Monday, April 9, 2012

almost there

Today my body has been very tired.  I always feel so bad  - this morning I woke up in a good mood and thought maybe I could play play play and be productive as well, but only a little bit of both happened. By 10:30 I put on a half hour of Max & Ruby and 15 more minutes of the kids sort of playing by themselves, I decided to get up and make lunch.  I napped during their cartoon.  I could hardly keep my eyes open. Then, the kids did take a nap and i layed on the couch for another 45 minutes before I got up to make oatmeal raisin cookies and do some of my bible studies. I then woke up the kids at 3:20 and allowed them ANOTHER cartoon and nearly fell asleep again. We got up and I set up some things for them to do ; coloring pages, lots of toys from maddy's birthday to keep them entertained. After many interruptions, I finally got supper going at 4:45 and tried to spend time with them. In between all this I cleaned the kitchen from lunch, did some dishes, washed two loads of laundry, etc.  I'm happy that I got to do a little bit of everything but I still feel I could have spent more time with the kids. I honestly feel that I will be less tired once the baby comes but this is most likely hopeful thinking.  Sleep at night is really non-restful, ever, and I'm longing for the day I can get a full nights sleep. It's been months and months, and will be months and months more!!

 Right now I am recovering from eating multiple cookies today and feeling the baby try to squish around what little room it has. I want to be done but at the same time I know it is busy at the farm and not sure I am ready to just be thrown into a new situation. It seemed with daycare it was a nightmare at first but once I got used to the routine with 6 kids it seemed normal.  Everything just took a little longer. But it's not even that particularly that is bothering me.  I am intimidated by the babies health. I am still scared that something could be wrong and I don't want that to overtake my experience.  Anyway, that is something that could be in your prayers if you remember.  I'm tired of being fearful!

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