Capturing the details of our life

the bump gets bigger

2012-01-26T21:59:00.000-06:00

So I guess you know how much I weigh. That's okay. Unfortunately I bet most of it is sweets and unhealthy drinks. It is funny how I spent the whole summer and part of winter eating very healthy, exercising regularly etc, and it totally stopped once the baby came. I think I was overdoing it and just got burnt out. It was almost a relief to be pregnant because then at least I had an excuse to take it easier. I was hoping to gain 25 pounds.... I think I've at least gained somewhere between 15-20 and I've got THREE MORE MONTHS TO GO! Hopefully my weight gain will slow down... though I know that is doubtful since the baby itself has to gain at least 6 more pounds!

Here are some other fun photos we took today...I was hoping to take more but we didn't have much light to work with and the kids really wanted to play with Kelsey (my sister) so this is what we got. Fun though!

Friday we are off to Grand Forks to work with our kitchen planner and hopefully finalize a couple of things soon so we can see how long it will take to make the cabinets. We still have a glimmer of hope but we'll see what she says once we submit everything. We are still praying for wisdom... time for bed before a busy day!

a good attitude

2012-01-24T08:58:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was not a typical Monday. Though I am not at all blaming anyone for my lack of appointments, it is a known fact that once you become a stay at home mother, it is harder and harder to be able to take care of appointments for yourself. You have to work with other people's schedules and lots of times they conflict. My hair was fried and my eyes were in bad shape so I begged my husband to find a time that I could get these two things taken care of. It just so happened to be in the same day! My hair appointment was at 9am, and my eye appointment was at 11. Both in opposite directions, I was able to stop at home for a quick 10 minutes and on to my next appointment.

It was so nice to have my hair worked on. The whole cut probably took 20-25 minutes (without washing) and after she was done she thought it'd be fun to curl it all! So we talked and laughed and after about a half hour I was shocked at how nice it looked. I can't ever get my hair to look that nice after curling it... and guess what... I STILL have curls after a whole day, and a nights worth of sleeping on them. So, I bought the hair spray and will try her style of curling soon. My eye appointment also went well, and I am proud to say my icky contacts have been thrown in the garbage and replaced with new ones.

When I got home, I called the kitchen planner and she dissapointingly told me that production time for cabinets are now 8 weeks out. So, it is pretty much impossible to get them done before the baby is born. That is not what we wanted to hear, but at the same time our prayers are being answered and I am grateful. All along we've prayed every single night for several months regarding the kitchen project and our hope was that it would not at all be something that would be stressful or at the wrong time. We still feel like we should keep moving with plans so that when we figure out the best time we can get started, but for now we feel like we just need to wait. A kitchen remodel, a new baby, and planting all at the same time might put us over the edge and that is definitely not what we want.

The day followed with several games of Old Maid; Kate always seemed to win, leaving Peter and I battling over who was going to pick the Old Maid from each others hand. We all were having so much fun. During the time Peter was left at home with the kids until he went to work at 1, he washed 3 loads of laundry, folded and hung 2, cleaned up the kitchen (loaded dishes, washed pots and pans) emptied all the garbage in the house, called a few people, made lunch and probably many other things. Needless to say he wasn't surprised at what happy mood I was in. Later in the night in our devotion time we talked about attitude and how it affects our family. He admitted when I walked in the door it was really nice to see a happy attitude. So nice to 'sort of' switch roles for the morning with me being away and him at home. We talked about our struggles with each others attitude and ways we can help one another out. So, my goal for today... a good attitude.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus

Philippians 2:5

new week

2012-01-22T21:55:00.000-06:00

This weekend has been pretty lazy for us. It has been so weird feeling so tired all the time. For instance, today after my nap, I went to the couch, and almost fell asleep again. I think Peter was shocked as he told me... "you must be tired". I've been doing what I can to catch up on daily chores yet at the same time feeling totally worthless as nothing 'extra' gets done. Oh well I guess... it is just a season. I have also been really bad at drinking pop. I mean, really good at it. The last two days I have had two bottles of pop. I've shared with Peter of course but I've had most of it! Friday night I had a sprite at the basketball game; Saturday night I had a root beer on our way back from getting groceries! I've really got to stop this habit.

I keep imagining what my life will be like once the kitchen remodel happens (if it does). I feel like it will be a total disaster on my hormones. I dont know how many days/weeks we will be out of a kitchen sink, real dishes, meals of course.... I am beginning to plan what meals I can freeze, make effortlessly in the crock pot, and eat out. It will also be tricky timing to get carpenters, electricians and plumbers here at the same time so that it does not drag on. I think it would be a whole lot easier if our soffiting weren't coming out. I probably spelled that wrong. We have to still purchase a table, lighting, microwave, back splash, decide on paint color, and we're even not sure about cabinet color/stain because of a miscommunication. So this is all very up in the air, but I hope we can meet regularly now with our kitchen planner to get some of these things off our list! We'll do a kitchen for sure, just might have to be after the baby is born. And after farming. And deer hunting. yikes.

wisdom

2012-01-17T22:07:00.000-06:00

We are back from our trip to Minneapolis. Of course I was extremely sad to leave the girls especially since we get away usually once a year for a weekend to ourselves. I'm just not used to leaving them for such a long time. Once we got on the road though, I was just fine and I knew they would have lots of fun. Peter admitted this might have been the best trip to the cities yet.... for me it is not quite true just because of the added body stress from pregnancy but all in all, we got to most of the stores we wanted and rather quickly! I didn't spend a lot of time looking at clothing since nothing fits, so we were in and out of stores basically just to browse. After numerous HOURS of cleaning out cabinets, shelves, closets, etc, I told myself I was not going to buy something I didn't think I would use or impulse buy. I also prayed a lot, which might sound silly to some but - God was so faithful. I knew what I was supposed to buy and it made it tons easier. I felt like I was making good and wise choices and everything I had searched for on pinterest or on the internet, I found a pretty close replica of what I had imagined in my mind. I love using pinterest because I usually know what I want, I just can't explain it well- I need visuals to help me explain. So I search for a certain thing on pinterest or on the internet until I find it, and then I pin it to help me explain to others, such as our kitchen planner. It's been so helpful.

It was so good to get back to our house. Especially. My. Bed. I missed it so much. I have stayed at a lot of hotels in the past few months, and especially the last couple years, and the best one I always want to go back to is Sofitel. I just love their beds. The hotel itself isn't a hotel that we'd spend a lot of time at because it's primarily a business hotel, but the beds are so nice!! We stayed at the Hilton Marquette downtown, and it was such a good location for us. We walked out of our hotel into a mall and access to skylines that brought us to Macy's, Target, and other stores. It also brought us to The Melting Pot and Hell's Kitchen, which are restaurants we both enjoyed. It had an executive lounge that we got free upgrade to (photo to your left) that served a nice breakfast, appetizers from 5-7, and juice, treats, and pop at night. To us we wouldn't have paid to get it- so it was nice that it was free. The beds were normal... sleepable for a pregnancy gal, definitely better than most. The first night we slept horrible because we had coffee too late in the afternoon and sirens kept us up; the second night we both slept like a rock, and the third night we slept good but had trouble falling asleep due to again, coffee at 4:30. Shame on us!

Today was a slow day putting everything back that I could, washing sheets & clothes, and of course entertaining Maddy. I hardly got a thing done. I spent the morning coloring, reading, playing ABCs with her and making lunch. That is just fine with me! With Peter's help tonight after they went to bed, we got the place cleaned up and the dishwasher started. We also enjoyed a nice fire and played Go Fish with the kids. So, that is my weekend for ya.... we are really starting to get serious about the kitchen. Just an hour ago we were sent a timeline of all things that needed to get done for installation. It is really fun, overwhelming, and nerve-wracking all at the same time! I just hope we can get it all done in our timeline... we certainly don't need to have a baby, going through a kitchen renovation and possible planting. Wisdom Lord, wisdom! I know He will provide!

24 weeks

2012-01-10T08:27:00.000-06:00

I'm on my 25th week this week. I have a feeling that the next month will go fairly fast. I'm thinking baby is still breech and starting to sweat a little bit about having to have a C-Section. I realized that I just need to be more trusting that if this was what God had planned, it's for the best.

Yesterday was so unbelievably nice. I could have stayed outside all day! There isn't much to do with little snow and warm temps but we played around as much as we could. Then we went inside and I made some hot chocolate and they had a cookie to go with it.

Yesterday I was more run down again. Somehow during the night I managed to pull several muscles in my body leaving me very stiff and achy all day. It literally took all day for me to clean the kitchen because I'd get tired of working on it after 10 minutes! But since Peter was gone, I let it be okay because we just had spaghetti for supper, which is super easy and just have to wash a few different pots. I organized a couple more pull-out drawers yesterday while the spaghetti was boiling and got rid of a hand full of utensils that we weren't using. Now I kind of know how many drawers I'd need to be satisfied. Today I hope to work on our pantry cabinet (which might take a little while) or our baking cupboard, and the rest of the time packing and playing with Maddy.

I am over-worrying about getting the flu this week. I am super, super scared. Our hotel in MPLS is non-refundable, and not only are we out a few hundred dollars, our trip that we've wanted to go on since beets is postponed, again. So, I am praying that we, (and family, since everyone is around everyone most of the time) can steer clear of it, at least through this weekend! It is a hard thing to let go, though and not worry. Three more days....

lovely weekend

2012-01-09T11:23:00.000-06:00

Kate making her daddy a card for his birthday

Today is Monday and Peter is gone for three days. We are still debating what we should do. Peter already admitted it was almost making him sick having to be away from us for three days. I just hugged him real tight... thankful that he cares to be with us. It's not like any of his meetings are for his leisure. They are all about farming which we always hope are beneficial to the upcoming year. So far they have been... though we know his marketing and crop planning is only due to prayer of God's wisdom! (But the meetings sure do help)

My plan was to just rest this week and have nothing really planned... going to Fargo might take a lot of energy, lugging the kids around and heavy suitcases myself with this growing belly. When we stay in a hotel we always have to bring fans, and many other things even though it's just for a day- but it begins to add up when you have to carry it yourself! I am sure we will go, still... I will just have to keep it moderate today in what I do. I am, for sure, looking forward to a day with nowhere to go and nothing pressing to do. I might make a stop at hobby lobby, or their TJ Max. Can't ever get enough of those stores!

Peter's birthday was on Saturday which was a total success. We had so much fun. Since going through our marriage devotional every night, we have expressed to each other disappointments or frustrations we have. One of his frustrations is that I expect everything to be perfect, which I do admit is a huge struggle for me. So, to not add any pressure to him on his birthday, I made a vow that everything would be as laid back as possible. We would still need to make the house 'presentable' but if the dishes were not done, or there were other non-important things lying around, that would be OKAY! And it was. The night before we did some of the dishes and other things in the kitchen, straightened up the living room and that was it. I got up early and set up his presents, made a birthday card for him, and did a small devotion before everyone got up. Everything was really laid back and fun. We enjoyed time with our friends all day and then had family over at night for supper and dessert. Such a lovely day

busy day

2012-01-05T23:23:00.001-06:00

Tonight we chose to play scrabble over watching a movie. I am proud of that! The score was: 279 to 215.... Peter won. We used up every single scrabble letter. I had the letter Q for the longest time and was not lucky enough to get the U to go with it. It was fun hour though! Today was a really busy day. I tried really hard to get as much done as I could in the morning while Maddy was awake but at home she doesn't do the best when she's alone. "Come play with me" says her little voice. I just can't resist!! I managed to quickly go through one cupboard (glasses and coffee cups) which I threw out a bunch of kids' cups without covers and I went through one cupboard that stores all of our Tupperware. I tried to convince Maddy to help me find covers for them but she did not want anything to do with it. When it was time to make lunch (pancakes) I then tried to convince her it was so much fun to help mix, but she pitched a fit, face down on the hallway floor kicking her legs. I think she was really annoyed that I wasn't giving her the attention she wanted -either reading books or something else one on one. I got the rest of my work done during her two hour nap, which i am so grateful she took a nap today. I cleaned out some of the kids' clothes, 6 drawers of my clothes, and some of my shelves in my closet.

