good

I had such a good weekend. I left Thursday morning and arrived in Bemidji about 3pm. We stopped to shop, get a few groceries, and eat before we started our quilting weekend. When I say "we" I mean my mother in law. It was really a much needed get away. Though I felt really sad to leave the kids behind and especially Peter (he was REALLY SAD! You should have seen his face!) We are hardly ever apart. I know we need breaks from each other but I was sad that it wasn't us on our getaway, which is hopefully soon. Our annual trip to Fargo will be fun and we've picked out a few dates with my mother in law that might work.  I am also not used to sewing all day so I wondered how that might go. The time went really quickly and we of course took breaks to each dinners, snack, and have coffee breaks. Even a nap.

I think the funnest part of it all was just getting away from any and all negativity. I don't remember one thing about the trip that was negative. I could be myself and everyone accepted me. That was the best feeling ever. I finished my quilt the first day I was there and then worked on the backing the next morning. I love that when you send in your quilt, you don't have to worry about putting the batting and the backing on. They do it for you--that is the toughest part for me. It always seems to bunch up.  I also made two pillows (and would have been more had I bought enough material) and a table runner. I also have a coffee table runner I plan to make soon that seems really easy. After quilting with the girls I feel confident about doing work on my own and making another quilt.

I came back to a new marriage devotional Peter had bought for us, a phenomenal church service and exceptional church fellowship. Peter was overly helpful and we had so many good talks. I felt like I was extremely excited to see and talk with the girls as well. I anticipated last night that Satan would try to tear down my high and I was right. This time though, I felt like I had the full armor of God.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 I was ready this time!  Fully knowing Satan would use anything he could,  I was ready.  I've written down a verse and will memorize today to help:

You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

random

This is going to be very random, but the last few days I have been feeling much better than I ever have. On Monday however, I ended up eating way too much and had an upset stomach the first part of the night making it impossible to sleep. That is really my only complaint.

I had a really good bible study (s) this week; one being Beth Moore and I can't even tell you how may things I underlined and felt that God was really talking just to me. How much encouragement means - I could totally relate to that. Another thing was just having hope and realizing that Gods ways are always going to be right, and who are we to question him when we know nothing about it! So that was also very humbling. Job 38:1-2, and Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 were both very powerful to me. I've memorized "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit rots the bones" and now I am onto "Where there are many words, there is much folly". I can't exactly find it in proverbs but that is what i'm memorizing. It is so true and i've remembered it especially with my talks with Peter.  

I'm trying very hard not to take naps during nap time, mostly because I tend to get very groggy and it seems hard to take just a 20 minute nap. I end up sleeping really hard and that makes it impossible to get through a hard sleep cycle in that amount of time. So, I've MADE myself get up and do some organizing. It is completely overwhelming to think of all the organizing I'd have to do before I am satisfied, but.... one section at a time. Yesterday I went through the living room and brought most of the toys back upstairs (where they belong!), and set out baskets of things that belonged in Kates room and our room.  Today I worked on the magazine situation. This summer I bought actual magazine holders so I put all the magazines that seemed to be floating around or resting in places they didn't belong. Then I cleaned under the coffee table-- all the old albums that just need to be put upstairs. I went through the rest of the photos I'd ordered awhile ago and put them in the kids' albums, along with changing out some of the really old photos in frames. I then went to the Hoosier cabinet we have and emptied out drawers, mail, etc. I threw away a lot of stuff (forced myself) and now just to put them in proper places. That always seems to be the biggest chore. I can't decide which place next I'll do. It should probably be the kitchen but I fear that'd take months!

Tomorrow I leave for a couple days to quilt with my mother in law. I am excited to go, yet of course sad because I will miss the kids and Peter. I don't want this to be my only chance for a get-away; I do hope to get to go shopping with some of my friends one day, just for a day, so I hope Peter is willing to watch the kids every now and then. It will be nice to spend some time with my mother in law, too, since I hardly even see her these days. I'm hoping to pretty much finish my quilt and work on some pillows. Please pray for good sleep for me... I always have trouble at home, in my own home, so I can't imagine how it will go somewhere else. Also pray for baby. I feel like Satan has been trying to scare me that something is wrong with the baby. Just because I haven't loved the pregnancy and I think if something were to happen God would tell me...."be thankful in every situation".  I just shouldn't take for granted a pregnancy. That is all... hoping for a nice, relaxing weekend.

a little help

We ended up having a really nice time at the pumpkin patch on Saturday. I really thought I had missed my chance bringing the kids there and felt even worse when I wasn't able to go with Kate and her class. But, it was finally something to look forward to, and even better, we got to spend the day with some friends from church. 

a picture of me and peter out in the corn maze. Below are some other favorites from the day. The rest I am saving for another time... once I can get caught up on editing.

