daily struggles

The last couple of days have been very trying for me! I am very slowly learning how to deal with a child that is completely opposite of Kate. She has really tested my patience the last two days. So, if you remember to pray for me... pray that I can still choose to be loving regardless of how stressful the day is. I don't want to yell and get upset... I just want to still be reminded to be loving. I want to die to my daily sins and struggles and as I read through Romans 7:17 this morning.. it really spoke to me.

(The Message) "For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I decide to do good, but I don't really do it. I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyways. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.Is there no one who can do anything for me?  The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. "

Basically for me, I don't always react in loving ways. I want to, but if my husband upsets me, I sometimes say sarcastic things... or when my children are out of order, I yell... and I don't want to do that. God help me! It is also hard when we live in a world of material things... all we do is want want want and we are continually influenced by things and people with wrong motives or intentions.  That is the sin tripping us up.

On a different note: It is about a week and a few days until Maddy's birthday party. Our table and chairs that we ordered for her came yesterday! I finished the banner, finally and now I am working on the little details. Next week will prove to be very busy because I have tons of baking and cooking to do. Primarily on Friday.... I am choosing to do cupcakes and the cake that day because I stress out too much the day of, and then I find myself putting on my last speck of makeup at 4:29, right before the party starts... still with wet hair. I just want to be totally prepared so that we can enjoy the day. I will be really happy once Friday is done with because then I will for sure know what I have to do and prepare for the next day. This year has been so much fun to plan for the birthday party. Shabby chic is my favorite decorating style so it has been a dream come true to plan. I am so happy for facebook and blogs because in the past year I have been following so many blogs that pop out ideas every single day... so it's not even hard to get ideas because they come right to me!

I have been continuing to work out and it has been a joy. I usually feel pretty good after but it has been extremely hard to balance all the rest of what I am supposed to do. I've been getting up earlier to read my bible since I have so much material to go through between the bible studies I'm in, and there's just not enough nap time to do everything in. Maddy has been taking very short naps and getting up almost every night at 5 or 6 am... I"m just not sure what is going on with her. I find myself going to bed really late at night and then being overly tired the next day. My house is usually messy and that, too, has been a huge struggle. I am working on being okay that it's lived in and that it doesn't have to be perfect.  I better get going now... my time is up!

a few 365's

where did the weekend go?

for a stay at home mom, usually the days are all the same... weekends are like week days to us. Still 'working'.  However, this weekend we got to go to Grand Forks, by ourselves! Kelsey VOLUNTEERED to watch the kids! We couldn't possibly pass that opportunity up. We did go, and got lots done. I especially got a lot done for Maddy's birthday -- the price you pay to go on a Saturday though is complete, utter, chaos. My line at Joannes was at least 10-15 minute cutting and the line to pay. each.

We did get to eat at the toasted frog. We also spent time waiting... a whole 45 minutes. We tried to find things to do, like go to Hugos, but it didn't last as long as we'd hoped. We eventually got in though, and then waited another 20 to get our food. But it was worth it!! I had Mahi-Mahi tacos (YUM) which I think was one of the more healthier recipes to order... but I was really hungry that day and eating at 7:15 did not help!  I talked myself into eating part of a blizzard because I had worked really hard for 6 or 7 weeks.. losing almost 10 pounds! My goal now is not weight, but inches.. so i am trying to work on toning, but also eating healthy too. Trust me... that blizzard was the best thing I ever ate in my life! (It really was)

Also we realized that we can pop popcorn in a paper bag by stapling it. Works great! I'm still not sure how much popcorn is... air popped it is 30 calories plus butter, but with oil... i have no idea.  It's probably still a better choice.  I have some in the microwave right now!

I am finally getting done with editing pictures. Kelsey was kind enough again to come over (volunteering) and played with the girls while I casually edited pictures throughout the night. Ahh, what would I do without her. since trying to work out, alot of other things like editing, or crafts, or even keeping up with the cleaning has really gone down hill. I think it will take me a while to figure out how to balance that. I think once summer comes, maybe i can get up early to do some of that stuff. Yeah right... a girl can dream! Maybe later I can post some of the pictures i've taken in the last couple weeks, for now, they're going on facebook!

sore!