I pretty much had a fit in the car yesterday while going from store to store (after my appointment....which went well at 24 weeks) - My water bottle had spilled a little in my purse, leaving coupons, other papers, and my billfold wet! I could not find a single item in my purse... it was so messy. I am just tired of this clutter. I think it is reasonable to do one thing a day, and sometimes a few, sometimes none. As long as I am being productive through the week and doing extra (other than daily necessary work) I'll be most happy. I realize I need to rest when my body tells me to... and I was okay with that this week.

Tomorrow we are going to go clean the church because it's our month, then we are going to my nephews basketball game at night... somewhere in there I have to make a roast and a cheesecake... hopefully the fumes will not combine. Pulled Pork Cheesecake, anyone? PS... first year without Boston Cream Pie for Peter's birthday.... I am pumped. He made me one for my birthday, and of course he loved his own baking so much he asked me if I'd make him one, too. Uh oh, its time for bed!

organiz(ed)

2012-01-03T08:37:00.000-06:00

That is a big goal of mine this week. I realize it all can't be done in one week, but we are getting a good head start on it! Yesterday I finally put all the kids' toys away in their rooms, cleaned up the living room a bit, and started on the red cabinet we have. I emptied out all the dishes that were in there, reorganized, and added more platters that were stored elsewhere. I cleaned out the kids' hats/gloves- got those washed (those are also stored in the red cabinet) along with coats, whites, and another load of laundry, cleaned out papers, paid bills, etc. I then started on the built in hutch we have. everything was removed, put back neatly, linens folded, things tossed, ah! It feels so good to look in there and see it NEAT!

I also know it is not possible to work like that every day but if I get a couple small areas done a day, I think that it would really be beneficial. Peter and I have started playing scrabble at night, too :) It has been so much fun. We are really getting serious about the kitchen remodel and Peter wants to get it done before the baby is born. I am really, really skeptical about this. I don't want any detail to be rushed, so that might mean a lot of work on my part researching and making sure it is not going to be completely chaotic before baby comes. I will probably have to meet weekly with our designer/planner to make changes. The one thing I am absolutely worried about is the cost. I've heard that if you have planned a certain amount, double or even triple it, - since it usually is a lot higher than you think. I have been pinteresting away this week with ideas on drawers, backsplashes, and other kitchen things. I hope I am not getting my hopes up!

naps, naps, and more naps

2012-01-01T18:14:00.000-06:00

Welcome to 2012 ! It hardly seems real. Today I enjoyed a nice two hour nap. Pretty much every day since Christmas I've had a two hour nap; not to mention the week prior! and probably the week before that. It seems like I've been overly tired for a long time and I'm just waiting to get out of this rut. This week I have an appointment and i'm going to bring up some things like tea, tiredness (maybe my iron is really low) and a couple other things that I'm not remembering right now.

I've also decided that we need to use our time more wisely when Peter is home and getting things done around the house. He cleaned the basement this weekend--sweeping, throwing out trash, washing the appliances like the washer/dryer, fridge, etc. He did such a great job and I am so proud of him. I was so impressed and told him about 5 times. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated it. It wasn't messy to begin with, but just for it to be "clean" makes me feel better. I cleaned out one kitchen cupboard, a closet, and managed to get rid of lots of things we aren't using. We plan to give away, or store a couple things upstairs. I feel like when we have less things, it is more manageable. So, simplifying is on the agenda this week. I'm really, really hoping that my energy level will go back up. Yesterday I took a nap in the morning and another 2 hour nap in the afternoon. To me that is just plain odd! Then today, we slept in until 9 almost, and then another 2 hour nap. Anyway, I'm writing this down because I want to be accountable to do at least one or two cupboards a day/closets, anything. Just any type of decluttering and throwing out. That is my goal!

giddy

2011-12-28T10:17:00.000-06:00

Right now I am feeling like I have the motivation to get the house nice. Sometimes something just comes over me, and I think it was our day shopping trip yesterday. I got to go into the antique mall and look at all their pretty presentations and furniture. Everything is always so beautifully set up. After literally all day shopping, my hips and feet killed so needless to say I was really tired and feel like I rested well last night. Today, clothes are on the agenda, sheets, and of course putting all the gifts away in their proper spots. Maybe even cleaning out some toys that are unnecessary. Santa gave me a bunch of kitchen accessories, like metal spatulas, whisks, silicon spatulas, and when I went shopping yesterday I got some hand towels half priced. I am getting extremely giddy about our possible kitchen redo. Although it is just merely "talk" for now, I am feeling horribly selfish and wanting it asap! We are waiting on bids from contractors and the biggest question is the upcoming year of farming. I felt like God has given us both peace for a kitchen redo-, at least sometime, and if it's not within this year or two, at least we can plan exactly what we want and save if needed. (But I want it soon!)

For my birthday we don't have anything planned because my nephew as a tournament and I don't really want to go shopping again, so I'm not sure what we'll do. My dream birthday would be a clean house and be able to work on some quilting projects or things that I don't normally take time to do. I also requested spaghetti and garlic toast for supper so I am excited about that! Lots of work ahead of me and would like to do some crafts with the kids... so better go!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-22T22:32:00.001-06:00

Christmas Is Here!

2011-12-22T09:40:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. It was a relief to be able to leave the house but because I had to wait until Peter got home from work, I got a late start to finishing my Christmas shopping. It was really nice to be able to shop for a little bit on my own. I had to finish up buying for my parents and some stocking stuffers for Peter. Macy's had a huge one day sale, and there were so many nice dishes I wanted! The sale is done now, but 40% off these pink Martha Stewart dessert plates.I thought about buying them for myself, but thought that might be bad so I put them back. Then I tried to think of who I could buy them for, but I already had gotten gifts! If only I had bought them for a shower or future present. Oh well. Anyway, I went to my appointment and the hygienist kindly told me I have to take better care of my teeth. I wasn't offended... I know what I have to do. When I'm at home, I forget to brush in the morning after I eat. Then I end up going the whole day without brushing. So, my new years resolution is to take better care of my teeth.

I got home around 5:45 and my oldest sister came over to help me with some things. When I came home she was working on that, and Peter had done the dishes, and cleaned out the fridge! It is so nice to have help when we really need it. Now today, I think we will roll out the rest of our cookies and hopefully that will be fun for the kids, and I just have a few other things on my list. So far I'm doing well with my Week of Random Acts of Kindness. Some of the things are out of my comfort level, but then it feels so good after i'm done. Here's to hoping/praying the day goes well today.... we're celebrating our family Christmas tonight.

Our home, December 20th, 2011.

building up the church

2011-12-19T00:35:00.002-06:00

I can tell this week that the baby is really growing. I have been more tired than normal and still experiencing quite a lot of kicks....mostly lower which tells me baby is still breech. I just don't know what to expect! I am a little worried that I'll have to deliver via C-Section but if that's what's best, I've got to be trusting. Plus, not everything is going to go my way. Monday afternoon we went to make homemade root beer. I didn't really help; just went along for support and a photo op. Tuesday night we went to a basketball game, which doesn't happen too often.

Wednesday I hosted my Girls Night Out group. I can admit that I was not excited for all the work of hosting so I tried to downplay a lot of things.... I didn't care as much about housework, but enough to show that it can be neat... I made food that was incredibly easy. I opted to buy bread instead of make it.... that saved loads of time and energy washing dishes, and I even took a nap that day, which I wouldn't ever dream of doing. Even Peter noticed my lack of motivation and energy... I didn't even get the Netflix movie sent out--at all this week. All I had to do was throw it in our mail box. I didn't even have to put on a stamp! Or better yet... I could have handed it to Peter to bring to the mailbox. Ha. Anyway, I was beyond blessed after I had been griping to God and to Peter about being hospitable and how it was just another thing to have to do this week (because I was so physically drained). I had tons of fun. We had lots of things to talk about, it was so nice to just catch up with everyone, and when I went to serve dessert and clear plates, they said "We're doing dishes for you this year". And that was that. I nearly choked. I sputtered in disbelief, literately. It just really showed me how much God blesses us when we do what He asks of us. Not a coincident, Nancy Leigh DeMoss was talking about our role in hospitality pretty much the whole week. I got to listen to some of it but not as much as I would have liked to, Again, it made me ashamed of my griping. I got to share the devotion that Peter and I are going through each night (Night Light, by James Dobson) and a few asked to see the book. I also started a home journal within the last year, and though it is NOT intended for compliment ( just a record for events or guests that walk through the door) I was overwhelmed with nice notes everyone had written. There was especially one who had written about the devotion I had talked about and how she'd love to grow closer to God with her husband. Like I said... a blessing.

Then today we went to my nieces 13rh birthday party at the bowling alley. It is really a good chance to be able to see my brother who just lives in TR. We especially don't make the time to go and see them and I wish we did more of that. They visit a lot more than we do. Anyway, so we went to church in TR too, and I took these pictures. Every single time I go there I am moved to the point of almost weeping tears of joy. The music is so powerful and I just enjoy everyone's heart for Christ. I am glad I can attend two very challenging churches, meaning they give examples of how you can apply the message to your life, which is key! Epiphany Station on facebook.

Anyway, baby was kicking up a storm before bed so I couldn't quite fall asleep. Plus, every time I've had kind of a "oooh....." moment with God, I feel like he nudges me to blog about it. My ooh moment today was being challenged in church. Pastor Jeff talked about practical ways we GIVE. Tis the season..... but most of us think of what material gifts we can give. And just because we have a giving heart to bless others, which God loves, he also loves when we can give in ways that build up people. Spending less on things we might not need (like 20 gifts for the kids who already have bins and bins of toys) but maybe giving a gift to someone who needs it. Anyway, my drawback in sharing of course is my fear that people might be annoyed of boasting or thinking I am trying to build up or glorify myself. Wrong! I was encouraged by tonight's reading (which i re-read 1 Corinthians 13-15) and it just talked about building up the church. Building up the church. The church is us.

On the other hand, the one who prophesies speaks to people for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation. 14: 3

I think it might have been the commentary I read but basically it said if we do not share, we cannot challenge or encourage other believers. So, I hope you feel challenged, too, to do random acts of kindness, with Jesus in mind. This isn't much but even today when I was standing in line, I challenged myself to just do something nice for someone... who could I help? so I let this man go ahead of me in line, and I did it with such joy in my heart. It just felt so good. And honestly, he was shocked. Isn't that sad? We need to do more nice things. My goal this week? One act of kindness per day for 5 days. I've already got a whole page of ideas!

blessings

2011-12-13T08:52:00.001-06:00

this morning my time with Jesus was sweet. I went to my triad last night and admitted my failings of reading regularly and also my discouragements. I'm feeling discouraged in sharing the music that God puts on my heart in church as I know some think it might bring glory to the person who is singing, and not to God, which I can understand.

It is fairly hard for me to write a post about this because in so many ways I feel like I am not qualified to sing. There have been more than half of my experiences singing in church or weddings, etc, that I've come off the stage and cried because of how badly I thought I did. It really is a true story. If there is anyone less proud, it is me. There was even one time I was singing in our worship team (right in the sanctuary) that I felt Satan say as plain as day "What are you doing up here.... you can't sing." and I was blown away. Every time I say to myself I'm just not going to sing anymore, I keep getting invitations that are hard to turn down. No matter how much I feel I am not good enough or worry that when I do sing, people might think Why on earth is she up there... does she think she can sing?, I feel like I still get opportunities and that God might still want me to pursue it, just even for the sharing part of it. No, I don't have a super good voice like Kari Jobe, and no, I am definitely not proud, but sometimes we have to do what God calls us to do, especially when he puts a love in our hearts for it.

"What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church."

1 Corinthians 14: 26

Another verse (15-17, Chapter 14) talks about how we all have gifts, but what good are they if they are in our minds and no one can say "Amen" to our thanksgiving? We may be giving thanks, but the other person is not edified. That is the whole point of having spiritual gifts! So that others might be blessed!!

