joy

I don't always write in my thankful journal. But I do think. And I do thank. Today was one of those days where I closed my eyes and thanked even when there was no pen in sight. I thanked for going to bible study this morning when it would have been easier to stay home. I thanked as I drove my girls to ballet and watched their lips move in sync to the music. I thanked as I rocked our littlest one, Ella, to sleep. That's when it dawned on me. There's not much time left of this. Regardless of not being able to nurse her, I get to feed her a bottle of milk that is produced and labored especially for her. And I get to rock her. I get to watch her sweet little eyelashes flutter and slowly close. I get to grasp her tiny little hand. And tears came... and though they did not fall, I thanked.  I tried to remember what it felt like to rock my other girls. Such times I treasured; now gone. And tears came again. But I smiled because they are so precious and it is my goal to be joyful and thankful each day. What blessings that brings to my heart so full.