much better

Last night I thought I was going to be in labor!  It was so fun to think about and when the contractions were still coming even though I was moving around and doing different things, I began to excitedly clean the house and get other things ready.   I was folding clothes when I got my last consistent contraction for the night.  That was such a bummer.  I had been real crabby to the kids though - unbelievably crabby and so when I woke up the next morning I was sort of relieved I didn't have the baby because I got to spend more time with them (but still disappointed).  I hate the way I act these days hence why I am so anxious to deliver.  I sent Kate off to school and Maddy was happy to see me when she woke up. It was so sweet, when I walked into her room she was climbing the stairs of kate's bed to see if kate was there. When she realized Kate was already off to school she had a huge lip and tears in her eyes. She held me really tight and I just loved and needed that.  Even though they fight they are such good friends.

Today while i was outside with the kids for a short time, the sun felt so good on my skin. I made a turkey on the grill and Peter said it was one of the best turkeys he's had. I love watching him eat because food means so much to him. I suppose that is why serving him by making food is one of his love languages. Then I went to a friends baby shower and the girls had lots of fun there. Kate got to see her teachers and some classmates and I got to talk with others too, who were all wondering when I was due. A much better day than yesterday and I am really thankful for that! I even caught maddy singing "Jesus Reigns" from the song "We Exalt Your Name" by Kari Jobe.   Still praying that baby makes his or her appearance before the induction date. Off to bed!

week 39

Today was my appointment day for week 39. It has been a long, long day.  I waited almost 2 hours to get in with my Dr. - the appointment itself took 5 minutes, and so my day turned out to be a day of rushing through stores. The kids didn't nap, though luckily they played well when we got home so that I could unload the dishwasher and put away groceries,make supper etc. I've had contractions all day, though nothing regular. Some were 20 minutes apart, some 30, 15, etc. Now they have dwindled down to about one per hour.  Induction is scheduled for the 29th, which is a Sunday. I am okay with that at this point. It still makes me sad I have over a week left of pregnancy. Every day is really, really hard. I can't even tell you how much my hips and back hurt with each step. I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

a plan

Right now I am eating a graham cracker with all natural chunky peanut butter. I am also drinking some red raspberry tea. I've been so thirsty lately and tea seemed to be good. Our water has been tasting funny lately because when we moved the fridge, the settings reset for the hard water/ soft water. I had peter switch it and it helped a little but not to my liking. That is probably why I feel dehydrated. I hate our water.

It is funny to me the range of emotions I've gone through this past week. Happy, sad, extremely sad, motivated, desperate, really good mood, and now I am ... not so much at peace, but I think getting there. I just finally realized that I am trying to have this baby on my own. I keep thinking, ok, more walking, more 'doing', more chiro appointments, more this and that.  I read an email from a friend who recently had a baby and she gave such wisdom that really struck me. She told me I should try to be relaxed as possible. She said she was at peace the night before, she read scripture, she was OKAY with being induced and to me it seemed like she just surrendered her situation to God. I have been stubborn about situations like this (remember potty training!!) I thought Kate should be potty trained and I was doing everything I could, yet I didn't fully submit to God and just let Him do the work.  So, I am going to try my best to just relax. I'm definitely going to go to my appointments but I know the baby will come when it's ready. And of course I am going to completely keep praying because I know how faithful God can be, and if I was meant to be induced..... well, then i will. Praying for wisdom on that too.  A huge monkey wrench in this, is that my doctor will be gone May 3-13.... so if i went past my due date, i'd have to be induced at the latest May 1st. So then I think, if I am going to be induced anyway, why not end the misery and do it the 26th.  I need wisdom for this and praying that I can just go naturally and not have to choose a date!

Here are some photos of Maddy's birthday party just one week ago. This week sure flew by and I know this week will too, with all the appointments and events going on this week.

a mess

This week I've been a mess. Wednesday was officially a psycho day for me. Tired all day, crying all day, snapping at the kids all day. I can't help but wonder if I'm truly crazy or if this is a reasonable part of the last few weeks of pregnancy. 