Anyway, that was just an encouragement to me. I want to share this with my triad group because we need to share when we are encouraged so that others might be encouraged too! It just really filled a void for me this morning... that even when I am not faithful in my readings to God, he is always so faithful to me in answering my concerns about my services here on earth. Such a blessing this morning, truly.

crochet

2011-12-11T21:48:00.000-06:00

I really wish I could just whip up a hat. But crocheting really is tough to learn! I am getting the hang of it, though.... so that is the main thing. My ultimate goal is to make a newborn hat for the baby.... and I plan to make it blue. Not because I think/know that it is a boy.... I just think it would be fun to have something blue made. We have so many girl things.... plus, maybe I can talk one of my church friends to knit me a baby girl hat if we have a girl! I am pretty sure that it will take me the whole 4+ months to make a boy hat. I tried starting a hat the other day, and it went pretty good... I just have this certain pattern I want to go by and I am not sure what it means... so for now I need to practice my chains and get good at those. I decided to make a scarf with this piece. It is about 5x the size of this photo now.

Here I am, at 20 weeks. Half way done. I know I have no right to complain and am extremely grateful (I really am) that I am carrying a child.... but I am also very excited to have my body back. It hasn't been much fun to sit or even relax lately, and I have a long ways to go, Lord willing. That is my hope anyway... I'd much rather keep the baby inside an uncomfortable belly than in an incubator. I am experiencing different things with this pregnancy, including a very, very itchy chest! It is so weird to me. Plus, having an older child means listening to funny comments. Kate asked me if I had a baby in my butt (har har) and also commented on my polka-dot face. Neither really bothered me too much because I know with some extra work I can get back to my old self after the baby is born.

And here are the thankful journals we made at church Saturday afternoon. It has been fun already to write in them. I am also using it as a new prayer/church notebook for notes on sermons and other thoughts. The one I have now is too personal to bring everywhere. That is all for now... I got to take a 2 hour nap today and i am still tired. Hopefully I can sleep well tonight!

Baby shoot

2011-12-06T20:44:00.000-06:00

I didn't have much time at about 35 minutes but I think we got what we needed!

I took over 100 but these are the favorites so far... not done editing.

I would have loved to do more.

its a..........

2011-12-06T20:22:00.000-06:00

No, we didn't find out, but everything with baby turned out good today. I went into the ultrasound room preparing myself for something wrong with the heart, lungs, etc. They did actually look at the heart for quite a while, trying to take pictures, but turns out baby was just in a bad position. The ultrasound took a whole hour and then another 45 minutes just to see Dr. Brown. We quickly ate and I stopped at Joannes for 10 minutes and went home. Before that, though, my good friend Melissa had her baby a few weeks early (in the wrong town!) and so she asked me if I could take some photos of little Silas. It worked out perfectly because my appointment wasn't until 10am and we got there around 9:05. It wasn't the ideal amount of time at all-- in fact I know I could have gotten a bunch of different shots but I captured what she wanted and went on my way. I even got some of big sis and little brother. Aw, a combo I would love some day. (heart)

mini photo shoots

2011-12-04T22:05:00.000-06:00

love my family

2011-12-03T09:05:00.000-06:00

A lot has happened in this last few days. We went to Fargo on Thursday after school and Peter let me look at a couple stores by myself. (wow!) We were on the hunt specifically for bunk beds, a recliner, and track lighting for the living room. We picked out bunk beds, the recliner I think we'll do, and track lighting is still a big "if" for us. We just can't seem to find one we like. If I like it, Peter doesn't, or it's too short, etc. The trip with the kids seemed very long, and it was really hard to be able to look at things with them. I mostly felt bad that they had to shop all day but most everything we did, they found something fun with it. For instance, the bunk bed shopping was really fun for them because they got to run around and try out all the beds and pretend they were sleeping, etc. They were just too wild and it was hard to remind them that it was a store and not our home! We visited Peter's aunt and so they got to play at least an hour there with all of her toys, and when we looked at recliners, they had a kid play area there and they seemed to have lots of fun. I tried to remember to sanitize after each public visit. They also got lots of treats and kate even got some pop. We swam at the hotel yesterday morning and they both got to sleep in the same bed. I think Maddy kept Kate up though, so they were really tired yesterday. As we unpacked our stuff last night, we somehow forgot our temperpedic pillows and my body pillow :( I hope we can get them back... when we called no one had brought it up yet.

Peter had some things to return in the mall yesterday and so I took the girls so he could shop a little by himself, and we happened to find Santa, so we brought them there. Last year we failed to bring them so I thought it was a good idea to bring them, even if it was only the 2nd of December!

Today we plan to finish decorating the outside of the house for Christmas (garland, some lights, window boxes) I am really excited to get that done. Plus the house is kind of messy so it will be good to get that cleaned up a bit. Everyone seemed extra tired today since the kids slept til 8:30-8:45 and Peter is still sleeping now at 9am. I am glad for him. He is such a generous and loving guy. I feel like I am so undeserving. Even though I do feel like at times I do a lot for him, he does show me in appreciation in his own way. When we went through Grand Forks on our way to Fargo, he gave me some spending money for things I'd want to buy-- I actually teared up and started to cry. He let me shop for 45 minutes by myself, and honestly-- all day yesterday he kept telling me how stunning and beautiful I was. Doesn't that seem like a dream?! I wuv him!

already here

2011-11-28T00:27:00.000-06:00

Right now it is a little past 12am and I cannot sleep. Even though my body is aching and uncomfortable and my eyes are burning from tiredness, I am wide awake. Today has been a restful day, no doubt, yet I can't seem to shut off my wandering, stressed mind. Tonight we put up our tree, and though it was fun, it really wasn't. I realized what an impatient mother I am and have started praying that I can be more laid back. Decorating the tree was not enjoyable. Because I love things perfect, I could not string my beads and lights perfectly around the tree as I'd hoped; meanwhile, the kids were recklessly getting into all kinds of ornaments, breaking tops off, and making a mess. Kate was excited.... she wanted to decorate the tree. I don't blame her. I was, very much so, ripping out the last two strands of hair on my head just to get the girls to listen and be patient. I finally just sat down on my chase and silently cried. When Kate noticed, she said "Why are you sad?" and I just shrugged. I shrugged because there was no reason for my mood and grumpiness and it was silly to be upset that I'm a moron and can't light up a tree! She then said with a big smile, "When I am sad, music helps me feel better!"

It was easier and more enjoyable from then on but my prayer tonight for sure was to just enjoy our activities. So what if it's a mess. So what if it didn't go as planned. Part of everyone's problem these days is having high expectations. Decorating was supposed to be fun, and I ruined part of it by letting my cramps and controlling mood get in the way. I need to find some scripture that will help remind me of this when I am in certain situations.

So, I can't sleep because I am thinking about all that happened tonight/today, all the things I have to do this week, and last but not least, blogging it. Usually when I can't sleep, writing helps calm me down and it's like it erases from my mind for the night. Tomorrow I am hoping I can be laid back, get work done but also do fun things with the kids and just plain ol' enjoy our day. Isn't that what really matters? Yikes, I've got a lot to work on!

success

2011-11-23T21:53:00.000-06:00

Today was a very successful day, but I am oh so tired. My body is aching right now because I have been on my feet all day, especially the afternoon. This morning I left early for my scheduled ultrasound appointment. I ended up in the waiting room for a half hour before I was seen but surprisingly after that, it went very quickly. I got to see the baby! I saw the little head... baby was moving alot and it appears that for the first time ever, I have a breech baby. I am fully aware that it changes probably often, but that explains why I have such low movement. The tech told me that the foot was right by the cervix. I am hoping that is why I am having such cramps.

I went to Target after and got a few gifts boughten and some cute wrapping paper along with some groceries. Vanilla Almond milk landed in my cart unfortunately... I feel like I should try it again especially with my oatmeal. I unloaded groceries, got the kids to bed, and right away started on supper. It took all day. Also made french bread and rolls for our brunch we're having tomorrow. I tried to clean as much as possible and when the kids went to bed, i was on the couch! I am feeling the effects of a pregnant body, that is for sure. It was so lovely to see Peter's reaction to the food I made him for supper. He kept shaking his head in amazement. It really was worth it.
I'll write more later but I also wanted to express my gratitude for such a good day. I am really looking forward to spending the weekend with my family!

short

2011-11-21T14:14:00.000-06:00

well I guess i have to update this blog! I can't recall the last time I wrote in here. I had peter take a picture of me the other day but sadly it was cold and getting late and it didn't turn out how I'd hoped. I feel like my belly looks much bigger than this pose but it will have to do. I'm working on my 18th week this week... and i've had lots of cramps. I feel awful. I mostly just feel so delicate. What if I do too much? What if I lift something too heavy? It has been worrisome but I do still feel movement so that is a good sign.

At this point that's all I've really got. My eyes are starting to drop so I should try to take a power nap. I heard Maddy squeak and occasionally hear kate so not sure naps are in order today..for any of us!

first snowfall

2011-11-15T20:34:00.000-06:00

Today...friends, was a good day. Since Sunday had been another great day, I should have known Monday would be a day of discouragement. Nothing really went wrong, my spirit just seemed down. I felt worthless again, much like my feelings a month ago. It was just one of those days that I had to really just shake it off. It finally got better once I brought Maddy to ECFE and dropped Kate off at a friends house, and got to see other moms. I was happy that Maddy got to go to 'school' and do some fun stuff with just me. Usually it is all about Kate, so it was really nice to have a night with her. I also got to talk to Kate's teachers and they had nothing but great things to say about her, and told me lots of neat details, like who she plays with, what she likes to do... etc. All things that Kate doesn't normally share. I do hear a lot about a friend that she plays with, so i can put two and two together most days. When I got home, I listened/watched a Beth Moore dvd while exercising on my elliptical. That felt so good!

Today I got to spend more time with Maddy and cleaned the house off and on throughout the morning. It was so pretty to see the snow falling outside while I had an actual clean living room, clean dining room, and candles lit in the house. I finished my meal plan for the week on Monday night so I was prepared for the meals today and worked ahead for supper. By the way, supper was a hit. Not with the kids, of course, but with Peter! He raved over both meals, which made me feel so good because earlier I had prayed that I'd be able to bless and encourage him. If you hadn't read before, one of his love languages is making meals for him (service) and so this was even encouraging to me that I could do a good job. When he got home from work, we had some coffee, a snack, and played outside. Following supper we roasted marshmallows and had homemade hot cocoa. What a day.

already monday

2011-11-14T08:37:00.000-06:00

This weekend was fun but it went so fast. I feel like the baby is really going through some major growth spurt because it has surely made me very tired lately, much more tired than I'm used to. Before I really tried to fight taking naps in the afternoons because it was my only chance to get a few extra things done, but this week I really couldn't do it. This morning, the kids are sleeping in and I am still very tired so I am afraid naps will be pretty much non existent. They've been napping so well lately, too. Maybe it's just the weather!

On saturday we stuck around the house most of the day, and after naps headed to my mother in laws to visit Chelsie who was around for the weekend. The girls were asking to go there all day. We ate supper and hung out, and then when we got home we got to have date night! It was so needed. We've really been working hard at being helpful to one another, showing love to eachother in ways that the other needs it; for me its being helpful around the house, for him it is making him food/snacks and being loving, like giving him a hug. Sunday was fun and convicting, our usual eggs and bacon lunch was spectacular (it's what i crave these days) naps, straighten up the house for 10 minutes, harvest banquet at our church, and home again to more discussion with Peter. He also did the dishes for me! It is almost too good to be true. I am loving our new look on being a servant for each other and this morning before work he attempted to write me a love note before leaving.... until I ruined it by waking up. He is really trying.... I hope God blesses him.

