Well, it's Friday. I only have a weekend left with Kate, and I know it will go fast. And kindergarten will go fast. And before we know it.... it will be summer again. I can't say that I am ready for Tuesday....but I am getting there. I am depending on strength from God to get through it, to move ahead instead of remember regrets and things I didn't do, etc. The fact is, no matter how much I do with the girls.... it is never good enough. Satan keeps guilting me into thinking that I didn't do a great enough job, that I didn't spend enough time with them, and reminding me of other useless things. That's what he was trying to do yesterday until I was reminded that he was trying to steal my joy. I had a week left with Kate before she went to school and for part of it I had spent time crying and sulking over the past and how my time pumping and with Ella took away from spending this summer with the other two. I won't let him steal my joy this week!
I am doing the best I can with housework. So far it's working out.. but I am getting tired. I have been trying to do the kitchen after pumping at 9:00-9:30. I have a half hour to clean up before I pump again around 10:15. However, the night before, Ella woke up between my pumps and I never really got much sleep after that, so I tried to pump at 9:45last night and went to bed at 10:30. I didn't fall asleep right away of course, but at least I got to bed earlier. I felt it was easier to get up this morning. Then a little after 7, I went to get Ella and brought her back into bed to nurse. She still doesn't do very well but she does better in the morning because I am full. Unfortunately "full" means 4 ounces. That's what I always had with Kate & Maddy. So frustrating. My prayer is that I can do that consistently in the morning and that she would do well, just that one time a day. If that's the best I can get.... then i'll take it! I don't forget to thank God for those times.
The girls haven't been taking naps this week. I didn't even try. Tuesday I think I had them because they have been going to bed so late and being naughty... but I figure it's only a week until Kate goes so Maddy can enjoy her too. Plus, then it's more time I can be with them. It's a totally different perspective these days how I view my day. Before I thought, "ok, these are the things i have to do today" and now I think: "what really fun things could we do today?" I love it. and of course I try to make time to do things like laundry and clean up after meals.. and I also incorporate them into the housework. Kate has been unloading the dishwasher, setting the table, and they've had to clean up their toys - we all do it together, which means more time with each other. And really, Maddy will be taking naps in the afternoons.... so it's only the morning technically that Maddy and I don't have Kate. So, it really won't be that bad. I do wish, though, that Kindergarten were only half days or 3 days a week or something. Anyway, enough talk about that... I have been doing my 365 days of photos again. Here is one from yesterday:: we were walking over the bridge and I happened to look at Maddy and immediately looked down to her stubby little knees. It made me smile... so i decided to take a picture.