the hill

The hill..... well.   I like and hate the hill.   It is a place near our home that has been full of memories. Memories I'd like to relive and are memories of some of the sweetest times. It will forever be in my heart because we went to the "hill" the day of finding out Ella was losing weight from nursing.  It was one of the worst days of my life, but one of the sweetest as well. It was a day that we as a family had fun, and I wanted to spend extra time with the oldest because I was spending so much time trying to get Ella to nurse the last couple of weeks.  We had fun on that hill.

When I heard Kate wanted to go to the hill again today.... I smiled with a Yes.  A bit sad I will have to admit.. The hill was a point in time where things changed for us that day early in summer.  It changed a lot. And a lot of sadness came after that day.  I knew going to the hill today would be another point in time that things would change once again. It was going to be hard without kate.

But instead of crying through this blog post, I want to remember the fun times we had up until school.  I want to start writing for them so they can see what fun we had. What i'm feeling. How much I love them and care for them.

Today we (writing this late at night) went to the park... I pumped early so that we could do some fun things.  We went for a walk, went to another park... made homemade pizza for lunch so the kids could decorate their pizza.  Their pizza actually turned out really well, better than mine.  They helped me fold a little clothes..I pumped again and then we went outside to the hill. We spent a good amount of time out there...even Ella was happy.  We ate our snack, sang songs, etc.   After supper, we took baths, and then had a fire. We roasted marshmallows for smores, played cards, and packed our backpacks.  So many memories in our weekly fire and marshmallow roasting.    And then off to bed. I cried a little as I prayed - but not too much.  I think God took over then.   I will write more later as to how the day went.... but I think Kate knows just how very loved she is and how much we will all miss her.   Good night, sweet love. You will always be my baby girl.