I slept great until about 5 when my dream awoke me. I had a dream about a mouse crawling in my chair under the blankets. So naturally when I woke up, I really did think there was a mouse in the bed. So i was shuffling covers, which woke up Peter, which made me wide awake, which made me aware of my cold, which kept me up because I had to blow my nose every 5 seconds, which also kept Peter up. I felt so bad. It seems when we pray for a good nights sleep, it never happens, which then makes me wonder if it is Satan trying to mess that up so that we will be upset with God. So when Peter got up to go to the bathroom I put my hand on his side of the bed and prayed over it, also reciting "greater is he who lives in me, than he who lives in the world". All better. Well i must go. It is 8:30 and the kids are still sleeping so I am pondering waking them up! Have a good day!

discipline

2011-11-11T14:25:00.000-06:00

we're almost done with the bedroom. We didn't work on it yesterday because we both were exhausted, but all we have left are the shelves in our closets to dust and hoping to throw out some clutter. By the time nap time comes, all my motivation seems to slip out the door and I end up on the couch either taking a short snooze or trying to catch up on projects on the computer/photos, or any readings i've started. Most of that ends up with falling asleep from seriously drowsy eyes-book/computer on my lap.

I've also decided today it is important to wash some windows in the next couple days. I haven't showered yet today and probably won't get to, but I am hoping that I can get past the energy flop to go outside with the kids and do a few windows while they play outside. We also planned to pick the remaining leaves that are on the ground or still on the trees. But for right now, I am quite content in resting to build up any motivation I have for the rest of the day. This morning we had fun going through Abram and Sarai and their big move. We did a couple of activities and the kids enjoyed that. I also planned to decorate some cookies with them, nothing fancy, just sprinkles. It's for their fun, not mine. It is really important to have some fun activities and some type of structure otherwise the days seem awfully long. I keep thinking about this verse in proverbs: " A servant pampered from youth will turn out to be insolent.". (disrespectful) I feel like the Lord has shown me the same with children. So many parents pamper their children, don't want to see them sad because they have to do work, or it's easier to just let the kids do what they want instead of arguing (guilty of the last one!) . Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire. Cleaning up is discipline. My kids need to know that they need to clean up their mess, and this goes for when they are at others' homes too. I remember having lots of play dates and none of the parents except maybe one or two would help clean up the toys. Having 8 or more kids can produce a ton of mess and that is not fun at all for a mom who has to clean it up by herself. It is just respectful, so I want my kids to be respectful and know their jobs. So, that is what we're working on this week. hardcore. And if they lie to me that they've cleaned up, they get disciplined.

What else is God showing me this week..... he is showing me that my home needs to be a place of tranquility for my husband. Who wants to come home to a chaotic house? Not me. I want my husband to want to come home, so I need to make sure that it is that way. How, i'm not sure, since it seems the kids get super wound up that their dad is home and start crying about little things and what not. That is something we'll be working on. Well, I am planning to do some reading in my book before the kids get up and then I suppose we'll go outside... though I am so nice and warm on my heating pad right now!

{star student}

2011-11-10T21:07:00.000-06:00

Kate was the star student today. She talked about it all week. I brought in a photo of her, and one of the whole family so that she could post it on the star student bulletin board. She got to bring a favorite toy (she brought a book) , a favorite snack, and she got to be a special girl today. Today was a super productive day though I still tried as much as I could to enjoy Maddy. We worked on some fun stuff, played upstairs, and just plain hung out. It always is really fun to just enjoy one of the kids. During nap time I worked on some projects for the harvest banquet at our church on Sunday and met my goal. It made me feel good that I could actually start and complete something without giving up because of zero energy.

Tonight though, I plan to get to bed early to catch up on sleep. This morning I brought kate to school and when I got back, Peter was about to leave for work and I got to enjoy another 45 minutes to myself. Maddy slept in really late and I was worried so I checked on her. She was just sound asleep. I did some reading in my new bible study series at church "Lies Women Believe" and it has been really comforting to me at this time. I just love how God shows up and shows how much he cares. Just the other day I was telling Peter how discouraged I was about going to my triad because it seems like such a struggle to find a day that works for everyone. Then when I get to bible study, one of the girls explained how God had been reminding her of how many memories she had growing up in the church. She was happy until she realized that she was stripping her kids of these same memories they could be having. They haven't been going to church in a long while. This triad is worth it. Look how much growth is happening! God encouraged me immediately and I was no longer dissapointed. Anyway, I have some triad reading to do so I better do that and then Peter and I will do our marriage devotion and OFF. TO . BED. I'm so tired!!

a room a day

2011-11-08T22:34:00.001-06:00

oh nuts. I have a cold again. My nose is usually plugged and now I am starting to have an itchy throat. Depending on the severity of the plugged nose, I might take that over coughing. Coughing was so miserable the two whole months i had it. It just never seemed to give in and every time I coughed, I felt my whole body ache and I'd especially get cramps. I was so grateful for last night because I was positive I'd have to sleep on the couch, but I fell asleep fairly quickly and didn't cough too much. I am pretty sure having 3 pillows to prop my head up helped.

Today was my 15 week appointment. I mostly feel pregnant every day but sometimes when I look in the mirror I really have to take a second look. I feel the strains of pregnancy but not many kicks for reminders. Today I felt a whole lot more. It's usually at night, (like right now :) ) but today while in G.F., I felt some too. Today had its ups and downs but overall it was pretty fun. My appointment went well, I got a flu shot, I got some maternity clothing (though I got three things, I think I will take them back to get a larger size so that I can grow into them, depending on how baggy it is. They fit perfect now with a little room to grow but I'd like them to fit 'til the end of my pregnancy.......wish I would have thought of that then!) I got a shirt, another pair of pants, and some black pants for church. To this day I own two maternity jeans, two maternity shirts, and one dress pants. I probably don't need much more but it is nice to have some variety, especially during the holiday get-to-togethers. I really can't wear anything snug... I get cramps.

I also purchased a bunch of things for our harvest banquet on sunday and plan to do a project for that. We'll see how much time I get. I picked up a few different cards I plan to use for Christmas cards (I like to see how they turn out before I order 200!), got some things dry-cleaned, and got lots of groceries. Tomorrow I visit with two friends (at different times) and then have my bible study at night. We had the girls pick up their toys tonight~ extra well~ and I did the dishes/made supper while Peter brought the girls outside. After the girls went to bed, we worked on our bedroom. Honestly, we dusted furniture, washed walls, and took everything dusty out of the room. This will most likely be a 3 day project (or 4 or 5) but we felt it was especially necessary because we've been sleeping very poorly lately. Tomorrow we will take all furniture and vacuum behind furniture and under beds, curtains are in the wash now, tomorrow bedding (which is done every 1-2 weeks anyway) and sometime maybe tomorrow or the next we will take everything off shelves and dust and put back. This means we'll get to throw out a bunch of stuff (hopefully) Yesterday I threw out a ton of magazines. I tried not to look at them because I just knew i'd think "oh, I'll read that soon" and I never do. I did keep one though... so, tomorrow, or thursday I really need to throw or sell some of the shoes/purses i have in my closet and it will be nice to have the clothes more organized. I bought two more tubs for the storage of clothing for both maddy and I, and those will hopefully go upstairs sometime this week. Ah, motivation. I love it, but it is sure tiring. Washing walls really made me realize that it doesn't take very long. I might just do a room a day.

leggings

2011-11-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

who knew i would sort of like leggings. I don't love them because I am still getting used to them, but I am warming up to the idea. It is mostly because I get very crampy wearing maternity jeans or any jeans that jar into my stomach. Leggings are just more comfortable -- IF i have good boots or flats to wear with them. I really am trying to drink more water but I just never remember. I have an appointment on Tuesday so I am going to make my dr. give me an in-office ultra-sound. I only get cramps when I sit. So, that means I can't sit at the table, car, or sit on the floor with my kids (without getting cramps). The nurses told me to avoid that position. How in the world can I do that?! Praying everything is okay.

Today was a fun day, especially in the morning. I got a few deals while shopping in a nearby town. It mostly just felt good to get out. I'm definitely looking forward to the extra hour of sleep tonight. Hoping my girls will enjoy it too.

got it.

2011-11-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

I think we caught the culprit. I hope. It all started after nap. I went into the kitchen and STILL saw a bunch of fruit flies buzzing around. what in the world. I really took a huge sigh and decided it was time. Time to start cleaning out the kitchen and finding this decaying fruit or vegetable that is causing these flies to reproduce. So i began with the pot rack. I took everything off the top and cleaned it and sprayed vinegar on it. Then I started spraying the flies with the mixture and one by one they'd fall off the ceiling, I think dead. Maybe they flew away, I don't know. It's not like it was an overwhelming amount. These suckers were hiding! That is why it was so shocking to me each time a bowl of dead flies would appear; hundreds of dead flies. where are they coming from?!

Peter got home around 5pm or maybe even after and asked if we could go outside. I then asked him if I could stay inside to try to get rid of this fly issue. So I cleaned most of the counter-tops, the table, the cabinet doors, and got rid of a lot of junk. I was going to go into the garage for something and noticed a whole bunch of flies in that room. what in the world, again!!!?? This door is always closed, how are they getting there? So, after killing them both with water and a fly swatter, I left and later returned with a basket of clothes. MORE. oh. my. word. Peter told me to not worry about it and save my energy for something else. Easy for him! This is a failure for me. Fail! We are dirty slobs, I think. I went downstairs to put the clothes in and turned the corner............... and low and behold, a dirty, rotten sack of potatoes and tons of fruit flies feeding on it! I yelled for Peter... actually I sprinted upstairs and yelled for him and impatiently asked him to come down right away. He had just started a book for the girls and said he needed to finish. I was excited yet extremely grossed out and couldn't believe he was willing to wait another second to get rid of the flies. So, poor Peter ended up cleaning out the bag and sanitizing everything around it.

I hope this is the end. It really needs to be. I just need to focus on getting back to the way it was before pregnancy and keeping it that way. I feel now that since Peter has watched the girls, he's taken more responsibility and is helpful. Last night in our devotional specifically on marriage that we've been doing, the main point was that actions speak louder than words. He can tell me a hundred times that he loves me but somehow the things he does for me speaks much louder!

good

2011-10-31T14:43:00.001-05:00

I had such a good weekend. I left Thursday morning and arrived in Bemidji about 3pm. We stopped to shop, get a few groceries, and eat before we started our quilting weekend. When I say "we" I mean my mother in law. It was really a much needed get away. Though I felt really sad to leave the kids behind and especially Peter (he was REALLY SAD! You should have seen his face!) We are hardly ever apart. I know we need breaks from each other but I was sad that it wasn't us on our getaway, which is hopefully soon. Our annual trip to Fargo will be fun and we've picked out a few dates with my mother in law that might work. I am also not used to sewing all day so I wondered how that might go. The time went really quickly and we of course took breaks to each dinners, snack, and have coffee breaks. Even a nap.

I think the funnest part of it all was just getting away from any and all negativity. I don't remember one thing about the trip that was negative. I could be myself and everyone accepted me. That was the best feeling ever. I finished my quilt the first day I was there and then worked on the backing the next morning. I love that when you send in your quilt, you don't have to worry about putting the batting and the backing on. They do it for you--that is the toughest part for me. It always seems to bunch up. I also made two pillows (and would have been more had I bought enough material) and a table runner. I also have a coffee table runner I plan to make soon that seems really easy. After quilting with the girls I feel confident about doing work on my own and making another quilt.

I came back to a new marriage devotional Peter had bought for us, a phenomenal church service and exceptional church fellowship. Peter was overly helpful and we had so many good talks. I felt like I was extremely excited to see and talk with the girls as well. I anticipated last night that Satan would try to tear down my high and I was right. This time though, I felt like I had the full armor of God.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

I was ready this time! Fully knowing Satan would use anything he could, I was ready. I've written down a verse and will memorize today to help:

You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

random

2011-10-26T16:12:00.000-05:00

This is going to be very random, but the last few days I have been feeling much better than I ever have. On Monday however, I ended up eating way too much and had an upset stomach the first part of the night making it impossible to sleep. That is really my only complaint.