Yesterday as I talked to a friend from church and as she prayed over me I felt hope again, finally, that I can overcome these pregnancy blues i'm in. It's not something that I can do alone, but with the prayers of others and myself asking to change my heart and attitude, it might be something that I can totally get out of. I think also, just being in Gods word and totally surrounding myself with scripture and bible studies (hoping i can keep up with them!) will also benefit me. I realized I am overwhelmed with material, as I just started a new book, "Not a Fan" and now starting a new series in our church bible study "Lies Young Woman Believe", the Beth Moore series, and the triad readings we do each week. I am really hoping I can find someone to come and clean once a week or twice a month (reasonably priced) to take some of that burden off me so I can focus more on my kids and my bible studies. If you know of anyone... let me know! also just being able to be recharged once in a while with time by myself or help with cleaning or a break from making supper totally helps. Yesterday Kelsey my sister came over and spent time with the kids and I napped while Peter was grilling supper. I can't even thank them enough.

craft time

love.

done

The night before beets ended I spent 45 minutes on the kitchen  before bed. From 9pm-9:45 I scrubbed dishes, loaded dishes, cleaned counter-tops, cleared the kitchen table, swept floors, and straightened up.  When it was finished, it felt so good to see a clean kitchen. It really gave me hope. I had also been working on the mountains of clothes that had accumulated  -most are still not put away and now i have two big basket fulls again that piled up.  Peter came home at 6pm yesterday and he offered to help make supper. I cannot even tell you how much that brought my spirits up. I began to hug him and make sure he knew how helpful it was and how much he can contribute to helping me feel better in my 'situation'. Yesterday I was really planning to go on the elliptical for only 15 minutes, but I made the mistake of sitting down and then eventually taking a mere 1.5 hour nap. I was still groggy when the kids got up and I really didn't snap out of it until 6:30. at 9, I was practically falling asleep again while reading the book "Not A Fan".   So far, so good. I only got to 30 pages but so far it had a lot of really good examples that if I were in a conversation with someone who was seeking God, i'd be able to tell them the difference between someone that is just a 'fan' of god, and not a follower. 

We went to bed around 10 and I fell asleep fairly quickly which doesn't happen very much. I slept through the night except the time Maddy woke up at 5.  At least it was only once this night. Over the last week (teething I think) she's been getting up once or twice a night crying. This happened when she got her other molar, and eventually after more than a week and a half, I had to just let her cry a night because she just wanted to snuggle for a little while. It sure felt good though, even if i was tired.

This morning I slept til 8 which felt so nice. I tried to clean the kitchen a little bit while making oatmeal for me and the girls when I found something very disgusting. A good thing, though. I had asked my mother in law how to get rid of fruit flies, and she said put some dish soap in a bowl with water and some vinegar.  So, i had put a few different bowls up around the kitchen and yes, it would catch maybe 5-10 in each bowl. Well, I put one up on the shelf where I hang my pots and pans, and I checked it this morning.... there must have been 30 or so in there! Disgusting. But, now there are 30 less flying around. Yup, it is really embarrassing for me to admit that we had that many fruit flies in the house, but its true. The kitchen was not kept up and it got really bad. There are still a lot in the kitchen but I am working on catching them. My main problem is , once I get the kitchen cleaned up, then I want to bake. Like yesterday, it was spotless and then i wanted to make banana and blueberry bread.  Well, no! I stopped myself because that's how i get behind. We don't need it right now. So, unfortunately instead, last night peter wanted to make pudding, but we didn't have any, so what do I make. Cupcakes with chocolate frosting. Ok, they were excellent, but now there's a mess i've got to deal with. :) It will get done. Mind over matter.   I suppose I better go now.. It felt nice to share what's been going on the past couple days.  Beets. Are. Done, and it feels really good.  I am praying they can finish quickly what they need to before next weekend so I can go to a quilting retreat. Its the only time I think I'd finally finish kate's quilt... mainly b/c i would be forced to work on it and not have any interruptions! Plus, it would be nice to interact with adults.   More later!

song of the week

First of all I'd like to share the song that's been on my heart this week. I think it is crucial for me to explain why this song is important to me. Through these last 8-9 weeks, I have been discouraged by the pregnancy and just being sick all the time with morning sickness along with sickness in our family for a few weeks and just not being able to be my true self. My mood is off, I am more emotional, more tired, -just not myself. So, I was feeling sorry for myself. I remember one specific time coming home from bible study and crying to Peter how I felt and he said "God made you strong to get through things like this by yourself so you can continue to serve others." And it's true. No matter what season I am in, I'm still called to serve. All I needed was some encouragement and I opened my eyes and found ways to serve. And how? The power of the holy spirit.

I have been praying lately that I would just somehow get out of this funk I'm in and like the song, be awakened. I just am tired of focusing on myself. Here are some of the lyrics. Just really all so true what I'm going through:

In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

[Verse 2:]
Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

[Chorus:]
For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

[Verse 3:]
In Your presence
In Your power
Awakening

oh boy. So powerful. So, then at church my pastor's sermon was about the holy spirit and basically just being awakened. He talked about Zacchaeus the tax collector, and how he was a pretty mean and greedy man, with a love for money in his heart.  It took the holy spirit to awaken his soul to change his ways.  I don't really know what God is up to, but I'm liking it. Even though it is truly truly hard for me to mourn over kids that really are suffering and DYING because of starvation... if it takes that to open my eyes -- I mean, it's a reality. I can choose to accept that it's really happening or I can turn my head and move on with life. That's a choice that a lot of people have to make each day. But if we choose to let it affect us, maybe the outcome will change? I let myself fall to the ground, sobbing to God on my knees asking him WHY... help these poor kids!! please. It is completely humbling and I don't do it often, sadly, to get on my knees in desperation. In complete surrender. I am willing to give my last cent so that one child can eat instead of waiting every 48 hours like these kids! It wasn't her day to eat. Can you even imagine? Oh my word, I can't. I really can't.  Use me Lord.   

shabby chic

It has been so fun to see my shabby chic party all over pinterest (in fact I get a ton of traffic from pinterest on my blog) and then now to see it on other wedding sites is so much fun.  More later.