fear

Today is Saturday and I have sadly woken up very late. Peter is curling in Hallock, MN this morning and had to get up earlier and so he got up with the kids and fed them breakfast and let me sleep. Though I very much enjoy getting to sleep in, it is always a little weird to start off so late. Last night I had a dream about delivering the baby.  There were so many women delivering......and I was trying to deliver at 36 weeks. In my dream I couldn't understand why I wasn't having many contractions. That's kind of how I feel now. There are sooo many babies being born and I have to still wait another month. I don't think I would really love a birthday right after Maddy's just because I'd want them to be able to enjoy their own birthday parties, etc. but it would be so nice to go early.

Since the beginning I have had such anxiety about the baby. That it's not healthy...has down syndrome, has this or that... etc. I really did try to ignore it and even asked for prayer in my bible study group.  However, a couple weeks ago in church we had quiet time and the subject to ask God was "Is there a trial you are facing now or in the future that you need wisdom on?"  and I sat there for a little bit as usual thinking, hmm, I wonder what it could be?  and then the word "baby" popped in my mind.  I immediately sunk in my seat with filled with disappointment.  I honestly said in my mind "what do you mean Lord!!" I still sat quiet in hope that I'd get more information and I don't know if it was me thinking what the possibilities could be... such as the pregnancy has been a trial  (the hardest by far) and the upcoming month will continue to be hard. Then when I brought it up to my bible study group, they reminded me that it could mean an extra baby could be a trial. One of the girls has three kids and she said it was really hard for her to go to three kids. So, maybe I am being naive and not considering that it is going to be different...... a trial. Especially going into the busy season of planting, harvesting and lots of summer activities and etc. It always seems to be something.

Then yesterday I read my bible study in James 1:2; It says:  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

The bible study book went on to explain how in Luke 10:30 it says he "fell into the hands of robbers", and how left alone, that's just what trials are: ROBBERS. TAKERS.  Another thing I underlined was: Trials don't get to steal from followers of Christ unless we hand over the goods.

So true.

So, I felt slightly encouraged by what I read, as if God was trying to tell me that Satan is just trying to Rob me of my joy in pregnancy.  It could still be a trial with the babies health. It could. But for now I just don't want Satan to give me this fear.  Please pray for me!