I had a really good bible study (s) this week; one being Beth Moore and I can't even tell you how may things I underlined and felt that God was really talking just to me. How much encouragement means - I could totally relate to that. Another thing was just having hope and realizing that Gods ways are always going to be right, and who are we to question him when we know nothing about it! So that was also very humbling. Job 38:1-2, and Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 were both very powerful to me. I've memorized "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit rots the bones" and now I am onto "Where there are many words, there is much folly". I can't exactly find it in proverbs but that is what i'm memorizing. It is so true and i've remembered it especially with my talks with Peter.

I'm trying very hard not to take naps during nap time, mostly because I tend to get very groggy and it seems hard to take just a 20 minute nap. I end up sleeping really hard and that makes it impossible to get through a hard sleep cycle in that amount of time. So, I've MADE myself get up and do some organizing. It is completely overwhelming to think of all the organizing I'd have to do before I am satisfied, but.... one section at a time. Yesterday I went through the living room and brought most of the toys back upstairs (where they belong!), and set out baskets of things that belonged in Kates room and our room. Today I worked on the magazine situation. This summer I bought actual magazine holders so I put all the magazines that seemed to be floating around or resting in places they didn't belong. Then I cleaned under the coffee table-- all the old albums that just need to be put upstairs. I went through the rest of the photos I'd ordered awhile ago and put them in the kids' albums, along with changing out some of the really old photos in frames. I then went to the Hoosier cabinet we have and emptied out drawers, mail, etc. I threw away a lot of stuff (forced myself) and now just to put them in proper places. That always seems to be the biggest chore. I can't decide which place next I'll do. It should probably be the kitchen but I fear that'd take months!

Tomorrow I leave for a couple days to quilt with my mother in law. I am excited to go, yet of course sad because I will miss the kids and Peter. I don't want this to be my only chance for a get-away; I do hope to get to go shopping with some of my friends one day, just for a day, so I hope Peter is willing to watch the kids every now and then. It will be nice to spend some time with my mother in law, too, since I hardly even see her these days. I'm hoping to pretty much finish my quilt and work on some pillows. Please pray for good sleep for me... I always have trouble at home, in my own home, so I can't imagine how it will go somewhere else. Also pray for baby. I feel like Satan has been trying to scare me that something is wrong with the baby. Just because I haven't loved the pregnancy and I think if something were to happen God would tell me...."be thankful in every situation". I just shouldn't take for granted a pregnancy. That is all... hoping for a nice, relaxing weekend.

a little help

2011-10-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

We ended up having a really nice time at the pumpkin patch on Saturday. I really thought I had missed my chance bringing the kids there and felt even worse when I wasn't able to go with Kate and her class. But, it was finally something to look forward to, and even better, we got to spend the day with some friends from church.

a picture of me and peter out in the corn maze. Below are some other favorites from the day. The rest I am saving for another time... once I can get caught up on editing.

Yesterday as I talked to a friend from church and as she prayed over me I felt hope again, finally, that I can overcome these pregnancy blues i'm in. It's not something that I can do alone, but with the prayers of others and myself asking to change my heart and attitude, it might be something that I can totally get out of. I think also, just being in Gods word and totally surrounding myself with scripture and bible studies (hoping i can keep up with them!) will also benefit me. I realized I am overwhelmed with material, as I just started a new book, "Not a Fan" and now starting a new series in our church bible study "Lies Young Woman Believe", the Beth Moore series, and the triad readings we do each week. I am really hoping I can find someone to come and clean once a week or twice a month (reasonably priced) to take some of that burden off me so I can focus more on my kids and my bible studies. If you know of anyone... let me know! also just being able to be recharged once in a while with time by myself or help with cleaning or a break from making supper totally helps. Yesterday Kelsey my sister came over and spent time with the kids and I napped while Peter was grilling supper. I can't even thank them enough.

craft time

2011-10-21T21:21:00.000-05:00

love.

done

2011-10-20T10:07:00.000-05:00

The night before beets ended I spent 45 minutes on the kitchen before bed. From 9pm-9:45 I scrubbed dishes, loaded dishes, cleaned counter-tops, cleared the kitchen table, swept floors, and straightened up. When it was finished, it felt so good to see a clean kitchen. It really gave me hope. I had also been working on the mountains of clothes that had accumulated -most are still not put away and now i have two big basket fulls again that piled up. Peter came home at 6pm yesterday and he offered to help make supper. I cannot even tell you how much that brought my spirits up. I began to hug him and make sure he knew how helpful it was and how much he can contribute to helping me feel better in my 'situation'. Yesterday I was really planning to go on the elliptical for only 15 minutes, but I made the mistake of sitting down and then eventually taking a mere 1.5 hour nap. I was still groggy when the kids got up and I really didn't snap out of it until 6:30. at 9, I was practically falling asleep again while reading the book "Not A Fan". So far, so good. I only got to 30 pages but so far it had a lot of really good examples that if I were in a conversation with someone who was seeking God, i'd be able to tell them the difference between someone that is just a 'fan' of god, and not a follower.

We went to bed around 10 and I fell asleep fairly quickly which doesn't happen very much. I slept through the night except the time Maddy woke up at 5. At least it was only once this night. Over the last week (teething I think) she's been getting up once or twice a night crying. This happened when she got her other molar, and eventually after more than a week and a half, I had to just let her cry a night because she just wanted to snuggle for a little while. It sure felt good though, even if i was tired.

This morning I slept til 8 which felt so nice. I tried to clean the kitchen a little bit while making oatmeal for me and the girls when I found something very disgusting. A good thing, though. I had asked my mother in law how to get rid of fruit flies, and she said put some dish soap in a bowl with water and some vinegar. So, i had put a few different bowls up around the kitchen and yes, it would catch maybe 5-10 in each bowl. Well, I put one up on the shelf where I hang my pots and pans, and I checked it this morning.... there must have been 30 or so in there! Disgusting. But, now there are 30 less flying around. Yup, it is really embarrassing for me to admit that we had that many fruit flies in the house, but its true. The kitchen was not kept up and it got really bad. There are still a lot in the kitchen but I am working on catching them. My main problem is , once I get the kitchen cleaned up, then I want to bake. Like yesterday, it was spotless and then i wanted to make banana and blueberry bread. Well, no! I stopped myself because that's how i get behind. We don't need it right now. So, unfortunately instead, last night peter wanted to make pudding, but we didn't have any, so what do I make. Cupcakes with chocolate frosting. Ok, they were excellent, but now there's a mess i've got to deal with. :) It will get done. Mind over matter. I suppose I better go now.. It felt nice to share what's been going on the past couple days. Beets. Are. Done, and it feels really good. I am praying they can finish quickly what they need to before next weekend so I can go to a quilting retreat. Its the only time I think I'd finally finish kate's quilt... mainly b/c i would be forced to work on it and not have any interruptions! Plus, it would be nice to interact with adults. More later!

song of the week

2011-10-17T21:29:00.000-05:00

First of all I'd like to share the song that's been on my heart this week. I think it is crucial for me to explain why this song is important to me. Through these last 8-9 weeks, I have been discouraged by the pregnancy and just being sick all the time with morning sickness along with sickness in our family for a few weeks and just not being able to be my true self. My mood is off, I am more emotional, more tired, -just not myself. So, I was feeling sorry for myself. I remember one specific time coming home from bible study and crying to Peter how I felt and he said "God made you strong to get through things like this by yourself so you can continue to serve others." And it's true. No matter what season I am in, I'm still called to serve. All I needed was some encouragement and I opened my eyes and found ways to serve. And how? The power of the holy spirit.

I have been praying lately that I would just somehow get out of this funk I'm in and like the song, be awakened. I just am tired of focusing on myself. Here are some of the lyrics. Just really all so true what I'm going through:

In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

[Verse 2:]
Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

[Chorus:]
For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

[Verse 3:]
In Your presence
In Your power
Awakening

oh boy. So powerful. So, then at church my pastor's sermon was about the holy spirit and basically just being awakened. He talked about Zacchaeus the tax collector, and how he was a pretty mean and greedy man, with a love for money in his heart. It took the holy spirit to awaken his soul to change his ways. I don't really know what God is up to, but I'm liking it. Even though it is truly truly hard for me to mourn over kids that really are suffering and DYING because of starvation... if it takes that to open my eyes -- I mean, it's a reality. I can choose to accept that it's really happening or I can turn my head and move on with life. That's a choice that a lot of people have to make each day. But if we choose to let it affect us, maybe the outcome will change? I let myself fall to the ground, sobbing to God on my knees asking him WHY... help these poor kids!! please. It is completely humbling and I don't do it often, sadly, to get on my knees in desperation. In complete surrender. I am willing to give my last cent so that one child can eat instead of waiting every 48 hours like these kids! It wasn't her day to eat. Can you even imagine? Oh my word, I can't. I really can't. Use me Lord.

shabby chic

2011-10-17T16:22:00.000-05:00

It has been so fun to see my shabby chic party all over pinterest (in fact I get a ton of traffic from pinterest on my blog) and then now to see it on other wedding sites is so much fun. More later.

tea for 1

2011-10-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

so anyway, this is what my facebook has looked like for 2 weeks now. They keep saying it is going to go "live" soon and it never does. That kind of stinks. Only those who have added this 'timeline' application can see other profiles who have done this... I really like it because then it doesn't show all the places I've visited and commented on. I really dislike when people go to my profile to snoop.

Morning sickness again tonight. But that's okay. I got to visit Peter in the field and brought him some supper. I made buns last minute and i've already had 2 just now. I'm hungry. I also have lots of dishes to do and Sunday school material to go over and beth moore bible study and bible readings and cards to make (singing in a wedding tomorrow) and clothes in the wash.. yikes! I am being quite lazy and wasting time on the computer. No wonder I am behind! I have no one to blame but myself. I just don't have energy. Otherwise today went well. The girls are beginning to claw each other which, I am a bit worried about. They've got scratch marks on a few places and I just wonder where they got this lashing out at each other. I think it is mostly Maddy. She seems to be a lot like me. One example is her love for breads/grains (heart).

oh yes, and it is friday night and i am going to be doing dishes. That is actually okay. I've got to get them done and it is best to do them when the kids are asleep. Peter informed me if things go smoothly, we have roughly 5 (FIVE FIVE FIVE FIVE!!!!!!!!) days left of beets. I'm not excited.

My 'pregnancy' tea is whistling so I guess I'll go and enjoy that! Wish me luck on my songs tomorrow.

PS, do you love, like me, when your all the dishes in your dishwasher comes out dirty because the little soap dispenser door didn't open? and you really needed those dishes to be clean? me too!

Proverbs 17:22

2011-10-13T21:25:00.001-05:00

oh dear, i am incredibly tired. I am also sad to say that the last two evenings my morning sickness has returned. I really thought I was over it. So, I'm not sure what's happening, i felt so good the last week and now all of a sudden it's back. Thankful though, it's only at night. Today happened to be my first pre-natal appointment. I can't help but think it's a boy. Even if i'm wrong, I will have so much fun with another precious girl. This time around I can make newborn headbands and other girly things. I am really excited to capture all the fun newborn pictures that I never took with my other two girls (different camera).

This time around, I went into the office with fear. Fear that something was wrong with the baby. I was just waiting for my doctor to tell me some bad news.. (not that he could even find anything this soon).. but as he searched for the heartbeat, amazingly he broke out into a huge smile, as if my baby's heart beat were the only one he's heard in weeks. This is coming from one of the busiest doctors at the hospital. He then said, 'where's your phone, let's record this for daddy'. I couldn't figure out how to record so I ended up calling him and he got to hear the heartbeat. Not that this means anything at all, but out of all the times I heard the heartbeat, I have not cried once.... but this time. I think it was mostly just feeling guilty of complaining to God how awful I feel, how I hate gaining pregnancy weight, how I hate being pregnant all together. And then I hear the heartbeat. It was really like a slap in the face. I just began to see how purely beautiful it is to have a living child being knit in my womb! It was really a wake-up call. These days I am really just praying that God can change my heart to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy. I've also been trying to memorize more scripture-- the one i'm working on this week is Proverbs 17:22: A cheerful heart is good medicine, a crushed spirit dries up the bones. So true.

better day?