I just got done doing Jillians "No More trouble Zones" and I am really sore! I wanted to quickly write because I know the less I write, the less people come to read so I want to make sure I can keep up. Today I had voice lessons and she is having me sing Ave Maria in..... whatever kind of language it is. It's going well and I am catching on quickly, which is always nice. I got off to a good start today by doing some of my Beth Moore bible study and then showered. I visited with a new friend from Warren, which was so nice. That was our first visit and we seemed to click well. It was encouraging, for sure. I got home and let the kids play for a while and then read at least 5 books before putting them to bed and I got right onto my DVD. I thought I should just get it over with. Now I am uploading and editing a few of the 365 photos and then I suppose I will continue to work on Madelyn's banner for her birthday.. i believe i showed a picture of it in a previous post.  Anyway, I had gotten some more fabric so I am really hoping I can be done with it. I finished her invitations yesterday and now they just need to go in the mail... probably tomorrow and then just little stuff I have to figure out. That's probably all for now... more later!

discouraged

Many lessons have been learned in the last week I would say. What a week!  God is showing and confirming things to me each time I ask... without going into much detail about my last triad meeting, (we are training to disciple others) I left discouraged. I left wondering why God has put me in certain situations or places, or with certain people. A few days later I got a card in the mail (encouragement) confirming what I thought God was telling me.  That probably doesn't make sense to you but I'd rather not explain too much.

On the way to bemidji this weekend, we were listening to some podcasts by Chip on KFNW. In our Triad meetings, everyone is reading through certain books of the bible, only multiple times. For example, last week we went through James... and in one week, we are to read 20-24 chapters... so in James, since there's only about 5 chapters, we read through the book of James at least 4-5 times. It was a real blessing because then certain things pop up each time you read it, and I began to understand it more.  It just so happened that our podcast was on the first chapter of James....it was on discouragement. We didn't get to listen to a lot of it because we were in and out of the car (we had just arrived in bemidji) but one of the question asked was: "what makes you most discouraged?"  and i remember telling peter how discouraged I get when I know people are mad at me.  The next day I am shopping and my loving husband gives me some spending money. I had forgotten it in the car and asked him to bring it in for me -- within 5 minutes I lost it.  It pretty much wrecked my whole day... I let that wreck my whole day.  I was so discouraged... not so much about the money (though i know it is just a 'thing' and is replaceable, i was still sad that it was gone)- I was really just feeding myself lies of "you're worthless", "you can't do anything right", "you always let people down", "someone's always mad at you", etc.  The whole day.. then i began to think: "you're so fat, ugly, no one likes you" etc.  As we went to go eat, Kate started complaining that her stomach hurt.  and I really believed her, she did not look good at all. You could just tell that it was an upset stomach and I really had thoughts that she was getting the flu (others in our extended family had just been sick with the flu) so both peter and I were just in dissapointing moods. I finally just told my mother in law what had happened, with tears coming down my face, and i felt like I had let all those lies come rushing out of my body. I could tell she felt badly and just being able to tell another christian what was bothering me was helpful. Out of no where, kate said "I feel better!" which to me is a miracle after the way she looked. I really felt like i was under attack at that point... and after hearing many stores of how Satan can physically make people ill -- one of his most unknown ways of getting to people is through discouragement. It's like a mask... he uses it so that we can't rebuke him because we don't know what the cause is. It is so important to know the difference between having a bad day, or Satans attacks.

One thing I got out of my James readings this last week were two things:  Is my life revolving around things that can change? If so, my life will look like I'm riding the rocky seas.. up and down, up and down. What can I control? I can't control that I lost that money. Our thoughts on that were, maybe it was for someone who really needed it. If so, I am more than happy to be apart of Gods plan. My hope is that I can look through situations in Gods eyes... if I have problems/situations and keep focusing on it, that's going to be my perspective in life. (vs 9-12) I need to look at Gods perspective and have a willful dependency on God because circumstances change!!