Today was my 38 week appointment. I am 37 weeks and 5 days today. 2.5 cm dilated, about 75-80% efaced, -2 head position in the cervix (last week was -3, which means baby has dropped a bit). Bits of my mucous plug have been coming out the last couple weeks......even today with a little blood. That gave me some hope, except when I went online I read that was normal so basically I'm at square one again. I will still keep praying though to go natural. It'd be a dream to not be induced for once.

Today I got a bunch of baby gifts for all the moms who've had babies this last month or two, and some birthday gifts. I even bought myself some nail polish and some earings. It just felt good to get some of that stuff done, even though maddy was with and the whole day was long, but at least she behaved well and wasn't too tired. It seems like we've been going so frequently, I just feel bad that she has to be in the car/stroller/ or cart all day. Sometimes 2x a week! (When we did kitchen stuff)  But thankfully she did well.

I am in the process of packing my bag for the hospital and getting things ready, just in case.  The house has stayed clean because of constant reminders to the kids to pick up their toys before we play with new ones. They haven't learned yet to do it themselves, but they are getting better at doing what I ask. Sometimes I feel guilty, like they are slaves, but, it IS their mess!!   That's all for now... maybe more tomorrow.

almost there

Today my body has been very tired.  I always feel so bad  - this morning I woke up in a good mood and thought maybe I could play play play and be productive as well, but only a little bit of both happened. By 10:30 I put on a half hour of Max & Ruby and 15 more minutes of the kids sort of playing by themselves, I decided to get up and make lunch.  I napped during their cartoon.  I could hardly keep my eyes open. Then, the kids did take a nap and i layed on the couch for another 45 minutes before I got up to make oatmeal raisin cookies and do some of my bible studies. I then woke up the kids at 3:20 and allowed them ANOTHER cartoon and nearly fell asleep again. We got up and I set up some things for them to do ; coloring pages, lots of toys from maddy's birthday to keep them entertained. After many interruptions, I finally got supper going at 4:45 and tried to spend time with them. In between all this I cleaned the kitchen from lunch, did some dishes, washed two loads of laundry, etc.  I'm happy that I got to do a little bit of everything but I still feel I could have spent more time with the kids. I honestly feel that I will be less tired once the baby comes but this is most likely hopeful thinking.  Sleep at night is really non-restful, ever, and I'm longing for the day I can get a full nights sleep. It's been months and months, and will be months and months more!!

 Right now I am recovering from eating multiple cookies today and feeling the baby try to squish around what little room it has. I want to be done but at the same time I know it is busy at the farm and not sure I am ready to just be thrown into a new situation. It seemed with daycare it was a nightmare at first but once I got used to the routine with 6 kids it seemed normal.  Everything just took a little longer. But it's not even that particularly that is bothering me.  I am intimidated by the babies health. I am still scared that something could be wrong and I don't want that to overtake my experience.  Anyway, that is something that could be in your prayers if you remember.  I'm tired of being fearful!

a joyful heart

Yesterday was my 37th week appointment...( though I still have 3 more days until I am officially 37 weeks). I tested positive for Group B Strep.  Nuts.   That's never happened to me before.  I am really tired after two days of non-stop walking.  I also got a haircut which is so refreshing. It seems like I just got one but I think because i am pregnant, sometimes it happens that baby is taking all of my nutrients I normally get. I should be drinking more milk!

Madelyn's 3rd birthday is on Saturday! I am preparing for that.  I might want to make some cupcakes this afternoon and then freeze them until I need them on Saturday. I bet the girls would love to help with that. I am contemplating doing that with them or going outside. I should have asked what they'd rather do, but now they are resting. We are having hamburgers and chips and fresh veggies and fruits.  I still have to make ice cream and probably will make that tonight, and if Peter lets me, either he will make the other one or we will just buy some.  I am not kidding when I say I am exhausted.  I am still tossing and turning during the night and waking up lots to go to the bathroom.  Also, the train has been coming through town in the middle of the night, and boy is it loud!!! We get very frustrated for the extra interruption from sleep.

 I have lists and lists of things to do, yet I am convicted that instead of grumbling over those lists and being upset that the house isn't clean or that the kids aren't to bed/nap on time...   I just need to lighten up and be more joyful. I need to make my kids more of a priority, too!

"A Joyful heart is good medicine, but the broken spirit dries up the bones."  Lord, help me!!!