Monday, July 25, 2011

prayers

I had started a post about this past weekend and how fun and busy it was.... with pictures and lots of fun things. But, right now I just feel down. I feel like I let God down. Haiti has always been heavy on my heart, and t hey are so overwhelmed right now at the rescue center. I felt like God was telling me to fast today, and I convinced myself last night that I would do so. Today I woke up in a bad mood, probably not enough sleep, and I decided that I wasn't going to fast, but I would still try to pray. If you've never fasted before, really the point of fasting is that whenever you feel hunger pains, you are then prompted to pray for a specific thing. So, I told God that I would still like Him to prompt me to pray. And He did. I was hungry most of the day, but I had no words to pray. I had no idea what to pray for. I prayed, for sure, but then I would get distracted and I had no idea what I was to pray for. I know the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, but I still felt helpless.. like I wasn't helping at all. I had visited a friend today in Grand Forks and so my mind was occupied with her and the baby, then groceries, and then rushing to get home by 5. I tried really hard to pray, but my mind was blank. I just kept saying the same things over and over. 

So tonight I logged onto facebook and saw some updates on some of the kids at the rescue center. There are 5 critical kids ,-- many new kids that are very ill and malnourished. Thalie is not doing well today. Here is an update I just saw about 20 minutes ago: 

Thalie is bleeding out quite a bit- trying to ease her pain and seizures as best as we can. Her mom is here visiting. Watching a mother realize her kid most likely won't make it is probably my least favorite thing ever...

So, I guess I am sad. I wish I had known what to pray for, what specific things. I wish so, so, badly, that I could be used. That my prayers can be heard. That my prayers really do matter. That these poor, innocent kids would not suffer. I struggled with this last week a little bit and God encouraged me with two songs: My Savior My God,  & There Will Be a Day . Two very popular, well-known songs, and I've heard them a million times before, but they gave comfort to me that day. The first song really spoke to me with the very first sentence:  I am not skilled to understand {what God has willed what God has planned}.  My Savior Lives My Savior Loves... He loves us.. no matter what. And I have to trust that, even with all the pain I am seeing. I think it is easy for us to change the 'channel' of life to a happier channel. Moving our head in a direction that is easier to look at.  I choose to look at what is happening around the world, asking God to open my eyes, to use me in prayer, financial support, etc. I hope you will consider doing so too.  These poor kids need our prayers!

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