2011-10-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

I was just going through some of my blog posts very quickly and saw this one.
I can't believe at 3 she could do this! That was part of our "school" trial we did last year. We slept well last night, thankfully. Maddy got up at 7, which isn't too early but we went to bed late because it was finally movie night! I am really praying that we can get through the next couple of weeks. It's going to be awfully lonely for me and the kids and now that Maddy has (or we think she has) HFM (Hand foot and mouth) i'm praying Kate doesn't get it so she can continue to go to school. We can't bring them to church tomorrow, although Peter said he's willing to stay home so that I can go. So far no one else has symptoms. Also, yesterday was huge... I cleaned the kitchen! I mopped the floors and did all of the dishes. It looks finally normal. We're trying to figure out what we can do with the cabinets because we just don't want to redo the whole kitchen, but we want to make smart changes so that we can enjoy it and make use of the space. So, we need to be praying more about that. Yesterday was really a long day all-around.. i'm praying for a better day today.

Gratitude

2011-10-07T13:45:00.000-05:00

I'm really having a tough mid-morning/afternoon, so instead of thinking about that, I want to think of all the things I'm thankful for. I know it is Satan attacking me because I just got back from a good bible study. What a jerk.

#1. Even if we have all been sick for weeks, and possibly a new sickness arriving, they are healthy. They are not malnourished and they are clean. So, thank you God that we have our health. (Take that Satan!)

#2. I am thankful for a bountiful crop. Im truly thankful. We went into this year with rain and crummy attitudes, and in the end, God always provides what we need. I'm thankful that God is convicting us each year to give more and more, to use HIS money, not ours. Pr.19:17 He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done. (NIV)

^{Malachi 3:10: 10} Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.

#3. I am thankful I have opportunities to worship. To be in bible studies. To pray out loud with other Christians. I am really thankful I am in my small group Triad. It has been a huge blessing. I am thankful I am forming close friendships with people who have the SAME convictions as I do! It is a pure joy, a pure joy to have friends who are in the same spiritual steps as I am.

#4. I am thankful that Satan's got nothing on God. I feel much better now. I should do this every time!

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

greasy food

2011-10-06T23:17:00.000-05:00

Yes, it sure is my bedtime, and I specifically got out of bed to frantically realize there are no egg rolls that i was craving.. so pizza rolls it is. They are not as good in the microwave, but i've always enjoyed soggy food. I am hoping this little late night snack won't be a habit-- I've been really trying to eat healthy snacks: apple or two a day, bananas, grapes, oranges, you name it! I am choosing fruits instead of breads and grains but really, sometimes I am just sick of it and want some real food! Unfortunately also, sometimes it happens at night.

Today I felt pretty good. I got the living room and the dining room cleaned (before it got messy again) and I worked on the kitchen for quite a while and then Peter kindly finished after supper and did the rest of the dishes! He even made me tea. I really haven't been the kindest to him... I have been selfish and wanting HIM to take care of ME, not the other way around. (He has been sick) I haven't been feeling the best either so it wasn't easy to take on the kids, house, AND cater to him. But we got through it, as we do everything. I have taken naps almost every day the last couple weeks. I can't even keep my lids open. I always think in each pregnancy... "am i lazy? is it going to be like this forever?" Having no energy stinks. I'm used to having lots of it because I have kept active. Today though, I didn't need a nap, and it felt nice. I hate waking up so groggy. Instead, I made fall sugar cookies and when Kate got home from school, we cut them out and baked them. So, I ended up having a couple small leaves and probably the same amount in cookie dough. Oops! It was fun to see her roll them out, too. I am probably going to make edible play dough soon for them to roll out and play with.

Tomorrow morning I will have my small group bible study and then hopefully nap time for the girls, and family time after. I am getting spoiled with Peter being home more often... i'm just not used to it. And in a couple short days, it will be back to him being gone all the time. I am hoping we can stay busy and figure out fun things to do. Also, next Thursday is my first appointment. I am really looking forward to that. I have to sing in another wedding on Saturday so I am really not looking forward to that, but I am praying and trusting that it will bring glory to God. That's really the only reason I sing anymore. More later

the simple things

2011-10-02T23:59:00.000-05:00

as we were walking in the woods,

grandpa got a hold of maddy. I began

snapping photos of her and while she giggled,

she reached out her hand for me.

This photo just warms my heart!

how i've been feeling

2011-10-01T08:33:00.000-05:00

right now i am listening to all three of us girls hack and cough. it is not pretty. They had gotten bad colds just 3 weeks ago and now i fear this is a new cold, possibly from the wedding. This week has been full of ups and downs concerning health. It seemed like the day Kate went to school I felt the best, but still not 100%. I think almost every day I had to lie down b/c of a bad headache or just unbelievable tiredness, or just feeling tough. Yesterday i felt my iron was low so i began seeing black spots for a while, which was a sign of low iron in previous pregnancies. Because I'm coughing so much, i can't ever get to sleep at a decent time so that's probably why i've been extra tired. Right now as the kids are watching their morning program, I just want to desperately crawl back into bed and finish sleeping. I have got a splitting headache and my lungs are burning! Today, or last night, was also the start of beets. Yesterday I got to thinking about the next few weeks, and how hopefully beets might be done by then, I might be feeling better (and have had my first appointment) date nights would be back in order,it'd probably be cold enough for fires outside and/or in our living room, more hot chocolate, trips in hotels for farming meetings (and a possible get-away), and less days that peter would work on the farm! It's always a love /hate relationship this time of year.... October is probably the most hated month for me but when it's over, its the loveliest!

its true..

2011-09-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

serve

2011-09-28T13:54:00.001-05:00

I am trying to squander literally enough energy to type this. I know, I haven't written on here forever and it makes me sad. A few weeks ago, my kids developed bad coughs and I was praying it would pass me by at least until the wedding was over. The wedding was this Saturday, and my itchy throat began Friday night. Luckily I was able to get through the song without gunk in my throat, but all of Sunday through now I have not been feeling well. Monday and today are awful. Poor, poor kids. I am actually thankful Kate gets to go to school because I just haven't been feeling well enough to even play with them! I would say at least an hour of TV has been on, and they've been playing with babies and books, and when I had to make lunch, they played outside for a little bit. Now it is 'nap time'-- hoping Maddy is asleep but kate has 'rest time' now. I couldn't bear to put her down for a nap... she gets to read books and color for a little while.

Though I know this time will hopefully pass soon, it is devastating to me. I'm used to being with them outside, making nutritious meals, doing crafts, etc. The kitchen literally has 20 or more fruit flies from all the old food and garbage lying around, Peter ran out of clean clothes yesterday, there's mountains of trash everywhere, crumbs on the floor, loads (AND LOADS) of laundry needing to be washed, kitchen is unsanitary, the fridge has moldy food in it, (though i've tried picking through some of it), I can't keep up with dishes and when I do, a meal needs to be made. Really the list goes on and on. I can't really do anything about it. It is the busiest time of the whole year (in farming times) and I just have to do it when I can. It has helped already just to write this down.. and though this is all overwhelming to me at the moment, as I cried to Peter yesterday he reminded me that God made me strong to handle situations like this so that I can continue to serve others. Finally, a light appeared in this dark home. There's always serving opportunities and though I am belly-aching about my own, I still have a purpose and I need to serve the best that I can!

It also made me realize that whenever i start to feel like this, God really opens up my eyes to the needs of others. How little my problems seem. Praying that I can have a thankful attitude always and not to get wrapped up in life's worries.

just enough.

2011-09-22T23:59:00.001-05:00

today i had lists of things to do. my own agenda of what needed to be done.

During my quiet time today I asked God to open my eyes. You see, when life gets 'busy', sometimes we are disconnected from the actual world even though it really feels like we are wordly. I hope that makes sense. Today I prayed for a little boy at the rescue center who has been doing well for most of the time until this last week. I guess I just can't handle seeing little kids suffer. I still remember how one of the workers/volunteers there explained how this little girl would whimper in pain. begging for water even though she could not hold it down. ok, god, you sure opened up my eyes. as I prayed in tears tonight while Peter held my hand, was that God really would open up our eyes, even if it meant pain. It is not fun to see people suffer, and I pray every day that it is not my own family who suffers. But I hope that I never become accustomed to every day living on earth, where I just do what I do because that's how it's supposed to be. I want to have purpose. I want to be helpful, and not just needy. I want to serve, and not just be served. I just want to be generous! I want to pray ALL. THE. TIME. We just all need an awakening. Sometimes we just need to boldly ask God to open our eyes! and He really will.

Song on my heart today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUsAoCqe6xQ

so close

2011-09-22T08:25:00.000-05:00

well, it's THURSDAY! which means tomorrow we leave for Fargo, ND to celebrate the upcoming marriage of my sister in law, Chelsie. I still remember getting the call from her to tell us of the engagement. Now, it's already here. A lot has gone into this wedding, too... so it's sort of bittersweet. We're hoping to leave fairly early tomorrow to make it in time for the Bridesmaid luncheon, and then later that day, the rehearsal. I think,really, the whole two days will be a blur. I'm sure it will go by so fast with so many things to do. I'm looking forward to it, though, and hoping everyone sleeps well. Today will be a hugely busy day for me as I rush to finish everything on my list. Packing will take up most of the day and I am just in NEED to pack most things into the car TONIGHT! So many times we've failed in leaving on time because there was too much time wasted putting things into the car that could have been done the night before. So that is my plea to peter. I can say this now, of course, but I am really hoping dishes and things could be cleaned up before we go. Knowing me, I will lose hope and give up and not care before we leave, but i'm telling you now, that's the goal ! :)

It was so nice for Peter to come home at 3pm yesterday. I feel like I haven't seen him much. He worked til 9pm Monday night before the rain to get as much done as possible. We have a feeling this is going to be a long fall. With temperatures just gone whacky, and rain here and there, i just don't know how much of harvest I can bear. It's funny, when we're just about to start planting, I always flash forward to beets. "I wonder how i'll feel this year with beets". :) Anyway, i better get busy...lots and lots to do.

worth blogging for

2011-09-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

Today was both a happy and sad day. As I was driving Kate to her first day of pre-school I was suddenly reflecting on her as a tiny baby. How little she once was, in my arms, being nursed and rocked to sleep. They don't kid when they tell you "they grow up fast". It's really true. I was happy for her because she gets to experience new friends, teachers, independence, and new fun crafts that I don't always get to provide. It was even worse when I got home and the house was totally silent. I missed her and wanted her to come back. But as the day progressed and it came time to pick her up, Maddy and I were both excited to see her. She had a smile that was glued to her face as she talked about how fun school was and what she got to do. All day I heard snippets of things she did throughout the day. For her first day of school, I made her a dirt cake with some gummy worms on top. Though now, she is tucked in bed (and soon will I!) I look forward to spending tomorrow with both her and Maddy and hopefully be the best mom I can be!

latest photos

2011-09-10T23:29:00.000-05:00

I'm really just too tired to explain... we just gone done with movie night and i thought i'd upload a couple of the latest pictures. I'm all caught up with ordering photos... now just to put them into albums! All 400 new ones... good night!

growing up

2011-09-08T20:41:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I've been blind the last year or so, but my Kate is growing up! Last night we went to her preschool meeting to introduce her to the teachers and her room. I will admit, over the last year I've struggled, prayed and wondered where she'd go to school or if she'd stay at home with me.We did a test run last year( see here and here) I really didn't feel God was leading me to that, but more-so to be teaching her about God and scripture. Lately it has been confirmed to me that preschool is just where she should be. She seems so terribly excited for it, and I couldn't bear to take that from her. I think she'll have lots of fun and it will be good for some Maddy and Me time!

