the busyness...

I can't believe it's already December 19th.  Where does the time go?  It sure does fly when one is busy.  So often I try to stop and just enjoy and be more aware of what's going on....but it's so hard. There's school to teach, babies to rock and feed and dress; meals to make, laundry to wash. How do you stop and enjoy?  Recently I have been going through flylady again to help simplify and get small amounts of cleaning done each day. Extra cleaning other than the daily grind.  I have been trying really hard to get a load of laundry done a day. That truly helps.

 The past couple weeks we got to watch Kate and Maddy in their ballet recital.  That was so much fun. They were really excited too.  It was fun for them to go, but I am really happy to not have one more thing to do. I am still deciding if I will let them join in the spring, too.   We probably will but we'll just see what happens.

Tonight I am hosting some ladies over for supper and appetizers. Of course the weirdo in me wants to re-arrange the whole house, make it perfectly organized and in order.  I realize that will not happen. Today I read about dying to self and not loving the world.  I was going work out this morning; I got up at 6 to do so. But the last 5 minutes of my pump, Ella woke up. So, I cuddled with her instead. I felt like God wants me to not care about what people think of the messy house. So today, I will do what I can, but I am also going to read Christmas stories to the kids, do a baby Jesus craft, and sing Christmas songs with them.  I'll do some crafts and school too. What I can get done, I'll get done, and it will be fine.  No one will care.  My goal is not to impress people, but to welcome my home as a way of fellowship and to spend time with friends, which I dont get to do very often.  I am really looking forward to it! 

photos of the month

 Yes... I've been quite absent lately on the blog department.  It's been really busy here. But I am sure all you moms know what I am talking about! I have been really enjoying caring for my three kids. It has been such a blessing !   The last few weeks have been really busy with holidays and gatherings. We finally got Ella dedicated.  I will share more about this later (hopefully) but her verse has been chosen!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

 Rejoice always,  pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

some day over the rainbow

Ah. I am exhausted! I put all the girls to bed early tonight. I should go to bed earlier tonight, too. All I want is about three more hours to myself. :)   I would love time to just sit on the couch and watch t.v.; something I don't do often. I'd love to upload and edit photos; something I haven't done in a while either.  I would love to (err... wouldn't love but should) clean up the kitchen, fold some clothes, etc etc.  I would love to read part of my book I've been reading lately; I would love to do my bible study... and I'd love some extra sleep.  However.   It's 9pm.  And normally I pump at 9:30 and go to bed after that.  I'm not sure I have enough time to do all the things I'd love to do!  But maybe someday.:)

super day

I feel good.  Today seemed very long.  I got to sleep in a bit, in fact, we all did. Even Ella. She got up at 7:45 and then we both fell asleep on the couch. The kids got up at 8:30 and then I put Ella back to bed! We colored a bit; I made coffee. Our day began.

Peter worked from 8:30 a.m. to 3:45 a.m. That is a long day. They shut down beets because of the cold and won't be going again until Monday. I guess I am not really caring right now! I know everything will work out. I just have peace about it.  Most of the day, the girls played well by themselves. I tried to suggest things to do and do crafts with them, but they weren't really too interested. They just wanted to play dolls :)  I suppose they are getting sick of me!  In a way, it makes me feel guilty that they wanted to play all day together. They didn't even really fight too much. In fact, they were more loud and giggly than anything.  By supper time though, Maddy began to act more like Ella's age (literally) and started to cry about everything. This is a result in zero naps in about a week or two. I really can't remember the last time she napped. I got to cuddle her at least. My little Maddy.

After the kids were tucked in, I went upstairs to work out.  Yes.   I had the motivation!  I went on the elliptical for 25 minutes and then decided to clean up some of the upstairs while I was up there.  This felt great! Oh the things I could do while alone!!!!!!  I hadn't felt like this in a long time!  I was so worked up that I decided that I was just going to stay up until midnight and pump and then sleep through the night. Usually when I am very active at night, it takes me a really long time to fall asleep. So this was perfect. I cleaned out all the storage bins (went through most of them and sorted clothes, threw lots of boxes away, old sheets, etc) and realized I have a whole bin of 6-12 month clothing I didn't even know about!  Jack pot.

