Wednesday, April 6, 2011

full armor and discernment

It seems like I am always saying this: "Today was a trying day".  It's getting old. I think a fact is that Satan is really trying to get me down. Yesterday I never woke up to read and work out... so I suffered the rest of the day for it. Maddy decided not to take a nap (surprise!) so I didn't get my workout in, or really anything for that matter. Just the day before I had said : Make the best use of your time this week... you've got so much to do!" So when Maddy wouldn't nap yesterday, I became angry that once again, she had messed up my plans. My plans. Ugh, I need to get over myself.

I finally got in a better mood, sorta, and when Peter finally came home Maddy was really getting to me. Crying at my feet as I was trying to make supper. Finally I screamed at him to take her. I got to leave at 7:45 for my .... I don't even know what to call it. Originally it was discipleship training, but now we're not training anymore... it is a 2-group bible study... and looking for our third member. We're praying about who to ask to join or some 'hungry' individual. We meet at the church in Kennedy. Anyway... it went real good last night.

I decided last night that I cannot sleep in. I suffered the day because I could have had an extra 45 minutes (roughly) to get things done and I didn't.  So, today I was going to wake up early.  I was... and I did... but so did Maddy.  Exactly two minutes after I had woken up, she did as well.  At this point, I am extremely bitter. I got her out of the crib, in tears, plopped her on the couch and threw the same phone used to wake me up into the fireplace. And it broke. I immediately ran to put it together and cried some more. It works, but I can no longer see anything on the screen.

I had two choices: 
  1. Be upset and let Satan get the best of me
  2. Read my bible and do as planned, even though Maddy is up.
After much debate, I chose the bible. I read 3 chapters, though very bitterly at first... and allowed God to soften my heart and I chose love. Even if occasionally during my reading Maddy would squirm in my lap and start whining (she wanted to be held, but then would complain) I began to feel annoyed again but it went back down. Normally when they wake up they get to watch one episode of either Blues Clues, Oswald, or another good show... so I let her watch that while i went into the other living room and did 20 minutes of my workout. They were interrupted by her coming back and forth but that's ok. It got done.  I'm so glad I chose this option instead of being bitter and I can honestly say I am in a pretty good mood. When Peter got up, I cried to him about my phone and he is now fixing it, (or trying to). He has always been so so supportive of my working out and reading.... the first thing he asked was: "what do you need to do, you can do whatever you want". How lucky am I. Two days ago when I was reading my Beth Moore bible study, she was talking about Satan. She said this:
"Hear the words of your Commander in Ephesians 6: 10-20."
  •  Realize your natural limitations.  We cannot enjoy spiritual victory without actively calling on the power of God. We are only strong when we are in the Lord and in His mighty Power. I didn't do that today. Instead I tried to fight Satan myself... "leave me alone satan!! Stop ruining my life!"
  •  Remember the full armor. Don't underestimate the enemy's ability. He is an expert archer. He's had at least six thousand years of practice on human targets. HE WON'T WASTE ARROWS ON WELL-ARMED PLACES. He will aim for the spots you and I have uncovered. Not every problem we have is warfare. Yes Satan is ultimately at the origin of every temptation, but we are not perpetually go hand-to-hand with principalities of darkness. Some of my problems have resulted from personal rebellion. Sometimes I sense satan is very actively opposing my life. Other times, I sense he is more passive, because he sees me doing a fine job of getting myself into difficulty. We are wise to pray for discernment to know the  nature of our problems. Sometimes the prescription is repentance. Other times it is the fortification against the evil one.
I am working on putting verses up all around my house so that when I feel attacked or just need an encouraging "word", I can read it and memorize.  I can say today... "thank you God for this day". Take that, Satan!!!


  1. I like that you're so candid about your days and how you feel and the ways you can overcome it. I'm sure many, many people feel like this a lot throughout the day but don't admit it. Good job.

  2. well it's really embarrassing that I threw my phone but I am hoping my experience can bring encouragement to someone!