fear

Today is Saturday and I have sadly woken up very late. Peter is curling in Hallock, MN this morning and had to get up earlier and so he got up with the kids and fed them breakfast and let me sleep. Though I very much enjoy getting to sleep in, it is always a little weird to start off so late. Last night I had a dream about delivering the baby.  There were so many women delivering......and I was trying to deliver at 36 weeks. In my dream I couldn't understand why I wasn't having many contractions. That's kind of how I feel now. There are sooo many babies being born and I have to still wait another month. I don't think I would really love a birthday right after Maddy's just because I'd want them to be able to enjoy their own birthday parties, etc. but it would be so nice to go early.

Since the beginning I have had such anxiety about the baby. That it's not healthy...has down syndrome, has this or that... etc. I really did try to ignore it and even asked for prayer in my bible study group.  However, a couple weeks ago in church we had quiet time and the subject to ask God was "Is there a trial you are facing now or in the future that you need wisdom on?"  and I sat there for a little bit as usual thinking, hmm, I wonder what it could be?  and then the word "baby" popped in my mind.  I immediately sunk in my seat with filled with disappointment.  I honestly said in my mind "what do you mean Lord!!" I still sat quiet in hope that I'd get more information and I don't know if it was me thinking what the possibilities could be... such as the pregnancy has been a trial  (the hardest by far) and the upcoming month will continue to be hard. Then when I brought it up to my bible study group, they reminded me that it could mean an extra baby could be a trial. One of the girls has three kids and she said it was really hard for her to go to three kids. So, maybe I am being naive and not considering that it is going to be different...... a trial. Especially going into the busy season of planting, harvesting and lots of summer activities and etc. It always seems to be something.

Then yesterday I read my bible study in James 1:2; It says:  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

The bible study book went on to explain how in Luke 10:30 it says he "fell into the hands of robbers", and how left alone, that's just what trials are: ROBBERS. TAKERS.  Another thing I underlined was: Trials don't get to steal from followers of Christ unless we hand over the goods.

So true.

So, I felt slightly encouraged by what I read, as if God was trying to tell me that Satan is just trying to Rob me of my joy in pregnancy.  It could still be a trial with the babies health. It could. But for now I just don't want Satan to give me this fear.  Please pray for me!

refreshing

My little morning to myself  has been refreshing. I really should have woken up earlier; I do really miss the hour or so I would have in the summertime. Back then I got the sleep I needed and I wasn't up most of the night tossing and turning. Last night though, I slept great and it felt great to wake up and read, and sip my tea for a half hour.  This week I have been intentionally working on giving my faults to God right away in the morning. I keep thinking of the verse "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength and portion forever". That has been such a true verse for me. I want to do good, I don't want to be crabby. But my flesh takes over me and at times I am not the mother I want to be. I feel like Satan knows that and tries his hardest to get me to fail. So, I made the decision that (duh) I need to ask God for strength because I will always fail on my own.

The kitchen is almost complete.  Yesterday around noon the countertops were installed. I really like them.  Then, complete shock, the table was delivered! It didn't take Peter long at all to put it up. There was this little bolt that wasn't lining up right so thankfully my mother and father in law stopped by and was able to help him. I am completely in love with our table.  It is a dream. The best part is that we don't have any chairs in the kitchen (besides our counter stools, which are also a dream) We can fit nicely around the table - the bench is awesome.... most of the boxes that were around the house are almost gone (we've got tons and tons upstairs and in the basement yet to find places for) but at least the clutter around the house is okay. We finally moved our dining room table back to its original spot and now I just have to work on picking up the little things.  We reorganized our living room and everything feels fresh. We still have our old carpet, though, in our kitchen (yuck) so we're hoping within a month we can get that done.... though it seems unlikely. Just yesterday we had 4 service men come in and we had to put other sheets and rugs down so that the carpet wouldn't get caked with mud (it was raining). I really don't want to have to worry about that... but I guess that was the trade-off with getting the flooring we really wanted vs finding one real quick to install. I better go..... I hear voices! Hopefully soon I can take photos. I feel bad b/c my 365 is suffering, ... but who cares. It is just a number.

They're in!