The guys finished grain tonight, finally, and next it will be beans. Also, I can't even believe it, but soon it will be Chelsie (my sister in law)'s wedding! I feel like I am not quite prepared for it, though all I really have to do is get some shoes (check) get my dress (check) and help my mother in law with a few details (not quite a check). oh, I also have to get a dress altered that I plan to wear that weekend, which is also not a check. So, I do have a few things to do and normally I get things done with tons of time to spare but it seems like lately there's always something going on and things to do. This Saturday I am really looking forward to a Beth Moore simulcast, Sunday there is another bridal shower, Monday is triad, Tuesday is Kate's first day of preschool and then the rest of the Tuesdays will be a Beth Moore bible study that I might try to attend. It is 8:30 now and I am fighting myself to get on the elliptical. 15 minutes really isn't that long, I'm just lazy. I'm glad I could tell you about my day/week and maybe later after I exercise I can upload some pictures I took over the last couple days. More later!

fun weekend

2011-09-05T21:48:00.000-05:00

I am wishing right now that my photos were uploaded and all edited. also that my floors were washed and carpets vacuumed. It would be great if Kate's room was a little tidy(er). Butttttt, I can honestly say that I don't care! It is nice to not care. This week I am working on not being 'overwhelmed' and to do what I can, when I can. If it doesn't get done, oh well. My primary goal this week is to have meals prepared on time and in advance, and to exercise once in a while. It would be great if it were every day but I know that won't happen, so being hopeful for a couple days a week I think is a good goal. I also want to read more at night or during nap time and play more games with the kids. I don't think we always have to be on-the-go and doing something outside.

We had a really nice time visiting my sister in Bismark, ND. It was a long ride up there but the ride home was much better. We originally were only going to stay for one night, but we ran out of time on Saturday and decided we could do an extra night. It felt good for once, not having to pay for a hotel! Instead we treated my family to a meal which was also fun. I will most likely be visiting during beets (by myself though) so i am hoping that the ride there will be okay. We visited the zoo and went to a carnival, which was also very fun. The kids even napped and we shopped for a little while. Peter even got some great labor day deals. I think that is all for now... it's time for bed!

up again

2011-08-31T23:43:00.001-05:00

I'm up again, but I am pretty sure caffeine is the culprit! I guess I just can't have coffee after lunch. I can't say that I am upset though; this is rather nice. If I can't spend an ample amount of time in the morning by myself, then night time will have to do for now. This morning I didn't get to do my devotions because we were getting ready to leave for our girls shopping day (plus jack, my nephew). It was really fun, and I think the kids did so well. I am so proud of them. I got some good deals, too. We went to 3 gently used clothing stores (my kind of shopping!) and got to splurge on a coffee. It was so worth the late night, though. Next time, though, I will remember to get decaf.

Tonight as I finished reading through Luke, something non-instructive stood out to me. Usually when I read, God instructs and convicts me through His word. This time, it was really just a "oh yeah" kind of moment. Something that is so simple, yet I'm still so much in awe over it:

Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, "If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us." But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, "Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong." Then he said to Jesus, "Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."

Luke 23 (39-43)
I guess I am just in awe over God's grace and mercy for us, and his ability to forgive so quickly if we just truly in our hearts believe.

He respected God (Do you not even fear God).

He knew his own sin (under the same condemnation . . . we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds).

He knew Jesus (this Man has done nothing wrong).

He called out to Jesus (he said to Jesus).

He called out to Jesus as Lord (he said to Jesus, "Lord . . .").

He believed Jesus was who Jesus said He was (remember me when You come into Your kingdom).

He believed the promise of everlasting life from Jesus
And that's it. That's the start of a great relationship with Christ. Tonight as I study God's word I am feeling so blessed and refreshed. I really felt like I was supposed to share all of this--a few days ago I was reading Luke 21... and it made me feel like His coming is going to be soon. This is very real, and I want to be ready!

Song I'm meditating on this week: God of This City

once again--an answer

2011-08-30T23:23:00.000-05:00

It was just yesterday I asked the question about serving. Not one time did I ever think it was wrong to serve my family before someone else, but at the same time I wondered about the amount of time I was spending cooking and baking or doing other things that didn't really need to be done. I remember in bible study saying, "I have all these promptings that involve baking or cooking for others, yet I feel 'how could I keep serving in that way, I am struggling to actually find time to be with my kids unless I have really really planned out meals."

Meals. take. so. long.

And now with Peter being gluten-free it takes even longer to make everything from scratch, unless you want to spend 3x as much money, which I am not willing to do. Tonight before bed (because I can't sleep now) I was reading this really cool book "Loving The Little Years". I think it would be best if i just typed word for word what she said to say about 'bearing fruit'.

Psalm 128: Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olve shoots around your table.

In reference to bearing fruit, she talked about an apple tree and how it bears fruit many times during the season. It is constantly dropping fruit; some get used, and some, well, rot. She asks:

But what does this apply to in real life? Well, think about yourself and about the things you do. Look at it like fruit. Are you holding yourself back on things, afraid that the end result will not be worthy of your labor? Are you afraid to fail? Is there some domestic activity that you would love to know how to do, but don't want to try in case it doesn't turn out? Are you afraid to try new recipes? Are you afraid to put energy or money into something that might turn into nothing? Do you evaluate the necessity of everything, passing it by if it doesn't add up to be practical? Are you limiting the branches upon which you are willing to bear fruit? Speaking for myself, I have sometimes let cultural admiration for efficiency get into places that it doesn't belong. For ex. I am working away on something and just cannot shake the question "Why am I doing this? Is this a ridiculous use of my time? Should I be doing something that matters, rather than (say) knitting a costumed mouse?" But it is very freeing to laugh at yourself--laugh when you know that apple you were just working on may very well fall to the ground, and who cares? But the chances are good that the more fruit you make, the more fruit gets used. The more you throw yourself into heavy branches, the more inviting the fruit, the more people it is likely to feed. Some of those apples are likely to fall to the ground and rot. But God uses rotten apples--to fertilize the ground, to start more apple trees after animals plant them. You cannot know the dept of His plan for your fruit. So what if you don't have a plan for it in the future? Waste it. Waste homemade pasta on your family. Don't save cloth napkins JUST for company. Sew a dress your daughter doesn't really need. Be bountiful with your fruit and free with it. The only thing you can know for sure is that God will use it.

Refreshed.... always amazed at God's perfect timing.

nuts.

2011-08-29T22:14:00.001-05:00

I feel like all I ever do is complain on here. Yet the very same word complaint is what makes me most dissapointed. It is hard to do your best and still hear complaints about food or giving your child the wrong spoon or a hundred other different things. This morning I worked really hard on some gluten free buns for peter so that he could have barbeques. They really didn't turn out how i hoped... and they tasted a bit more sweeter than an actual bun would taste. So of course in my mind all I filtered in were the complaints. I just wish that I could understand what it would be like to feel 'left out' in that way. I think I am doing a good job in trying to accommodate my husband but I really feel like he's having a really hard time with it. And I feel awful. That is mostly why I try to go out of my way to bake for him so that he doesn't feel that way.

Tonight in our bible study we were talking about the gifts that God has given us and how we need to use them to glorify Him. I feel like sometimes I am just too wrapped up in my little world, making food and trying to please my kids and husband that I could possibly be missing opportunities to be serving others. Or, do you think this is what God wants me to do right now, too? Am I honoring Him with my time by trying to help my husband through this difficult time? I'd love to hear anyone's take on this. I guess I am just confused. I have had so many promptings to bring food out or meals to people who are sick and can't, or lost a wife and probably doesn't cook, or just had a baby.... yet its hard for me to find time to do all of those things because I am trying to serve my family. Don't get me wrong, I have definitely done some serving to people, just not 100% what I feel like God has nudged me to do. Peter is really not feeling good about this right now... he could use your prayers. I feel like I have failed as a wife tonight because I was hurt that he didn't like anything that I made, which is also hard. Pray for me that I can put a smile on my face and just keep trying.

The Servant of the Lord

Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight. I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets. A bruised reed, he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth.

Isaiah 42:1-4

teachings

2011-08-27T08:40:00.000-05:00

I hate that summer is practically over and it went so quickly because it was filled with events every week/every day. I think I'm ready for the fall, it's just that it usually means BEETS are looming closer and colder weather prevents us from being comfortable outside. I wonder what it would be like if we had 20 degree weather the whole winter? I would love to try it some time. Yesterday I cooked for the men and tried to space it out so that I wasn't doing everything all at once. Today we're making stuff again (pizzas this time) so that should hopefully be a little easier. I have a dessert crust in the oven right now for my friend's baby shower on Sunday, and last night after the kids went to bed I spent time making lists of things I need to do/bring. I have two games and a devotional I worked on. I still have to finish the banner I planned to bring and the runners, copy off all the games, and load everything in the car because after I bring out food, we are going straight there to decorate. I wish that I could spend time with Peter on Sunday afternoon, or even just take a much needed nap, but it will be fun to do the shower, too. I am really hoping that rain stays away so that we can finish early next week and maybe get to do something fun during the weekend. That would be a first, in a long time!

Monday is Emily's last true day with us, and I am thankful because I am scheduled to bring food out again on Monday and I have bible study right after, which is always a busy day. It will be helpful after this busy weekend I had. I have also been having a good few days with the girls. I have changed my attitude, asking God to make me more loving and so far he is answering my prayers. Yesterday I just felt like a new person because I thought before I spoke or did anything with the girls and it was wonderful. When I became angry, I Just breathed really deep for a while and asked God to help me focus on other things. For whatever reason I felt God underlining Luke 18:14: "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted". I think maybe I haven't been seeking God because I've been mad at how Maddy has ruined my devotion/alone time in the morning. My attitude was like : "ok, well if you're not letting her sleep in then obviously I can't read, so that is your fault!" which is not appropriate! I feel like he is trying to tell me he knows what's best for me and I can't think that "I" know what's best. I have to humble myself and and let go of my pride and just trust God. So anyway, that is what He is teaching me this week.

I'm just not.

2011-08-25T22:41:00.000-05:00

Just to keep things up-to-date, things are well here. I am not getting much editing done with the engagement photos (though I really have already done 80% of them).. I have been battling Satan for a good week and finally within the last couple of days I have found relief through answered prayers and encouragement through Gods' help and word. I just kept saying " My flesh and my heart may fail , but God is my strength and my portion forever". It made me think about how grouchy I was to my kids and if my actions were pleasing to God. I know I will not be able to please my kids in every situation... but I need to be pleasing God always. So, Maddy's waking up early and I can't do my devotions. Big deal. Maybe God wants me to rest and do them some other time in the day. Or maybe he wants me to fight through it and do them anyway? He knows what's right and I need to be trusting. So, here's to a better weekend. I'm just not giving Satan a foothold.

get done soon!

2011-08-23T08:02:00.001-05:00

It's Monday today. Again, the weekend went really fast but it was really fun too. This weekend I took some engagement photos for my sister-in-law Chelsie, and I am pleased with how they turned out. They aren't super original but we did the best we could with the bright sun. I was also able to visit with my sister on Saturday (she recently moved to Bismark) - that was such a treat. Even though it had only been 2 weeks, I know the next time I see her will be a little while unless we are able to visit her before Chelsie's wedding. She confirmed that she is able to help us for the wedding! So, pressure is off that the girls will be running around wild while we are trying to take photos and during the wedding. Plus, then we'll get to spend the weekend with her! (And she won't have to drive quite as far) Anyway, Sunday was hard for me because she normally comes over that day and I really missed her.

Yesterday truly was a humongously busy day- I went to GF most of the day to get things for the baby shower I'm helping with this weekend, and then I came home to finish making supper to bring out to the guys, after that I packed up to go to my bible study. I literally ran into the house, tried as quickly as I could to get everything cold into the fridge, and my ride was here. When I got home, I put the girls to bed and sat down. The kitchen really isn't too messy but it needs work. It was nice to go myself- I used to go all the time with the girls, and now I just don't know how I will get used to bringing the girls once Emily leaves and school starts again. When I'd bring them I'd only have 2-3 stops; lately I've been stopping at 4-5 places and that gets to be too long for them and not enough time to get back before naps. So hopefully in the future it will go okay. As much as I'd like to stay home, I think today we're doing a play date so the girls can have fun. It looks like we won't get to see peter all day today.... sad.. hopefully they get done soon!