I prayed with Peter and he went to bed and I washed some bottles/pump parts, packed diaper bag and backpacks for church, snacks, etc. and now I am pumping again.  I haven't been taking my fenugreek for a few days and don't notice any decrease. It hadn't really been working anyway so I hope that if I do decide to take them again, they will work more effectively.  Time for bed now.... my time is up

awhile back.....

I took these pictures two weeks ago and haven't been able to post them until now. It was a pretty quick shoot in hopes of getting a family photo for their christmas card. After we finished, we ate supper together. :) My kind of photoshoot!

weekend in minneapolis

This weekend we went to Minneapolis and had lots of fun.  But we are all so. very. tired. still!!  The kids have been sleeping in; I would love to sleep in. I wonder how long we would all sleep in if there were no interruptions?  It has still been a busy week. Tuesday I was supposed to have Ella's 6 month appointment but I got to reschedule for next Tuesday. We had dance class that night and luckily it rained so that Ella could stay with Peter.  :)   I know, most farmers are complaining about the rain but I don't mind it. I trust God completely and if we need rain, He will give it to us.

I have been trying like crazy to catch up on homeschooling. It is always fun to go on trips but hard to come back to loads of laundry and trying to pick up after all the things from the car get brought in and shuffled through the house.  Luckily before we left I really had done a good job cleaning the house and doing laundry. I still did about 4-5 loads though when I got home. How is that possible from a 4 day trip?!   Peter asked me what I was thankful for yesterday as we were about to fall asleep.  I told him I was thankful for mine and Kate's leaf craft we did because it was fun and also for doing our reading lesson. It has been fun to watch her "get it" when it comes to reading.  Yesterday she read about 5 or 6 words on her own! We are truly learning things like days of the week and all but three months of the twelve.  Even maddy knows most of them.  This is great!

joy

I don't always write in my thankful journal. But I do think. And I do thank. Today was one of those days where I closed my eyes and thanked even when there was no pen in sight. I thanked for going to bible study this morning when it would have been easier to stay home. I thanked as I drove my girls to ballet and watched their lips move in sync to the music. I thanked as I rocked our littlest one, Ella, to sleep. That's when it dawned on me. There's not much time left of this. Regardless of not being able to nurse her, I get to feed her a bottle of milk that is produced and labored especially for her. And I get to rock her. I get to watch her sweet little eyelashes flutter and slowly close. I get to grasp her tiny little hand. And tears came... and though they did not fall, I thanked.  I tried to remember what it felt like to rock my other girls. Such times I treasured; now gone. And tears came again. But I smiled because they are so precious and it is my goal to be joyful and thankful each day. What blessings that brings to my heart so full.

random facts

I haven't blogged in a while, so here are some random things that have been going on for us:

we are half done with beets

i have a clean kitchen (after 3 days of working on it!)

started reading 'unglued' by Lysa TerKeurst

homeschooling is still going good

today is Tuesday which means a very busy day with B. Study and Dance at night

 Still waking up in the middle of the night to pump

praying we don't get sick!

with beets and other activities, there is not much time for anything

Ella is almost 6 months old!
starting to Christmas shop, yep!

it is so much fun to teach Kate 

they've just learned the days of the week and over half of the months of the year

trying to treasure every minute with the girls

it's beautiful out today

finally made a trip to the dry cleaners 

going to organize one cupboard a day this week in the kitchen

wanting some pumpkin spice coffee

tonight I am going to sit and relax!

 started this post at my first pump of the day, and finally finishing at my 4th pump :)

xoxoxo

an off day

well it's happened.  I've had that really bad first homeschooling experience. It's been a bad day all around. I really tried to get out of it... but I guess when things start going bad, I start becoming bitter and not wanting to pray through it.  Ella wouldn't give me a break, our water got shut off for part of the day, the girls were wild and tired and I just couldn't keep up. I couldn't get supper to peter so he won't eat until 2am tonight.  I yelled, I got mad, I cried,  I pleaded.  Really, a day I hope to forget.