The cabinets are in! But I don't want to post any photos because we are waiting for the counter tops. We have gotten, or, I have gotten about 40% of the stuff back into our kitchen. I am a bit worried that we don't have as much storage as before but we'll wait to see once we get our small appliances and bakeware back into the kitchen. Yesterday was a big day for me - I could hardly walk honestly. My back hurt and with certain steps my legs would give out. Once I sat down for a while I had more energy and felt better but carrying boxes up and down stairs is really not a good job for me. The kids helped by "washing" some of the dusty utensils  - they thought that was so much fun!  Then they put all the cans and boxes into the pantry and later that night Peter went through them and organized them better for me. That actually was so helpful on both parts because I would have had to bend over most of the time and that would have been really hard for me.  We got the dishwasher working and our old sink in until our new countertops come in, which is next Thursday.  I think they are already done cutting them, but for some reason it's Thursday when it works for them to come. So, that is sad! But, at least we have water - I am just so excited to see how it all looks!!!

We are also getting our table Friday sometime between 8 and noon and it's coming from the cities. I think originally it was from California.....it's amazing to us that shipping was as little as it was (though to me it's a LOT of money still for shipping) but if you think about how many people handled it, how much gas, etc... it should really be a lot more.  So, that will complete the look of the kitchen for now, until of course our flooring and back splash are in, which we don't know when that will be. We still have doors to be hung, too, and some trim on windows.  I am excited for it to be complete.

Last night I wrote a list of things to do so I am sure today we will be busy since Peter is home. We really haven't gotten to take advantage of when he's home because throughout the winter he's had SO many meetings to go to. Now, time has passed really when he can do projects around the house. Pictures are really non-existant for me at this point... I take some but as much as I used to. I am just too tired to upload and spend however much time it takes to edit. I have been cheating by using Peter's phone while he's home to take photos.  Oh well. I am sure once the baby comes I will be taking pictures like crazy. And once we get the kitchen in order and get through Easter, I will be focusing more on the baby, hopefully.  I feel like I am not prepared at all!!

pregnant

Yes. I am pregnant.  It never dawned on me until this past Sunday but while I was going into the ladies room, a lady from church asked me how I felt.  This is a question that gets asked quite frequently and I usually say the same thing.. "ok...(with a smile)".  This time, though, I said "I uh,... well, uh, ... I..feel...."   and then she finished by saying "pregnant?".  Exactly!  EXACTLY! What a great answer! Every single woman knows by the second and third pregnancies, it is a countdown from about three months of being pregnant. And that is exactly what it has been for me.  It wouldn't have been so bad had I not had cramps so early on... and now, i am feeling so much movement; every scrape internally, every painful braxton hicks (which seems like the real thing so many times!) and of course the back pain. It has often been hard to move without limping.  It is all so, so worth it for a healthy baby.

Oh dear, the kitchen. I won't even get into detail all that has happened, but finally we are at a point (lord willing) to move on and make progress. The cabinets arrived today after lunch, floor is prepped, and tomorrow sometime they will start. I really hope that goes well. Since I won't be home most of the week, I am hoping they don't have many questions. We took a look in the garage where they put the cabinets and it all looks so nice and lovely.  The walls are painted (last touch-ups were tonight!!)  We won't have water for another week and a few days, hopefully sooner or counter-tops, since they need to be templated and cut. Hopefully we can get our oven in this week and put in our old counter tops for some work space. yay!!

Today I washed clothes,cleaned the bathroom while the kids bathed (even mopped and scrubbed some of the grout!!) put all the winter gear away, or most of it anyway, brought some dishes to hand wash at my in-laws, and made one of the freezer meals that I prepped a couple weeks ago. We don't have an oven so being at my in-laws for meals helps so much. The frozen meal came in handy. I just went there and put it in the oven. It was GF lasagna, and honestly, it wasn't bad.  The noodles got a little mushy since they were GF but, that's ok.  It was food, and we could eat it in peace. Today seemed long with the girls as they argued with me about absolutely everything. Mostly Kate. It makes me feel like a bad mother because I am constantly repeating myself and taking away privileges. But, what can you do... they have to learn somehow.   Peter was even frustrated!  I think I might upload some photos and then read and go to bed. It's been a l-o-n-g- day and the next two days don't look any shorter!

big week!

It has been so busy, especially this weekend. Sunday we went to Grand Forks (again) after we failed to get everything we needed last Thursday. (We ran out of time because we had to pick up kate from school) We ended up ordering the doors we wanted and decided to wait until they came in. Peter will most likely have to put the doors in himself and frame them, but he is okay with that. We didn't want to get doors that looked junky, or purchase something we didn't want just because we ran out of time.
Here's some photos of our messy kitchen. We were in the process of packing up food/boxes and appliances.

