oh dear, i am incredibly tired. I am also sad to say that the last two evenings my morning sickness has returned. I really thought I was over it. So, I'm not sure what's happening, i felt so good the last week and now all of a sudden it's back. Thankful though, it's only at night. Today happened to be my first pre-natal appointment. I can't help but think it's a boy. Even if i'm wrong, I will have so much fun with another precious girl. This time around I can make newborn headbands and other girly things. I am really excited to capture all the fun newborn pictures that I never took with my other two girls (different camera).
This time around, I went into the office with fear. Fear that something was wrong with the baby. I was just waiting for my doctor to tell me some bad news.. (not that he could even find anything this soon).. but as he searched for the heartbeat, amazingly he broke out into a huge smile, as if my baby's heart beat were the only one he's heard in weeks. This is coming from one of the busiest doctors at the hospital. He then said, 'where's your phone, let's record this for daddy'. I couldn't figure out how to record so I ended up calling him and he got to hear the heartbeat. Not that this means anything at all, but out of all the times I heard the heartbeat, I have not cried once.... but this time. I think it was mostly just feeling guilty of complaining to God how awful I feel, how I hate gaining pregnancy weight, how I hate being pregnant all together. And then I hear the heartbeat. It was really like a slap in the face. I just began to see how purely beautiful it is to have a living child being knit in my womb! It was really a wake-up call. These days I am really just praying that God can change my heart to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy. I've also been trying to memorize more scripture-- the one i'm working on this week is Proverbs 17:22: A cheerful heart is good medicine, a crushed spirit dries up the bones. So true.