Another thing I took from it was making sure I am asking in faith. Faith means that I have confidence that Gods promises are true and that I trust Him. If I am double minded like James says, that means I am still asking God to give me an answer to something... but then when he tells me, then I say "uh, well that's not what I wanted to hear" and basically ignore what He's said. From now on when I ask... I need to ask for supernatural wisdom and understanding how to do what God wants me to do in a situation... and then learn to do whatever God's wisdom is.  It's like writing your name on a check  and cashing it in. Once you sign it.... you need to follow through. Before you ask, you cannot in the back of your mind have a thought that you might not follow through with it... God already knows this! For example if I asked (which this is just an example) "God, what am I supposed to do in this situation?"  and God says "Move to another state"... I need to trust that it's the right decision. Hopefully that makes sense... another example was my hopelessness with Kate being potty trained. I kept asking for wisdom on what to do... and felt like he was telling me to be patient, but I really thought, no way... I can't. Time will not heal her... she is afraid of the potty!

Today really has been a longgg longgg day. Bedtime was definitely a sigh of relief. It seems like after a trip like this, it takes a while for the girls to get back to normal. I thought I ate good today and exercised well, so overall I am pleased. So far my new years resolution is going well... I am baking alot, exercising and eating good, - the craft thing is on hold but once in a while I get to do a little something.  That's all for now.... reading and bedtime for this girl.

march madness

it's that time of year again for this house... basketball will be on every weekend non-stop. I am sort of glad that we are going away this weekend.... we won't have to watch a ton of it. I doubt that peter would allow the tv to be on all day during a Sarah Richardson marathon on HGTV. :)

We had a pretty productive day today.... the kids had a playdate with some friends at our house and then I worked out like a maniac this afternoon.  Well, probably not a maniac but I did work out hard... I did the elliptical for 20 minutes doing intervals of really fast and fast... no resting, and then i came downstairs and did workout II in Jillians 30 Day Shred. I was definitely tired! Maddy woke up with about 10 minutes left, so I went and got her and she played with blocks while i finished. The girls and I made cookies this afternoon and they were of course excited to eat some dough, and then i quickly tried to put together a muffin mix. Peter baked the cookies while I gave the kids a bath and then while he put them to bed I tried to do a banana-oat cookie, which failed. I took out most of the shortening it called for and put applesauce instead.... so just in case you were going to try that... don't :)

I am trying really hard to not eat any of those cookies... it's a good thing I can't smell. I did try the banana-oatmeal cookie and it really was good, it just doesn't look like a cookie. It looks like a browned, round piece of dough.  Anyway, right now I am going to read through James and hopefully my Beth Moore bible study, which means I have about an hour of that to do and it's already 9... so I better go. I am hoping for a good weekend in Bemidji... if you think of it, pray that we do not get sick.  I am still a little worried about it... not just the flu, but strep-throat too. 

just an update on Jaco, from a fwd. email:

Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayer for Jaco (my cousin)!!!!

Our Father has shown once again that He is God of the impossible, we are just humble infront of Him for His goodness and mercy. Jaco is still alive!

He was transferred to another hospital after a week and the doctors there said that he shouldn't have lived longer than a couple of hours after the incident. His lung capacity and function was 0% for 7 days! He stopped breathing just after it happened. So he has been connected to a ventilator but as of today his lungs and all other organs are doing much better! We prayed so much for his lungs and God really stepped in and healed it.

During the last couple of days the doctors were very concerned about his skin since it is 3rd degree burns and 90% of his body. They said medically there isn't any hope. Many risks involved such as infection. YET again, God moved and Jaco was stable enough to go for surgery 2 days ago so that they could see if synthetic skin would work on him. They scraped the remains of the burnt skin of his right chest and it went okay. Today they tried the left side and his blood pressure didn't even drop. The doctors are very pleased. All glory to God!

Thank you once again for each one's prayer, please do continue to lift him up as the battle is not over yet - although we know the victory is God's and He is so faithful!

blessings to you,

Maryke

waiting...nervously

well, it seems now we are just waiting to get the flu, if we do ever get it. I am sure we will eventually.  We had a get-together with some friends of ours (they also work for our family) so that the families could get to know each other better.  They ended up getting the flu, and passed it to some of us! So, we are waiting for our turn. I wouldn't care too much, except we are supposed to be going to Bemidji this weekend--all of us, so that kind of stinks.