His mercies are new every morning.
Lamentations 3:23

dance

Today.   Full of joy.   Busy, but full of joy.  This morning I went to bible study with the kids- at first I was skeptical about it, but it's a chance for them to be social and my eyes seem more open for chances to involve them with other kids.  I suppose it's a win-win. :)   We got home, made lunch, put Ella to bed, and started homeschooling.  I let Maddy stay up in hopes that she would behave. After a couple of threats of sending her to nap, she calmed down and even listened in. I have been working on putting summer clothes away and there was a huge mess in their room with clothes neatly folded, but all over the floor and in baskets. I knew it should get cleaned up soon or I would regret it later! I worked on that for a good 20 minutes and before we knew it, we were rushing out the door to dance class. It never fails, we were running late again.  After finally getting to the school and parking on the total opposite side, we were in the room and I watched in excitement and clicked away on my camera, fighting Ella who was very curious. I'm so very excited for them in the upcoming months....what a great experience and opportunity for them!

library

We have been finding good use of the library.  I am sad that our town really doesn't have any resources for really anything..... there's hardly any stay at home moms, zero bible studies, no library,  etc.  It would be nice to live in a community that has a lot to offer.  At least our town has a pool!

My goal is to go to the library once a week. I am hoping that will be easy since we will be in Warren on Tuesdays anyway for bible study in the morning, and then dance in the afternoon. I am going to keep requesting books anyway so even if we don't have time to spend at the library, I can always drop off and get new books.  It has been a wonderful thing for us as we start our homeschooling experience. I am set to receive my curriculum  tomorrow, which I feel really really good about.  It is so fun to know how God has orchestrated every detail, down to what books will be best for Kate. I was a little panicky at first when I realized what we chose might be the wrong stuff for her age level, but I've also heard it's very advanced, so by adding all of the kindergarten level books to her curriculum, it will be just fine.  Plus I was reminded that it is probably what God had intended for her learning style. Plus, now i can use it next year for Maddy and just add some preschool things for her.

This morning I silently thanked God as I went to get Ella out of her crib. It was 7:15 and I was so tired from having a cold and being so busy that I slept in this morning. The kids are wiped out, too. I brought Ella into our bed and fed her her bottle. I had a headache pretty much all night so i put the heating pad on my pillow and that helped it feel better. After she finished, she had her fingers in her mouth, smiling and cooing, and held onto my heart necklace and she snuggled close to me. She was so content, and I just cherished every minute of it. Another reason why we homeschool. More, special time with our kids. Yesterday as we all sat on the couch...we learned about animals and what they use their tales for;  that God provided those hungry with manna from heaven; new words from our literature, what's living and not living, and most of all, the joy of our family.

encouraged

It always amazes me how fast time slips by.  I thought Kate was growing up, but when I look at Maddy.... she is now a little girl.  How did that happen?  I am so glad I am home to enjoy them.

Today has been a really good day. We are slowly tweaking our routine to see what works and what does not. Yesterday was a day that did not work.  Today, however, was a really good day and it left me so encouraged. I am getting my curriculum on Friday and we are having fun with the library books we got yesterday. We are all sick with a cold so that has been a drag the past couple of days but hopefully it doesn't get any worse than it is now! I am running out of energy and I am very tired. I thought about skipping my pump tonight ....but I just don't know if I could do it. I really don't think it would do anything if it was just one time...but I am just not ready :)  Silly me. I am sure I will look back on this and think I was crazy for all the pumping I did when I could have rested.  Praying for another good day tomorrow!

a calling

Yes.  We started homeschooling.   Why?  People ask that when I tell them.  One said "Interesting".  One person even said, "How do you make time to home school?"   Easy.   Homeschooling is THE priority.  And if you have time to spend with your kids, you have time to home school!

