failure

Well, yesterday had been a fairly good day. Mostly because I found out I was featured  on TomKat's blog. I had been waiting to see when it would happen, and it just stinks it had to be yesterday. I had gotten at least 14-15 comments and over 1,000 page views yesterday, and the comments are gone now due to maintenance on the blogger server. The worst part was that no one else could even view it or post comments either, which isn't a huge deal, but now the comments that were left are gone, and I have no idea what other questions people had.  So, if you are reading, I am working on a new post to answer some of the questions on how I did the party in details, instead of getting back to each one individually.

Yesterday I made some chocolate cupcakes for my sisters graduation and nephews birthday. The girls really weren't behaving in the morning, and i ended up licking a lot of frosting and eating a few mini cupcakes. Not only that, i pigged out on rice (which has tons of calories) for lunch and just felt awful the whole day.  I am sure you're thinking: big deal.... but to me, it is about self control and I have been having issues with that lately. I wasn't hungry for those foods, so why am I eating them and why can't I stop? It's like I have to be munching on something constantly. I look at my husband who is on this detox diet, can't have any treats or anything, and he is doing awesome! He bought a gluten free cookie a few days ago, and he still hasn't touched it. If it were me, I would have devoured it the second I paid for it. What is the deal?

Then today I am feeling like an utter, complete FAILURE because I thought maybe I should be doing more potty training stuff with Maddy. She seems interested and has been telling us on occasion when she needs to poop (though has never done anything on the potty yet) and mostly I have been terrified after the trouble I had with kate... see here and here. I dont want to do this. I really don't. I wish I could send her somewhere to get potty trained, I really do.  I don't want to do this.

So, today she pees through her underwear a few times, which is fine. But she is dripping so I try to put her on the big potty and low and behold, she is freaking out. Just like Kate did. And all of a sudden, she is asking for a diaper.  I start to bawl. I begin to beg God, please, don't let this happen again. How can I make potty training fun?  I don't even know how to do this. Why can't I potty train a child?  Is it just my kids?  What am I doing wrong? I feel like a failure.  Do you bring the potty chair with everywhere you go? Do you just focus on being with them the entire day, not leaving their side? Do you do a buzzer?  I have tried all these things, (with kate) and they never worked for me. People kept telling me, "she's not ready yet" but she was... she was just scared. With Kate, I kept asking her, "do you have to go potty? " over and over, and she became resistant to that because that's all she heard. All of a sudden, she was holding her pee and became defiant because she didn't want me to 'win' by asking her to go pee and actually doing it. It's like it was a game... and she was of course, scared of the potty. Maddy isn't scared, yet, but I AM!! I don't want to mess it up... how do i do this?