After gaining a couple pounds due to a monthly visitor, I am finally back down to my lowest weight in quite a while... I don't remember ever being this weight... not even in 9th grade! So that is a positive for me, but definitely wondering how I can possibly lose inches around my butt and thigh area. Not that you needed to know that but if anyone has any good wonder exercises, pass them my way. I honestly wouldn't care if the scale didn't go down anymore, as long as i could see results with shrinking inches.

On an even better note, I have been crossing things off my birthday to-do list for Madelyn's 2nd birthday!  Birthdays are so so so much fun when they are for girls. I looked all over the place for invitations that I could order, Even at $2.50 an invitation, it can get expensive when you can either order just 10, or 25... so I decided to make my own, and I think they turned out just as I could hope for -- I couldn't find my dream invitation anyway.  That has also been the case for a dress... I remember last year looking everywhere for a strawberry shortcake dress for Maddy. I ended up getting it on Ebay (with tags still on!) so that's where i've been looking lately... no such luck for the perfect shabby chic dress, but I have a decent amount of time. 

Anyway... yesterday was really lots of fun. I have had lots more energy the last couple of days, which has been so nice.. we played outside and I didn't go to my young woman's bible study last night to just hang out with my family... which was a huge blessing for me. I had fun coloring with the girls while Peter prepared his tax stuff and it just ended up being a good night. We also got to play outside for a while.... we built a snowman, and i took them on a sled ride in the slushy mush out there, and even jogged a while for some exercise. Now we can't really sled anymore because the roads are so messy, but hopefully we can spend more time outside, even just playing in the backyard on the swing set.  Woah, long post, so I better start my day, but I felt I needed to catch up.  Til later!

Happy? Monday

This weekend has been messy.... in terms of catastrophes and people suffering.  It humbles me to realize what other people are going through compared to the silly things I have going on in my life. My prayer for me this week is that I can be selfless... and not focus on my silly 'problems' but to really focus in prayer on those suffering and those who really have BIG things going on in their life.

 My Latest Prayer Concerns

•  Prayers for Ty
• This guy named Jaco who has 95% of his body burned in a fire with 3rd degree burns... not expected to live. Praying for a miracle....healing and strength for his wife and TWO SMALL CHILDREN.
• Those in the earthquake in Japan
• Those who are pregnant
• the children everywhere suffering from: hunger, abuse (physically and emotionally) rape, malnourishment, neglect, etc.

We are SO blessed to have what we have.

wrap

my trip to GF was a success... though long. We had a few rocky moments but it went good overall. I was so happy to get out, and even made it to bible study this week. today i had my body wrap and tomorrow i'll see if any inches came off.. i'm really trying hard to drink more water but it is so hard for me!!  Right now it is pretty early and I am going to try to unwind and go to bed. I really need a good nights sleep... maddy was up again last night from 3:30-5am. I brought her in bed with me and she tossed and turned the whole time.  I did Jillians workout #3 and it was way too hard for me, and then since i had time left during nap-time, i did 15 minutes on the elliptical too. It felt good not to have to do anything after the girls went to bed. Instead I took a shower and am listening to "So long Insecurity" by Beth Moore... I read most of the book but I get more out of it by listening. Here's some 365 pictures from the last few days..

healthy eating

my energy has been non-existent lately... you'd think that I would have tons more being I am exercising... not!! Today I tried Workout II of Jillians... and it kicked. my. butt.  It was hard!!  I really wanted to make a healthy supper so I made : chicken vegetable stir fry and then also made low-fat eggless banana oatmeal muffins.  It's about 140 a muffin, which is perfect. Pictures tomorrow... really no time to upload it seems. I got one project off my list today and tomorrow I plan to go to GF with the kids.. I really need to get out (and need tons of supplies and groceries)  so I am hoping/praying it goes well.  I haven't gone anywhere for at least 2 weeks... so we need this. I have about 2-3 weeks (here and there) of my meals filled out and hoping that I can do well at meal planning.

