up again

I'm up again, but I am pretty sure caffeine is the culprit! I guess I just can't have coffee after lunch. I can't say that I am upset though; this is rather nice. If I can't spend an ample amount of time in the morning by myself, then night time will have to do for now. This morning I didn't get to do my devotions because we were getting ready to leave for our girls shopping day (plus jack, my nephew). It was really fun, and I think the kids did so well. I am so proud of them. I got some good deals, too. We went to 3 gently used clothing stores (my kind of shopping!) and got to splurge on a coffee. It was so worth the late night, though. Next time, though, I will remember to get decaf.

Tonight as I finished reading through Luke, something non-instructive stood out to me. Usually when I read, God instructs and convicts me through His word. This time, it was really just a "oh yeah" kind of moment. Something that is so simple, yet I'm still so much in awe over it:

Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, "If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us." But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, "Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong." Then he said to Jesus, "Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."

                                                                             Luke 23 (39-43)
I guess I am just in awe over God's grace and mercy for us, and his ability to forgive so quickly if we just truly in our hearts believe.

• He respected God (Do you not even fear God).

• He knew his own sin (under the same condemnation . . . we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds).

• He knew Jesus (this Man has done nothing wrong).

• He called out to Jesus (he said to Jesus).

• He called out to Jesus as Lord (he said to Jesus, "Lord . . .").

• He believed Jesus was who Jesus said He was (remember me when You come into Your kingdom).

• He believed the promise of everlasting life from Jesus
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  And that's it. That's the start of a great relationship with Christ. Tonight as I study God's word I am feeling so blessed and refreshed. I really felt like I was supposed to share all of this--a few days ago I was reading Luke 21... and it made me feel like His coming is going to be soon. This is very real, and I want to be ready!
  
  
  
  
  Song I'm meditating on this week:  God of This City 

once again--an answer

It was just yesterday I asked the question about serving. Not one time did I ever think it was wrong to serve my family before someone else, but at the same time I wondered about the amount of time I was spending cooking and baking or doing other things that didn't really need to be done. I remember in bible study saying, "I have all these promptings that involve baking or cooking for others, yet I feel 'how could I keep serving in that way, I am struggling to actually find time to be with my kids unless I have really really planned out meals."

Meals. take. so. long.

And now with Peter being gluten-free it takes even longer to make everything from scratch, unless you want to spend 3x as much money, which I am not willing to do. Tonight before bed (because I can't sleep now) I was reading this really cool book "Loving The Little Years". I think it would be best if i just typed word for word what she said to say about 'bearing fruit'.

Psalm 128: Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olve shoots around your table.

 In reference to bearing fruit, she talked about an apple tree and how it bears fruit many times during the season. It is constantly dropping fruit; some get used, and some, well, rot. She asks:

But what does this apply to in real life? Well, think about yourself and about the things you do. Look at it like fruit. Are you holding yourself back on things, afraid that the end result will not be worthy of your labor? Are you afraid to fail? Is there some domestic activity that you would love to know how to do, but don't want to try in case it doesn't turn out? Are you afraid to try new recipes? Are you afraid to put energy or money into something that might turn into nothing? Do you evaluate the necessity of everything, passing it by if it doesn't add up to be practical? Are you limiting the branches upon which you are willing to bear fruit?  Speaking for myself, I have sometimes let cultural admiration for efficiency get into places that it doesn't belong. For ex. I am working away on something and just cannot shake the question "Why am I doing this? Is this a ridiculous use of my time? Should I be doing something that matters, rather than (say) knitting a costumed mouse?" But it is very freeing to laugh at yourself--laugh when you know that apple you were just working on may very well fall to the ground, and who cares? But the chances are good that the more fruit you make, the more fruit gets used. The more you throw yourself into heavy branches, the more inviting the fruit, the more people it is likely to feed. Some of those apples are likely to fall to the ground and rot. But God uses rotten apples--to fertilize the ground, to start more apple trees after animals plant them. You cannot know the dept of His plan for your fruit. So what if you don't have a plan for it in the future? Waste it. Waste homemade pasta on your family. Don't save cloth napkins JUST for company. Sew a dress your daughter doesn't really need. Be bountiful with your fruit and free with it. The only thing you can know for sure is that God will use it.

Refreshed.... always amazed at God's perfect timing. 

nuts.

I feel like all I ever do is complain on here. Yet the very same word complaint is what makes me most dissapointed. It is hard to do your best and still hear complaints about food or giving your child the wrong spoon or a hundred other different things. This morning I worked really hard on some gluten free buns for peter so that he could have barbeques. They really didn't turn out how i hoped... and they tasted a bit more sweeter than an actual bun would taste. So of course in my mind all I filtered in were the complaints. I just wish that I could understand what it would be like to feel 'left out' in that way. I think I am doing a good job in trying to accommodate my husband but I really feel like he's having a really hard time with it. And I feel awful. That is mostly why I try to go out of my way to bake for him so that he doesn't feel that way.

Tonight in our bible study we were talking about the gifts that God has given us and how we need to use them to glorify Him. I feel like sometimes I am just too wrapped up in my little world, making food and trying to please my kids and husband that I could possibly be missing opportunities to be serving others. Or, do you think this is what God wants me to do right now, too? Am I honoring Him with my time by trying to help my husband through this difficult time? I'd love to hear anyone's take on this. I guess I am just confused. I have had so many promptings to bring food out or meals to people who are sick and can't, or lost a wife and probably doesn't cook, or just had a baby.... yet its hard for me to find time to do all of those things because I am trying to serve my family.  Don't get me wrong, I have definitely done some serving to people, just not 100% what I feel like God has nudged me to do. Peter is really not feeling good about this right now... he could use your prayers. I feel like I have failed as a wife tonight because I was hurt that he didn't like anything that I made, which is also hard. Pray for me that I can put a smile on my face and just keep trying.