..And here's what it looks like basically now.   Peter took out the cabinets one day, and then soffits another day. The cabinets were really easy to take out, but the soffits were a huge pain.  Because the soffits weren't the way we thought they'd be, the contractor said it would be easier for them to just gut the whole kitchen.   What?!  Nuts!  So, Peter will be trying to get a lot of drywall out on Tuesday, hopefully with some help so that we can roll right through and only have to clean up once.  Our kitchen is still usable, since our stove and fridge are still in there, but when there's drywall dust flying around everywhere, we can't go in there. So, it's important to just work really hard one day (hopefully) and be done, and the contractors can do whatever isn't finished.   It is for sure crunch time. For sure.  We also called for progress on cabinets and they will be delivering monday afternoon, and then starting the job on Tuesday. So from Wednesday-next week sometime we will not have water at all, which will be the toughest of all for this whole project.  Thankfully Kelsey is coming home this weekend to keep us company and maybe help with some things!

Well, the kitchen remodel has begun!  It officially started for me on Monday of this week. I packed a ton of food items and boxes and a good friend of mine volunteered to come and help bring boxes down to the basement or upstairs. Peter and I were really impressed with her heart and compassion to help me.  This week in our marriage devotions we are talking about generosity; not just in money form, but in time. He read or heard somewhere that the top two people that need help are the elderly and widows and he felt that pregnant ladies should be in that list! It made me laugh but it seems true. Sometimes I feel like an elderly woman for sure with my aching bones and waddle. It truly was a Godsend because I am not sure how I would have gotten all that kitchen stuff out of there without her help. Thank you!!!!

After a long day in G.F., we picked up our sink, drains, sample paint, and discouragingly looked at doors that we waited too long to look at. It will at least take 10-14 business days to get the one we want. I forgot all about the doors for the kitchen and Peter thought they were just in stock. We also looked at track lighting again for the living room since they will be doing plenty of damage to the living room ceiling. We had to rush through groceries just to get back to pick up kate!  Last night we ordered our faucet online (we picked up one from Lowes but decided that we liked another one better so we'll take that one back).  We ordered our kitchen table and bench this morning, which we felt was also a Godsend. For months I had this certain one picked out.  I had been asking Peter over and over if I should purchase it because we weren't finding anything anywhere else, plus we had our kitchen planner "design" it into our kitchen. It was just the right dimensions.  One day we panicked because we realized how close the kitchen project was and I vowed the night before that after my appointment the next day I would for sure order the table.  We stopped by Pier 1 and long story short Peter believes we were sent there to "stall" us from purchasing the table (we were contemplating tables from Pier1) .  A few days later we got an email saying there would be a 3-day sale of 25% off everything in the store.. so, we basically saved enough money to pay for the shipping for free, and we got the bench to go with it because of the sale!  We are still going to get the counter stools from Pier 1 and possibly some table accessories.  It looks as though the table will arrive hopefully around the time they finish installing the cabinets.   I even took pictures, but way too tired and lazy to upload them.  I think food will be our biggest stress, figuring out what to eat, how to clean it and etc.  Ok, i'm hoping that will be our ONLY stress, if we can even help that to be a stress.  Finding things to do all day has been hard since we can't really go in the kitchen. It will be so nice when it's warmer... i'm hoping to go outside next week.  It's been far too long being cooped up in the house.   Now... just to get rid of this nasty cold! :(

slowly but surely

Every day I seem to think about the same statement: "April 26th seems so far away.... so impossibly far away".  It has truly been a long winter and now right at the end of it I am getting sick with a cold. I hope it doesn't add to my discomfort! This week might be the start of demolition to the kitchen. Peter will be destroying the soffits, lighting will hopefully be installed and also praying sometime early next week (week of the 12th)  we will have work completed to the living room ceiling and all cabinets out, walls and ceiling textured and ready for painting during the weekend. Then, the carpet will most likely go in that week or weekend, flooring will be taken out or patched up and the week of the 19th is a hopeful week for installation of the cabinets. Then, a full week longer for our countertops to come in.  I am trying, really, really hard to not get my hopes up for delays. The week of installation is when we are able to stay at our in-laws so that would be great for all of that to work out. Still confused about meals...hopefully it's not too hard. My goal is to have a really good and detailed meal plan worked out as soon as the contractor comes in to repair and patch up the walls.  There will always be people in my kitchen!

This week I plan to take out some of the contents of our upper kitchen cabinets (since they'll be removed this week) and find a place for everything. I am also hoping we can get some sledding in with the kids.... we are praying we feel better this week.  Better go to bed!