Wednesday I am having a body wrap done at my house-- (removes toxins out of my body) and I am hoping to lose a few inches. She's going to show me some stretches and yoga-type workouts so that I can work on my "troubled" areas.   Basically lots of random info but I promised myself I'd go to bed early so I'd have more energy. Working out is no fun when I feel like lying on the couch.. it was funny because today I went upstairs twice during nap-time to work out, and walked back down because it was either too cold, or I told myself I could take a day off.   I was productive though... I found some cute ideas for kate's ice cream party social theme for her FOURTH birthday (she's getting so old!) and ordered an Easter/birthday dress for her, also got some invitation ideas for Maddy... hers is coming up quick too... til tomorrow, or the next day

Crockpot day

ah! Today has been good. Sunday school went good, I got up early to shower and do our french dip in the crockpot, had lunch with friends at the diner in Kennedy, and bread is setting for some home-made artisan buns. We even had another 'date night' last night, and the movie was done at 10:30 so we could go to sleep early. I have a stuffy nose so i was worried I wouldn't get much sleep but I slept well.  This week I am feeling like I really need to get some big projects done.. so I hope i can be productive. I also finally measured my waste and hips last night so i can see if i am losing inches rather than weight. I know I have, since some of my pants are baggier than normal. So far, 6 pounds lost. Anyway, I have to cut this short,... nap-time is up (it really didn't even begin, for one... can you guess who?) :)

game night

well, it certainly was a late night for us.... we had guests over for supper and games and they left at 2 am!!!  We talked at the dinner table until 9pm and then played games the rest of the game. Thankfully my sister kelsey took the girls to my parents and played with them, gave baths, brought them home and put them to bed.  So blessed to have her!! I don't know what we would have done.. we already invited the couples' over a few weeks ago so we couldn't really cancel last minute, especially since one of the couples got their parents to watch the kids overnight.

It was so nice because we talked about our faith for quite a while... which is always so encouraging from other christians... it's true, you can have lots of fun without drinking!

I served black beans and rice, with jerk chicken & steak kabobs. We made peanut butter - chocolate cookies and baby lava cakes... i was so worried I was going to go off track with my diet but i ended up eating half the lava cake and just a bite of a cookie... I don't think I even went over my calorie count! I checked the scale and I am down another half pound. Praise God... an encouragement.  More later, off to color with Kate.

phase II

So we went through phase I of Maddy crying herself to sleep for a week and a half, and no naps at all, to now she goes to sleep with only a little bit of crying and then waking up early, and napping for an hour or less.  I will admit, I was really discouraged yesterday.I am staying up late to get things done and working out with little results which takes up nap time, and then when I come downstairs, she's already up. Kate has been extremely 'mouthy' and Maddy cries about everything--i'm just not used to it. Anyway, I'm sure you're thinking.. "boo hoo".

I was listening to KFNW the last couple of weeks and heard some really good programs. I normally don't listen to the 1:00 program but the last two days she's been talking about being old in Christ. One thing this 86 year old woman said was that she feels she is an intercessor for a lot of people, so she has this notebook where she writes down who she is praying for... I thought that was such a good idea so I started doing that.  Sometimes people just pop into my mind and i pray for them, but only when I think about it. It would be such a good reminder to see it on paper every night and remember to pray for them.  Also just a good reminder to meditate on Gods word throughout the day... I need to be putting more scripture up in my house, because I always forget to memorize. It would be perfect to put something up in my work-out room. Anyway, enough jabbering for now... i suppose it is time for breakfast.

date night...finally!

Today has been a weird day! Last night was 'date night' for us since Peter didn't have to work this morning so we decided to watch our movie that has been waiting for us for three whole weeks!  We really needed that... especially since Maddy has been uncontrollably crabby and the girls seem to be whining a lot more... Maddy will now throw a full-blown tantrum if I give her the wrong cereal bowl..also only taking one hour naps-- and Kate has started this "I'm still hungry!" fit if I do not give her a piece of candy. I think I've got two divas on my plate!!:)

My plans for this morning were to get some 'deep' cleaning done since Peter would be home, especially since I did not go to bible study last night or this morning, freeing him from having to watch the kids... so I asked if I could do that.  Instead, I made him his favorite breakfast and got so overwhelmed with dishes and not enough sleep,so he let me take a 45 minute nap! For lunch I again made a huge mess in the kitchen and missed my morning workout.  So this afternoon I had to push it extra hard with my elliptical AND jillian DVD!  I definitely got my workout, that's for sure.  I read an interesting article here:

Anyway , here's a couple pictures from the last couple days... later!