give more and more, to use HIS money, not ours. Pr.19:17 He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done. (NIV) 

 ^{Malachi 3:10: 10} Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.

#3. I am thankful I have opportunities to worship. To be in bible studies. To pray out loud with other Christians. I am really thankful I am in my small group Triad. It has been a huge blessing. I am thankful I am forming close friendships with people who have the SAME convictions as I do! It is a pure joy, a pure joy to have friends who are in the same spiritual steps as I am.

#4. I am thankful that Satan's got nothing on God. I feel much better now. I should do this every time!

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

greasy food

Yes, it sure is my bedtime, and I specifically got out of bed to frantically realize there are no egg rolls that i was craving.. so pizza rolls it is. They are not as good in the microwave, but i've always enjoyed soggy food.  I am hoping this little late night snack won't be a habit-- I've been really trying to eat healthy snacks: apple or two a day, bananas, grapes, oranges, you name it! I am choosing fruits instead of breads and grains but really, sometimes I am just sick of it and want some real food! Unfortunately also, sometimes it happens at night.

Today I felt pretty good. I got the living room and the dining room cleaned (before it got messy again) and I worked on the kitchen for quite a while and then Peter kindly finished after supper and did the rest of the dishes! He even made me tea. I really haven't been the kindest to him... I have been selfish and wanting HIM to take care of ME, not the other way around. (He has been sick) I haven't been feeling the best either so it wasn't easy to take on the kids, house, AND cater to him. But we got through it, as we do everything. I have taken naps almost every day the last couple weeks. I can't even keep my lids open. I always think in each pregnancy... "am i lazy? is it going to be like this forever?" Having no energy stinks. I'm used to having lots of it because I have kept active. Today though, I didn't need a nap, and it felt nice. I hate waking up so groggy. Instead, I made fall sugar cookies and when Kate got home from school, we cut them out and baked them. So, I ended up having a couple small leaves and probably the same amount in cookie dough. Oops! It was fun to see her roll them out, too.  I am probably going to make edible play dough soon for them to roll out and play with. 

Tomorrow morning I will have my small group bible study and then hopefully nap time for the girls, and family time after. I am getting spoiled with Peter being home more often... i'm just not used to it. And in a couple short days, it will be back to him being gone all the time. I am hoping we can stay busy and figure out fun things to do. Also, next Thursday is my first appointment. I am really looking forward to that.  I have to sing in another wedding on Saturday so I am really not looking forward to that, but I am praying and trusting that it will bring glory to God. That's really the only reason I sing anymore.   More later

the simple things

as we were walking in the woods,

grandpa got a hold of maddy. I began

snapping photos of her and while she giggled,

she reached out her hand for me. 

This photo just warms my heart!

how i've been feeling

right now i am listening to all three of us girls hack and cough. it is not pretty. They had gotten bad colds just 3 weeks ago and now i fear this is a new cold, possibly from the wedding. This week has been full of ups and downs concerning health. It seemed like the day Kate went to school I felt the best, but still not 100%. I think almost every day I had to lie down b/c of a bad headache or just unbelievable tiredness, or just feeling tough. Yesterday i felt my iron was low so i began seeing black spots for a while, which was a sign of low iron in previous pregnancies. Because I'm coughing so much, i can't ever get to sleep at a decent time so that's probably why i've been extra tired. Right now as the kids are watching their morning program, I just want to desperately crawl back into bed and finish sleeping. I have got a splitting headache and my lungs are burning!  Today, or last night, was also the start of beets. Yesterday I got to thinking about the next few weeks, and how hopefully beets might be done by then, I might be feeling better (and have had my first appointment) date nights would be back in order,it'd probably be cold enough for fires outside and/or in our living room, more hot chocolate, trips in hotels for farming meetings (and a possible get-away), and less days that peter would work on the farm!  It's always a love /hate relationship this time of year.... October is probably the most hated month for me but when it's over, its the loveliest!