The Servant of the Lord

 Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight. I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets. A bruised reed, he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth.

Isaiah 42:1-4

teachings

I hate that summer is practically over and it went so quickly because it was filled with events every week/every day. I think I'm ready for the fall, it's just that it usually means BEETS are looming closer and colder weather prevents us from being comfortable outside. I wonder what it would be like if we had 20 degree weather the whole winter? I would love to try it some time. Yesterday I cooked for the men and tried to space it out so that I wasn't doing everything all at once. Today we're making stuff again (pizzas this time) so that should hopefully be a little easier. I have a dessert crust in the oven right now for my friend's baby shower on Sunday, and last night after the kids went to bed I spent time making lists of things I need to do/bring. I have two games and a devotional I worked on. I still have to finish the banner I planned to bring and the runners, copy off all the games, and load everything in the car because after I bring out food, we are going straight there to decorate. I wish that I could spend time with Peter on Sunday afternoon, or even just take a much needed nap, but it will be fun to do the shower, too. I am really hoping that rain stays away so that we can finish early next week and maybe get to do something fun during the weekend. That would be a first, in a long time!

Monday is Emily's last true day with us, and I am thankful because I am scheduled to bring food out again on Monday and I have bible study right after, which is always a busy day. It will be helpful after this busy weekend I had. I have also been having a good few days with the girls. I have changed my attitude, asking God to make me more loving and so far he is answering my prayers. Yesterday I just felt like a new person because I thought before I spoke or did anything with the girls and it was wonderful. When I became angry, I Just breathed really deep for a while and asked God to help me focus on other things.  For whatever reason I felt God underlining Luke 18:14:  "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted".  I think maybe I haven't been seeking God because I've been mad at how Maddy has ruined my devotion/alone time in the morning. My attitude was like : "ok, well if you're not letting her sleep in then obviously I can't read, so that is your fault!"  which is not appropriate! I feel like he is trying to tell me he knows what's best for me and I can't think that "I" know what's best. I have to humble myself and and let go of my pride and just trust God.  So anyway, that is what He is teaching me this week.

I'm just not.

Just to keep things up-to-date, things are well here. I am not getting much editing done with the engagement photos (though I really have already done 80% of them).. I have been battling Satan for a good week and finally within the last couple of days I have found relief through answered prayers and encouragement through Gods' help and word. I just kept saying " My flesh and my heart may fail , but God is my strength and my portion forever". It made me think about how grouchy I was to my kids and if my actions were pleasing to God. I know I will not be able to please my kids in every situation... but I need to be pleasing God always. So, Maddy's waking up early and I can't do my devotions. Big deal. Maybe God wants me to rest and do them some other time in the day. Or maybe he wants me to fight through it and do them anyway? He knows what's right and I need to be trusting. So, here's to a better weekend. I'm just not giving Satan a foothold.

get done soon!

It's Monday today. Again, the weekend went really fast but it was really fun too. This weekend I took some engagement photos for my sister-in-law Chelsie, and I am pleased with how they turned out. They aren't super original but we did the best we could with the bright sun. I was also able to visit with my sister on Saturday (she recently moved to Bismark) - that was such a treat. Even though it had only been 2 weeks, I know the next time I see her will be a little while unless we are able to visit her before Chelsie's wedding. She confirmed that she is able to help us for the wedding! So, pressure is off that the girls will be running around wild while we are trying to take photos and during the wedding. Plus, then we'll get to spend the weekend with her! (And she won't have to drive quite as far) Anyway, Sunday was hard for me because she normally comes over that day and I really missed her.

Yesterday truly was a humongously busy day- I went to GF most of the day to get things for the baby shower I'm helping with this weekend, and then I came home to finish making supper to bring out to the guys, after that I packed up to go to my bible study. I literally ran into the house, tried as quickly as I could to get everything cold into the fridge, and my ride was here. When I got home, I put the girls to bed and sat down. The kitchen really isn't too messy but it needs work. It was nice to go myself- I used to go all the time with the girls, and now I just don't know how I will get used to bringing the girls once Emily leaves and school starts again. When I'd bring them I'd only have 2-3 stops; lately I've been stopping at 4-5 places and that gets to be too long for them and not enough time to get back before naps.  So hopefully in the future it will go okay. As much as I'd like to stay home, I think today we're doing a play date so the girls can have fun. It looks like we won't get to see peter all day today.... sad.. hopefully they get done soon!

I'll covet your prayers

I wish I could get out of this complaining mode.  I have Kate's song from Bible School "I'm gonna adjust my attitude, with gratitude". Wish I could do that.  I let yesterday's bad mood affect me all day. I washed my phone. with the sheets!!! I never would have thought I'd wash my phone... it's never in any pocket. It's so disappointing.  I am mostly feeling lost because I fear I'll get into an accident some time and not have my phone. So, I'm wondering what I need to do... I'm going to call Verizon today and might need to make a quick trip to GF. That would be okay... something to do I suppose. There's a girl that has offered me her phone to use until I figure out what i'll do. I have been looking on Ebay but not finding a whole lot. I am hoping that by writing this it will help me release my dissapointing thoughts and that prayers would be offered for me! Silly, I know... but I think Satan is really trying to get me down. He is using this to make me feel bad among other things.