I can think of many reasons why we want to home school, but for now I'll list the main reasons.  Kindergarten.  It's too long.  Five days a week, and every day, all day Kindergarten.  The day before she started I was desperately looking into finding a three day kindergarten for her.  I did find one, but it was also 30 minutes away.  I couldn't commit to two whole hours in the car, especially with a small baby and winters in Minnesota. So, we gave it enough time to make a decision, which happened to be just three or four days.  It helped that Kate (along with probably every kindergartener) was overstimulated and cried about why she had to go every day.

The second reason, which should  be the first reason, was a calling from God. I had been called two years ago only to give in to Satan's lies of inadequacy.   I've learned that every mom has those same thoughts and was encouraged that my love for Kate would drive me to provide the best education for her. Even if it meant stretching me.  How can  you ignore such a calling?

After much, much prayer,( like every hour of the day ) we felt at peace with scripture that jumped out at us, or things we saw/heard.  This is what popped up the Friday we took her out of school:

"Opportunities are always lost when we let fear overrule our faith. When God calls you to a task beyond your abilities, instead of giving in to your feelings, choose to rely on what you know about Him and His promises. By moving forward in faith despite your inadequacy, you will discover the Lord's faithfulness. He always empowers us for the works He assigns."

- Encouraging words this morning from Dr. Charles Stanley

Coincidence?  No. Some people just won't understand. Some will have their opinions. Yet I am trusting in God this season to sustain me and bring me through it.  The teaching part is fun.  I get to read and teach my kids.  What better joy is there than that? What better joy to be able to teach the girls about life and how to live it here at home?  Today they learned about trusting God.  But it also means working long hours on everything else and literally running around the house at times to get things done a little faster! :)  I think honestly one reason why I was unable to breastfeed was that when I'm pumping, at least I get to sit!

And the third reason explains it well in this link under the "1. When & why did you initially decide to home school?" section under all the photos; the very first paragraph.

Though I've only had a week at it, it will take some time to get a good routine down. Obviously the perfect situation is to do it during Ella and Maddy's nap time... but that doesn't always work. I have to work around hours of pumping and feeding, preparing meals, tantrums, tiredness, harvest and giggling and wild girls. I don't know where God will bring us with this.  Maybe it's just kindergarten. Maybe it's first and second grade, too.  I just know that we are taking it one year at a time.

 it is the best thing for our family right now.

Joy

I find myself not having anything in particular to write, yet so much has happened.  Maybe a week in photos will help explain... trying to find joy in the littlest things. And when I make an effort?  Beyond blessed.

the hill

The hill..... well.   I like and hate the hill.   It is a place near our home that has been full of memories. Memories I'd like to relive and are memories of some of the sweetest times. It will forever be in my heart because we went to the "hill" the day of finding out Ella was losing weight from nursing.  It was one of the worst days of my life, but one of the sweetest as well. It was a day that we as a family had fun, and I wanted to spend extra time with the oldest because I was spending so much time trying to get Ella to nurse the last couple of weeks.  We had fun on that hill.

When I heard Kate wanted to go to the hill again today.... I smiled with a Yes.  A bit sad I will have to admit.. The hill was a point in time where things changed for us that day early in summer.  It changed a lot. And a lot of sadness came after that day.  I knew going to the hill today would be another point in time that things would change once again. It was going to be hard without kate.

But instead of crying through this blog post, I want to remember the fun times we had up until school.  I want to start writing for them so they can see what fun we had. What i'm feeling. How much I love them and care for them.

Today we (writing this late at night) went to the park... I pumped early so that we could do some fun things.  We went for a walk, went to another park... made homemade pizza for lunch so the kids could decorate their pizza.  Their pizza actually turned out really well, better than mine.  They helped me fold a little clothes..I pumped again and then we went outside to the hill. We spent a good amount of time out there...even Ella was happy.  We ate our snack, sang songs, etc.   After supper, we took baths, and then had a fire. We roasted marshmallows for smores, played cards, and packed our backpacks.  So many memories in our weekly fire and marshmallow roasting.    And then off to bed. I cried a little as I prayed - but not too much.  I think God took over then.   I will write more later as to how the day went.... but I think Kate knows just how very loved she is and how much we will all miss her.   Good night, sweet love. You will always be my baby girl.