I'll covet your prayers

2011-08-19T08:22:00.000-05:00

I wish I could get out of this complaining mode. I have Kate's song from Bible School "I'm gonna adjust my attitude, with gratitude". Wish I could do that. I let yesterday's bad mood affect me all day. I washed my phone. with the sheets!!! I never would have thought I'd wash my phone... it's never in any pocket. It's so disappointing. I am mostly feeling lost because I fear I'll get into an accident some time and not have my phone. So, I'm wondering what I need to do... I'm going to call Verizon today and might need to make a quick trip to GF. That would be okay... something to do I suppose. There's a girl that has offered me her phone to use until I figure out what i'll do. I have been looking on Ebay but not finding a whole lot. I am hoping that by writing this it will help me release my dissapointing thoughts and that prayers would be offered for me! Silly, I know... but I think Satan is really trying to get me down. He is using this to make me feel bad among other things.

winding down

2011-08-18T08:11:00.000-05:00

It has been a confusing week! Monday was a really busy day since it was my turn to cook. Tuesday I had my bible study over and fed them lunch, then went to Grand Forks with very crabby kids. Wednesday Emily came over to watch the girls and I cleaned my whole room! Then in the afternoon I prepared for part of the meal again. I made peach jam, honey flaxseed bread (yum!) and some GF brownies. I was so worn out that I honestly can say ( I've never done it in my entire life) I fell asleep during peter's short prayer.

I don't have much that I need to get done today.. I just plan to take it easy and just spend time with the girls. It is nice to not have the pressure to workout -- I just really want to still watch what I eat and do it a few times a week, rather every day. It get's to be a controlling thing where I am not satisfied unless I've worked out.. and I certainly don't want it to rule my life. I think that is it... the girls appear to be up. later!

a little delay

2011-08-16T07:25:00.001-05:00

Each day I set my alarm a little before 6:30. This allows me to fully wake up, eat breakfast, do my devotions, and maybe unload the dishwasher or start it for the day. This morning I had changed my alarm to just a little before 7 a.m., and it went off at 6:30! So, I got up. In no way am I mad, but I thought that was a little odd. I am actually grateful that I got up so quickly because I seem to have a lot to do. This morning I am hosting our small group bible study at the house because we were not able to meet at night. I am so thankful we keep pushing through the weeks-- sometimes we can't meet, but I feel like everyone is sacrificing some so that we can. I still have to do my devotions this morning and then I'd like to clean up around the house and put some type of quick-bread in. I bought a boxed mix for such occasions!

Yesterday I made a different kind of focaccia bread... it was like a deep dish pizza. so good! Here it is before I put it into the oven.

And here it is after. It had tons of good flavor.

I am a little dissapointed that it rained. It would have been really nice to keep going with harvest but hopefully after this rain we can get going again. The above pictures are from yesterday.. to show you a little about what happens when we bring out meals. Usually the loading center is in the back of our yukon. It really is fun unless it's super hot and the bugs are biting!

A few days in pictures

2011-08-15T22:34:00.000-05:00

Recipes

2011-08-13T08:41:00.001-05:00

It's 8:00 a.m. and I have a turkey that's been in the oven for an hour already, breakfast and devotions done, kids still asleep, and I get to blog! This morning, with the help of a friend, I will be frosting approximately 120 cupcakes. Our pastor is celebrating 5 years at our church (though we've only attended 1, and I was asked to make the cupcakes) . I thought it would be a fun way to serve and help. I hope it goes well!

The last few days have been good and fun. They ended up not combining Thursday, but they did on Friday and I believe they will today because we were spared from rain! We are very thankful, even though selfishly it would have been so fun to have Peter home. However, the flu is going around and Emily now has it. Doesn't this usually happen on the weekends?! Bummer. I hope (and praying) we don't get it. I have been doing lots of cooking and baking lately, including the cupcakes.. and it has been fun. I've even caught up on dishes AND clothes! AND, I dusted our room yesterday! I have been trying not to be so lazy and get certain things done that really need to get done, like putting away clothes, the dusting, and trying to do more 'extra' things other than daily things. I need to clean out closets and do things like that, soon. Tuesday night my sister took the girls out to eat and to the park, so peter and I enjoyed a steak supper at home, a bike ride, then I went on the elliptical for 10 minutes and got bored, so I cleaned all the toys upstairs and put them in bins. It felt soo good! It is nice to feel accomplishment once in a while.

Here's the link to the zucchini/carrot cake I made yesterday. I used, though, 1 cup garbanzo flour, 1/4 cup of ground flax, 3/4 cup white sweet rice flour, 1/4 potato starch. I also added about half-1 cup extra of coconut milk. Since I froze my zucchini, I made sure to pad it down and make sure it wasn't water-packed (too much) because I've had trouble with the flour amounts vs. liquids lately. I baked it in a long bread pan for about 35-40 minutes. It was fabulous.

Here's the recipe for the GF coconut shrimp and the green bean recipe. Well, I best get started -- later!

strength

2011-08-11T08:06:00.000-05:00

{R}ight now I am humming in my head the melody to "soon and very soon". I am also listening to the pounding of the shinglers who started this morning at 6:30 a.m. I keep listening by the kids' door to see if they are up, but they appear to be sleeping and I am okay with that. It was kind of a late night for them since it was our first day of harvest and we got to bring food out and ride with Peter for a little while. I am going to admit something.. Yesterday I was driving to my dentist appointment and I was thinking... "I wonder how the world would be if people were just a little more giving with their time and less selfish." Thinking hard about that-- i really think that might change a lot. These days people are greedy and lots of times just think about themselves. How can I get ahead? Who will help ME? What can you do for ME? So, it just hit me as I was writing this... I wasn't very giving with my time last night. My attitude with the girls was... "let's hurry and get you to bed so that i can do MY stuff". Sometimes I just feel like a horrible mother. I feel like I am willing to accommodate Peter and especially Emily while she's here, but what about kate and maddy? Why am I always in such a hurry to get them to their naps and bedtime? Change... that is what I need. And though I am praying about this and asking God for change, he just isn't ready to allow that right now and I have to accept it. I know the attitude I need to have or should have, yet I don't do it. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever" - Psalm 73:26. That is written on my chalkboard above my dining room table. Ok God... give me the strength!

What's new...

2011-08-10T22:25:00.000-05:00

This is what's new at our house... recipes soon!

thankful

2011-08-10T08:33:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say thank you Lord, for the guidance He gives me each day to do His will, even if I don't always listen. This morning a specific prayer has been answered in where to give money and I felt He pressed me to give to Somolia.

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/InVideo/?bclid=957209661001&bctid=1098695243001

invasion

2011-08-09T08:38:00.001-05:00

people are invading my house, and we're only putting on shingles! I feel like in every window we are being watched. I don't think i'd do well with a major renovation inside the house... like the kitchen. I think we pretty much ruled out at this point that we wouldn't update the kitchen even though we really want to. We just felt God saying no. Also, the kids have slept through all the knocking for the most part- thank you God!

Anyway, --we are also out of TV, which means there's nothing to do at our house when the kids go to bed. I never, hardly ever watch TV, but Peter does...it is a blessing in disguise! so it was really fun and weird to see him just sit there. I thought it'd be a good opportunity to do devotions together - so we did and then fell asleep close after 9:30pm. I feel like I got a good nights rest. Harvest is coming up; I know it'll be lots of work and I'll be in the kitchen a lot, but I feel for the most part I do it as joyfully as I can. I really do love to see their happy faces when they get to eat the food. Over the last year I realized it's my small part in helping the men out when they do so much to provide for our family.

My goal this week: keep up with the house!

Sunday

2011-08-07T21:37:00.000-05:00

It has been a fun week at Vacation Bible School. I didn't help much, but I did take lots of pictures. I tried to edit this week as little as I could because I wanted to get other things done, but I used Lightroom which made it much quicker!! I worked on a slideshow yesterday, which literally took all day. I first tried to burn it to a DVD- that didn't work. Then I tried other things...finally after several hours of uploading, it posted to You-Tube at midnight. Bummer though... poor connection at church so it didn't even get played.

This week I plan to do a lot of baking and cooking, and have my dentist appointment scheduled for Wednesday. (boo) I have attempted and failed several times to make a meal plan--they might be combining towards the end of the week so I can't really plan for those days in case they change. I suppose it would be okay to have things as a back-up. I am really tired after the last few days-- I feel like I have been going non-stop. I could have used a rest this afternoon but I was in the kitchen preparing for our picnic tonight at Florian park. I WILL go to bed early tonight though! It's already 9:30 and I am pretty exhausted... I can hardly keep my eyes open. Mondays are always so incredibly busy because I try to catch up after the house gets trashed from the weekend, not to mention loads and loads of laundry, meal prep for the week, and tomorrow we have a crew coming to do shingles... so lunch will be prepared here. Must sleep soon so I can get up early!!

time is slipping away

2011-08-03T08:51:00.000-05:00

Wow. It has been really hard to wake up the last few days. I set my alarm for 6:30 and sometimes I don't get out of bed until 7. Today at least it was 6:45 but I was pretty grumpy. Poor Peter, he was such a good sport. He just kept saying that I was a stinker or "you're something else" and laughed.

I have many things on my to-do list today. The last three nights have been VBS (Vacation Bible School) at our church, so we've been there from 6-8:30 which amounts to late bedtimes. The kids do well at sleeping in because of this. I've been taking photos for the website/facebook page and also for a craft they will do Thursday, so I'm in the process of editing and uploading them to Walmart's One Hour Lab so that we can get them back tonight. I sure hope they turn out. I'm behind on laundry, dishes, meals, editing, baking (peter can't pack a lunch so I have to figure out what I could bring out to him; he's also asked for baked snacks) and I'd really like to work out. Monday I was too tired, Tuesday I was gone all day, and today it seems I'm too busy! I think tonight for VBS I might do a drop-off with Kate since there's nothing for Maddy to do and I'll come back later to pick her up. I've volunteered to help with things but they don't really say anything so it gets to be long when we just sit around and watch.

Yesterday I was scheduled for a dentist appointment, and an hour before I was to leave, they called to cancel. She had a sick child. That was kind of a bummer but I still went because I had to bring Peter to GF so he could get snacks for the farm for Harvest (water, juice, chips,-the whole back was filled with stuff) and so he could do paperwork and bring back a new truck they purchased. He dropped me off at a store and went to Sams to do his stuff, then we ate at a really slow restaurant, and then I brought him to Amazing Grains so that he could bring back the cold items since I would be in GF for a little while longer. He was then dropped off at the truck place. I called him after I had gone to one store and was at Target and he informed me he ran out of gas!! The gauge was off and he was halfway home, and ran out of gas. He was so dissapointed. He sat there for about an hour or longer to get help, and by that time I had already made it to Warren. Poor guy. I hope his day is better today. Well, since I have so much to do I better get started instead of blogging!

not fair

2011-08-01T07:46:00.000-05:00

Those are the two words I'm feeling right now. I am feeling depressed-like but also rejoicing. The little girl I had been praying for died Saturday night. Thalia died a week before. I just feel raw, but rejoicing that she is suffering no more. I couldn't sleep last night, of course, so I came onto the computer to write an email and saw an update on a blog . It's just not fair. I just don't understand the suffering. I don't understand why some have to go through this, and others have humongously blessed lives. I definitely have respect and admiration for those who are working right in front of those children and watching this happen. I don't think I could do it.

Read Marilice's story... it was one of the hardest ones I've had to read.

fun pictures from the last few days

2011-07-31T00:39:00.000-05:00

Day 4 is approaching in the morning and I am extremely tired from a long couple days. Long=busy days... but went very quickly, which I am thankful for. We went to the fair, Fargo, and back to the fair again. We finally got home at 9:30, kids in bed by 10, groceries put away by 10:15 and snack, editing, and bedtime for me. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Goodnight!!